


Boys Want Everything

by kayson



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bullying, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-21 17:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 54,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13745511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayson/pseuds/kayson
Summary: Arthur and Merlin meet as teens during the summer holidays. When Arthur returns to Eton and Merlin to Ealdor, they try to maintain the friendship they began over the summer and navigate what is starting to grow between them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this story about six years ago and the whole thing is posted on LJ. I've fallen back in love with this fandom and wanted to clean this fic up a bit before posting it here. It's still unbeta'd but hopefully there aren't too many errors! I'll be posting an updated chapter at least once a day. I promised someone much too long ago that I would put it on Ao3 and I hope they'll forgive me for taking so long. 
> 
> Note/warning: nothing has been Brit picked and while I grew up in a commonwealth country, it's not the same as being British and there's a 100% likelihood that I made some really obvious errors.

They met at a London summer camp when they were sixteen. Arthur had managed to convince his father that he did  _not_  need to stay home all summer and learn more about what it meant to be one of England’s top barristers appointed to the Queen’s Counsel. To be honest, Arthur heard enough about that side of his father’s life when he was home. Uther Pendragon had been grooming his son for a career at the Pendragon Legal Firm since before Arthur had been born and Arthur wanted just a short period where he did not have to think about his future career.

While Arthur was pleased not to be home listening to his father argue with his foster sister Morgana on the ethics involving members of a new case or some international controversy, he was a little disgusted with having been sent to an educational camp. Arthur had hoped to go to football camp or some other day camp where he would be able to have fun with boys his own age and forget briefly about the Pendragon name and fortune. His father had other ideas – Arthur would get ahead in his studies and meet young men from good families. Already attending a prestigious public school, Arthur sighed and put on a good face for his fellow camp goers.

It was during his second day at camp in a course on human anatomy that Arthur first noticed the dark-haired, poorly dressed boy doodling in his notebook. The boy sat one row over and one desk ahead of his so Arthur had a pretty good view of the spaceship beginning to take over the boy’s notebook. Arthur rolled his eyes at the immature drawing while secretly wishing he had the gall to ignore the teacher and focus on something more fun. However, when the instructor called on the day dreaming boy, whose accent was unmistakably Irish, to define the musculoskeletal system his answer (“the system of muscles, tendons, ligaments, bones, joints, and other tissues that move the body and make sure it stays together”) made it clear that he had been paying attention. Smiling secretly at the slightly shocked look on the instructor’s face, the boy started adding aliens standing outside of his spaceship.

“Very good, Master Emrys,” said the middle-aged instructor, Mr Spencer, frowning at the pale boy who was now busily adding blaster guns to the aliens’ hands.

The boy muttered something that sounded vaguely like, “Just ‘Merlin’ will do, Sir” under his breath as Mr Spencer began to discuss the musculoskeletal system in more detail.

Arthur frowned at Merlin. Clearly the boy did not know how to behave properly in society or understand the respect that was to be given to authority figures. For a moment, Arthur imagined what it would be like to ignore Uther when he gave one of his longwinded speeches on duty. Knowing that his father would probably never let him attend any kind of extracurricular event again in his life if he ever appeared to be less than courteous, Arthur ignored Merlin Emrys’s continued doodling and focused on the rest of the lesson.

“Football, Arthur?” Leon asked on the way out of the classroom for their lunch break. Luckily there was a double free period after lunch that allowed the boys to get their energy out and have fun before their parents collected them at the end of the day. Some of the boys boarded but as Arthur would be returning to Eton in September, along with Leon and a few of the other boys at the summer camp, Uther wanted Arthur to be in their London home as often as possible before that time.

“Of course,” Arthur replied. He was looking at the back of Merlin’s unkempt head and wondering what a boy like _him_ was doing at a posh summer camp like theirs. Pushing thoughts of the strange boy out of his mind, Arthur bypassed the lunch quad and headed straight for the football pitch.

****

During half time, Arthur went to find his friend Gwaine, who had taken a bad kick to the shins and left the field limping. Gwaine hadn’t seemed to out of sorts, however, so Arthur wanted to see if he could convince their best player to come back to the field. He found Gwaine sitting under a tree with, Arthur was slightly startled to see, the pale Irish boy Merlin Emrys. They appeared to be enjoying each other’s company as Gwaine had his head thrown back in laughter at something Merlin had said.

“Hello,” Arthur said cordially to Merlin before asking Gwaine if he was going to get off his arse and come back to play.

“Not right now,” Gwaine said with a shrug. “Sit down.”

Arthur remained standing. “You going to come back to the match at all?” he asked. He tried not to growl at Merlin who was watching him with something akin to annoyance in his startlingly blue eyes.

“Sorry, mate,” Gwaine said with a smile. “I think I’m just going to have a break. I’ll catch you up later, yeah?”

Merlin was still staring at Arthur with an unhappy look on his face, making the handsome young blond boy want to punch Merlin for some reason. Instead Arthur just shrugged and said, “Alright, well, if you want to come back, you can.”

He chose to ignore asking Merlin to play. Anyone who drew spaceships and aliens during anatomy was clearly not meant to play football. Besides, Arthur told himself as he jogged back to his friends, Merlin would probably trip over his own feet and lose them the match due to his gangly limbs. Arthur had noticed that the dark-haired boy seemed to be unsettlingly clumsy.

When he was almost out of earshot, Arthur heard Merlin say loudly to Gwaine, “He cared more about winning the match than about your leg. What a selfish prat.”

Arthur glowered and almost turned to shout something back at Merlin when he heard Gwaine’s shout of laughter and simply ran faster to the football field. 

****

After nearly a week of camp, Arthur was sitting with Leon and a few other friends at lunch. Seeing Gwaine enter the lunch quad, Leon waved him over and Gwaine settled himself next to Arthur. The group chatted briefly about some of the girls they had seen at the female camp on the other side of campus when Gwaine motioned for Merlin to join them.

Arthur had to keep from groaning. “Why do you like him?” he managed to spit out before Merlin approached their table, eyeing the tear in Merlin’s jeans with distaste.

Gwaine looked mildly surprised at Arthur’s clear dislike of Merlin. “He’s cool.”

Arthur was about to state that he could think of things that were a lot cooler and more interesting, such as that pretty girl who had smiled at him from the sidelines of the football field the day before, when Merlin came over to their table.

“Hi, Merlin,” Leon said, clearly happy with Merlin joining them and shifting slightly to make room for him. Arthur remembered that Leon and Gwaine were both boarders at the summer camp and felt slightly betrayed that they spent time with Merlin after Arthur went home.

Merlin looked at Arthur briefly as if checking to make sure joining them was alright and when Arthur simply took an aggressive bite of his sandwich, Merlin grinned and plopped himself down.

“You’re quite good at football,” Merlin told Arthur cheerfully.

Arthur rolled his eyes as if to say, “ _Of course I am_ ” but said outwardly, “I noticed you don’t join us.”

Merlin shrugged. “I don’t really fancy it.”

“Of course you don’t,” Arthur muttered, taking another aggressive bite of his lunch.

“What does that mean?” Merlin asked, raising his eyebrows. “Not everyone is such an accomplished athletic showoff. Others are quite good at using our brains and…”

“I’m not stupid just because I’m good at football, you idiot,” Arthur interrupted. “I’m at school at Eton.”

“So's Leon,” Merlin replied, “and he’s not a self-centered clot.”

“Don’t you dare…” Arthur started but Gwaine cut him off with an annoyed, “Give it a rest!”

Merlin smiled slightly at Gwaine and went back to his lunch.

Clearly attempting to make peace, Leon said to Arthur, “What are you doing this weekend?”

“Nothing, most likely. Father is going to Paris tomorrow and won’t be back until Tuesday.” He looked curiously at Leon. “Why? It’s not like you can come over, you’ll never get permission.”

“See if you can’t stay on as a boarder this weekend,” Leon encouraged, looking to Gwaine for support.

Gwaine looked at Merlin who quirked his mouth in what appeared to be an amused smile, before telling Arthur that it would be fun. “Merlin’s had a brilliant idea.”

Arthur scoffed. “Is that right?”

Gwaine leaned closer to Arthur, a huge grin on his face. “We’re going to break into the girls’ camp.”

****

Arthur was unable to get his father to agree to let him stay at the camp in Leon’s room as a boarder for the weekend, (“It’s indecent for you to share a bed with another boy,” Uther had told him even when Arthur argued that he would likely be sleeping on the floor. “Pendragons do  _not_  sleep on the floor like a common pet!”) so he was looking forward to Monday to see if the plan had worked. When he arrived at camp he found Gwaine, Leon, and Merlin sitting together under a tree.

“Well?” he asked when they didn’t start talking.

Gwaine grinned broadly. “Perfect time, mate.” He nodded his head towards Merlin. “Right good with the girls. That pretty blonde, the one who comes to the football matches, snogged him!”

Merlin looked slightly embarrassed but he smiled shakily at Arthur.

Arthur looked impressed. While he had been eyeing the blonde girl in question he had known it was unlikely he would ever get a chance. It was more interesting than he would like to admit to know that Merlin had gotten a kiss with her. “Was she any good?”

Merlin blushed but didn’t look away. “Not bad.”

Arthur grinned. “Good for you, mate.”

After that, Arthur stopped blatantly ignoring Merlin and came to enjoy the odd boy who had moved from Northern Ireland to Ealdor, (“It’s a little village in Berkshire, near Eton actually,” Merlin said) four years ago. Arthur learned from Gwaine that Merlin and his mother had moved to Ealdor to live with his mother’s uncle, a chemist in the village, and that he was attending their London summer camp on a scholarship.

“He’s bloody brilliant,” Gwaine had told Arthur when he mentioned the scholarship. Arthur decided that the scholarship helped explain why Merlin looked so unkempt – if he couldn’t afford the cost of attending the camp, his mum likely couldn’t afford to buy him new clothes on a regular basis.

When Arthur asked Merlin why he and his mother had moved from Northern Ireland, he looked uncomfortable. “Mum wanted a change of pace,” he’d said after a long moment, clearly not wanting to go any deeper into the topic. “Uncle Gaius offered to let us stay with him.”

“Do you like it?” Arthur questioned, curious about his new friend. He’d found over the last few weeks that he quite enjoyed Merlin’s company and the two had grown rather close. Arthur was now as likely to be found playing football with Leon and Gwaine as he was walking around the campus chatting with Merlin.

“Ealdor’s fine,” Merlin answered. “Mum’s happy.” He paused for a moment before adding, “You’ll be back at Eton soon, it’s not too far. Maybe you can visit on weekends?”

Arthur thought that the likelihood of this was very slim; especially when his father inevitably learned that Arthur’s latest friend was an extremely poor Irish boy, but he didn’t want to ruin the picture this made and just smiled.

As the summer came to a close, Arthur and Merlin found themselves daydreaming about Arthur visiting during the weekends more and more. It was always Merlin who brought this topic up and even though Arthur had said more than once for Merlin to “shut up” or “stop being stupid”, Merlin kept suggesting it.

“I didn’t like you at first,” Merlin said to Arthur seriously on the last day of camp.

“You like me now?” Arthur asked, raising an eyebrow and looking impossibly pleased with himself.

“No,” Merlin replied though his mouth was twitching to hide a smile, “I still think you’re an impossible prat. A royal pain in the arse, actually.”

Arthur laughed. No one had ever spoken to him the way Merlin did and while he still found it infuriating and insulting that his new friend could be so disrespectful, he also found it a little appealing. There was something to be said for challenging the unspoken social rules that typically dictated Arthur’s life.

“You’re an idiot, Merlin.”

****

Arthur had been back at Eton for a few months before he finally had time to himself for a visit with Merlin. He and Merlin had spoken over the telephone and over Skype but they hadn’t seen each other since August and it was nearly December.

“Fencing was cancelled this Saturday and everything else is finished after lunch,” Arthur explained to Merlin over the phone. “I’m tired of studying for exams. Would you like to come up to the school at half one and we can go into town or something?”

“Sure,” Merlin answered. “I’ll get my mum to drop me off. It’s not too far and she should be home.”

“Right,” Arthur said. “I’ll meet you by the Chapel.”

Merlin’s mother Hunith was delighted to bring Merlin to visit Arthur at Eton. She had heard a lot about the young heir to the Pendragon estate but had privately thought that the friendship was over when the boys finished with summer camp, despite Merlin’s claim that Arthur promised to visit with him on weekends. She dropped him off early, giving Merlin enough time to find his way to the Chapel without his mother embarrassing him (“I don’t mind if you come meet him, Mum!” Merlin had protested though he was secretly relieved his mother stayed in the car).

“Ring when you want me to come get you,” Hunith advised her son when he was exiting the car. “I’m going to Mrs. Davis’s for tea around three so if I don’t pick up, make sure you ring Gaius.”

“I will,” Merlin replied and shut the door. He waved once to his mother before hurrying to find Arthur.

Arthur spotted Merlin before Merlin spotted him. It wasn’t difficult to pick his friend out of the other boys milling about due to his loping gait and mismatched clothes. Arthur went a little rigid and felt indignant at how some of the boys snickered at Merlin’s faded, torn jeans and slightly baggy striped t-shirt, a messenger bag thrown over his shoulder. He made fun of Merlin’s clothes but it wasn’t out of a misplaced sense of superiority (at least not now that he knew Merlin), it was because he knew Merlin didn’t care how he looked and Arthur liked to dress well.

Merlin caught sight of Arthur and gave a brief wave. When he reached Arthur, Merlin moved forward as if to give Arthur a hug and looked a little hurt when Arthur took a step back.

“Umm,” Arthur began, casting a look at some of the boys who he had earlier overheard mocking Merlin’s clothes. He’d almost hugged Merlin, he actually wanted to hug Merlin, but he was unsure of the closeness that would bring and was uncomfortable with other boys watching.

Merlin shrugged as if to say it didn’t matter and he forced a smile. “I’m glad you finally had a free moment, I thought you’d forgotten me. Shut up here at Eton, lording over…”

“ _Mer_ lin,” Arthur warned, looking at his friend out of the corner of his eye and trying to maintain a serious expression as Merlin grinned.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure you’re still Prince Prat.” Merlin continued happily, chuckling quietly at the expression on Arthur’s face.

They began walking away from the Chapel, Arthur pointing out sights to Merlin that he thought the other boy might find interesting. After a few minutes of this, Merlin nudged Arthur slightly with his shoulder. “You don’t have to play tour guide,” Merlin informed him. “I’m not your father, I came here to see you, not get a tour of your stupid school.”

“Eton’s not stupid!” Arthur protested. He glared at Merlin who had started to snicker. “And I suppose your school is so wonderful?”

“It’s fine,” Merlin answered after a moment, trying to keep a smile on his face. He didn’t particularly like the day school he attended. Some of the older boys bullied him and he only had one close friend, Will, the son of his mother’s friend Mrs. Davis.

Arthur raised his eyebrow but Merlin was smiling so he just assumed that his friend didn’t want to talk about school. Whenever they chatted over the phone, texted, or used Skype on the computer, Arthur talked about himself or about his family. He didn’t stop to think about asking Merlin about Ealdor or why he sounded a little strained whenever Arthur teased him about being the strange Irish boy in his school. Arthur was telling Merlin about Morgana’s eighteenth birthday party when Merlin let out a little “Oh!” and stopped suddenly to rummage in his messenger bag.

“What are you doing?” Arthur demanded after turning and apologizing to the two boys who had almost run into Merlin when he came to a halt.

“Hang on,” Merlin said, continuing to rummage. After a moment, he pulled out an envelope and offered it to Arthur. “This is for you.”

Arthur took the card and motioned for Merlin to keep walking. He led Merlin to the river where the rowing team practiced and sat down on a nearby bench. “What’s this for?”

“Just open it,” Merlin said, rolling his eyes. He watched as Arthur tore open the envelope, the corners of Arthur’s mouth lifting up in a smile when he saw the gaudy “Happy 17th Birthday!” card. “Open it,” Merlin urged, trying to keep the anxiety out of his voice.

“I am.” Arthur chuckled at Merlin’s childlike excitement. When he opened the card, a small folded piece of paper fell out. Looking at it with interest, Arthur unfolded the paper to find a very well-done pencil drawing of two boys. One of the boys looked very handsome and was dressed like a knight holding his sword aloft, the other boy was standing next to him with his arms crossed, a look of pleasure on his face that Arthur couldn’t quite place.

“What do you think?” Merlin asked nervously. Arthur hadn’t said anything and he was still staring at the drawing of the two boys, his face unreadable. “I know you like the stories of old battles and knights and swords and I just wanted to do something for us…I mean, for you! So that you could think about us when…erm…I mean…” he stopped babbling before he said too much and looked at the river, wishing Arthur would say something.

“Shut up,” Arthur ordered but there was no anger or bite in his voice, if anything he sounded slightly amused. He couldn’t tell Merlin how his breath hitched when he looked at the drawing or how Merlin’s words made his stomach flip over a little. “I didn’t know you could draw this well,” Arthur said instead.

“Yeah, I like it,” Merlin said lamely, feeling a little disappointed at Arthur’s reaction. He hadn’t expected Arthur to cry with thanks but he’d hoped for a little more…something. “I’m sorry I missed your birthday in October.”

Arthur waved his hand dismissively. His eighteenth birthday had been spent with his father, Morgana, and the rest of his family in London. None of his friends had attended. “I like the…” He waved the drawing around before folding it and tucking it back in the card.

“I know it’s not anything like what your father got you,” Merlin commented lightly, feeling stupid. His friend Will had been right; he shouldn’t have given a drawing as a gift to the boy who had everything.

Arthur snorted at the mention of his father. “Merlin, it’s great.” He smiled at Merlin, a real smile that touched his eyes and made him look even more handsome. “I really like it.”

Merlin let out a sigh of relief he hadn’t known he’d been holding and suddenly got to his feet. “Come on, I think you said something about going into town. I’d like to find something for my mum.”

“Alright,” Arthur said, getting to his feet. He handed the card back to Merlin. “Carry it for me. I don’t have my rucksack.”

Merlin rolled his eyes and put the card back in his bag.

****

A little after four in the afternoon, Merlin rang his mother and asked her to pick him up around five at the same place she had dropped him off.

“If it weren’t for my House dinner, I’d ask you to stay longer,” Arthur said when Merlin finished talking to his mum.

“It’s fine,” Merlin answered with a shrug. His face suddenly brightened. “Maybe next time you could come see me. Mum wouldn’t mind picking you up.”

Arthur nodded. It would take a lot of effort to get his father to allow him to leave the school to stay with a friend. Especially if the friend he wanted to stay with was not one who attended Eton and instead belonged to a lower-class family in a small village.

“Is Leon here for the weekend?” Merlin asked, not noticing Arthur’s silence.

“Yeah, he’s around,” Arthur replied. He and Merlin were walking back towards the college so that they could meet Merlin’s mum when she arrived in a little less than an hour.

“Oh,” Merlin said. “Was he busy or something? I thought he might have caught up to us.”

“I think he had plans with some of our other mates,” Arthur lied, feeling guilty. He hadn’t told Leon that Merlin was coming for the day because he’d wanted to spend time alone with Merlin. Arthur spent so much time with Leon and his other school friends that he’d wanted some time away from them. More specifically, he wanted time alone with Merlin. It was hard for him to remember how much he’d disliked this skinny, pale boy those first few weeks of summer camp. Merlin had become such a close friend in these last months that Arthur found himself missing Merlin.

Arthur and Merlin chatted often but Arthur noticed that he started wanting to call Merlin just to listen to his friend talk, not because he had anything of value to say. He’d tried telling himself that it was because Merlin was so far removed from Arthur’s regular world that it was simply easier to talk to Merlin. This was partly true but Arthur knew there was more to it and he was afraid to explore that feeling too deeply.

“Well, maybe next time he’ll come.” Merlin’s voice startled Arthur out of his thoughts.

“Huh?”

Merlin raised an eyebrow. “Were you even listening to me?”

“I never listen to you,” Arthur joked, startling a laugh out of Merlin.

****

Arthur was able to meet up with Merlin once more before the Christmas holidays. Merlin hadn’t really been free but he’d made up an excuse to get out of his plans with Will and asked his mother to drive him to Eton.

“You should have told Will the truth,” Hunith scolded Merlin as they parked the car. Arthur was going to meet him in town and so Hunith had decided to stay and do some Christmas shopping while Merlin visited Arthur.

“He wouldn’t have understood,” Merlin grumbled as he got out of the car. He had mentioned Arthur to Will a few times and Will had told Merlin that people like Arthur were better off left alone. (“They use us, take everything we own, and then forget about us like we’re rubbish,” Will had scoffed.) Even though Merlin had protested that Arthur was his friend, Will had gotten so angry that Merlin tried never to mention Arthur’s name again. If he got a text message from Arthur when he was spending time with Will, Merlin didn’t mention who had sent it.

“He’s just protective,” Hunith soothed. “He knows it’s hard for you at school.”

“ _Mum_!” Merlin protested, horrified. “Look, there’s Arthur.”

Arthur caught sight of Merlin getting out of the car and quickly walked over. It was a cold winter day and Arthur had on a heavy coat, scarf, and gloves. Seeing Merlin in a patched coat and fraying scarf with no gloves made Arthur feel a little uncomfortable about his own nice clothes. He shoved those thoughts aside, there was nothing he could do about Merlin’s family finances after all, and briefly wondered what it would be like to take Merlin’s hand and hold it to keep him warm.

Embarrassed that he was having such thoughts, Arthur promptly offered his hand to Hunith. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Hunith smiled at Arthur and shook his hand. He was certainly a good-looking young man, she thought, with his blond hair, blue eyes, and warm complexion. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Arthur. Merlin talks about you all the time.”

“Mum!” Merlin sputtered, looking mortified. He tried not to look at Arthur who was grinning shamelessly, as if he had just received a high compliment.

“I’m going to pop in some of the shops. You let me know when you’re ready to leave and I’ll come get you,” Hunith said, waving goodbye to the two boys.

“All the time, eh?” Arthur asked, arching an eyebrow. “I didn’t know you cared.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “I do talk about more important things. You’re not all that’s going on in my life.”

Arthur chuckled. “Come on, let’s have tea while your mum shops.”

Merlin followed Arthur to a nearby coffee shop that was occupied with other Eton students as well as people on their lunch breaks or people taking refuge from the cold. They grabbed a table by the back wall after paying for their drinks.

“Leon’s going to join us later,” Arthur informed Merlin once they sat down. Leon had been angry when he found out Arthur had spent the day with Merlin two weeks before without informing him that Merlin was coming into town.

“Why didn’t he just come down with you?” Merlin asked.

“His mum rang and I didn’t want to be late,” Arthur lied. He’d told Leon to come a little later so that he could talk to Merlin alone for a short time. He hadn’t told Leon that was what he was doing because he didn’t want Leon asking too many questions. To change the subject, Arthur suddenly reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a thin package. “I have something for you.”

“I don’t have anything for you,” Merlin whispered, looking ashamed. He didn’t have any pocket money left after buying gifts for his mother and Uncle Gaius. Originally Merlin had planned on drawing another picture for Arthur but because Arthur hadn’t seemed very excited about the first one, he’d decided against it. Never had he expected Arthur to give _him_ anything. As much as Merlin liked his wealthy friend, Arthur didn’t seem to think of others very often and Merlin had never thought of him as exceptionally generous.

“You don’t give gifts because you expect something in return,” Arthur snapped. In a slightly softer voice he added, “It’s really nothing much. Think of it as a combined early Christmas and birthday gift.”

Merlin took the thin package wondering what it could be.

“Well, open it,” Arthur told him, looking both amused and slightly agitated.

Merlin obeyed, his eyes widening when he saw what was contained in the package. “Arthur, you shouldn’t have bought this for me,” Merlin said, when he finished unwrapping his gift. Arthur had given him a new thirty-six-piece artist's drawing set that Merlin knew must have cost at least fifty quid. “Why would you do that?”

“I…erm, thought maybe you could make some more drawings,” Arthur answered. He had put the drawing Merlin had given him for his birthday in a frame and hung it on the wall in his room. It was among his favorite gifts and he selfishly hoped Merlin would draw more for him.

“It’s really nice. I wish I had something to give you.” Merlin looked ashamed and Arthur felt his heart constrict.

Pushing those feelings away Arthur said a little gruffly, “Say ‘thank you’, Merlin.”

“You really shouldn’t have given this to me,” Merlin scolded. He didn’t know why he was protesting. He loved the gift and he wanted it so badly but something in him rebelled, he didn’t like feeling as though he owed Arthur anything.

“ _Mer_ lin, say, ‘thank you, Arthur, you’re such a great mate’.” Arthur was amused. He had given his other friends gifts for Christmas but the gift for Merlin was special, it was something he’d known his friend would really like. Although he didn’t want to admit it right then, Arthur liked to make Merlin happy.

“You’re such a dollop head!” Merlin said, starting to laugh.

“I’m a what?” Arthur demanded, trying to maintain a sense of dignity. “I don’t believe that’s a thank you. I don’t even think that’s a word!”

Merlin shook his head. “You shouldn’t have gotten this for me if you only did it for thanks.” He grinned slyly. “Dollop head.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “You’re such an idiot sometimes, Merlin.” He looked at the door as if to check for Leon but was trying to hide his disappointment. He knew he’d done a bad job conveying how much Merlin’s first gift had meant to him and this was the only way he knew how to express those feelings.

Merlin put his hand gingerly on Arthur’s wrist to pull Arthur’s attention back to him. “Thank you.”

Arthur tried desperately not to lick his lips as his mouth suddenly went dry. He looked down at where Merlin’s hand was touching him and then met Merlin’s eyes. In their blue depths Arthur could see the gratitude and love Merlin had for him. While Arthur was convinced Merlin’s love was simply that of a friend, and not the kind of love Arthur thought he might feel for Merlin, it warmed him from the inside to know how much Merlin cared. 

“Don’t be stupid,” Arthur muttered, pulling his arm back with a small smile. “I’m glad you liked it.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic was originally written in 2012 which means that laptops still had DVD readers. I'm sure some still do but mine doesn't and I definitely miss having one! 
> 
> Thank you for reading. :)

It was Arthur’s last day of Christmas holiday and his foster sister was driving him mental. “There’s no girl!” Arthur yelled at Morgana for what felt like the hundredth time. 

“Who do you keep messaging?” Morgana asked sweetly. “It’s not always Leon or Gwaine or any of your other little school friends.”

“It’s none of your business,” Arthur snapped at her, trying to get her to go away so that he could ring Merlin and tell him he had good news. “Who is it that meets you at the back window every evening when you think Father is asleep?”

Morgana’s cheeks flushed. “How did you know?” 

While Morgana was not Uther’s daughter biologically, he had become her legal guardian when she was around eight after her own father died in a car crash. Morgana’s mother had died in childbirth and her father Gorlois had been Uther’s best friend and one of his chief solicitors at the legal firm. Even before Morgana had come to live with them permanently nine years ago, she and Arthur had spent plenty of time together and living together had turned their childhood friendship into a sibling-like bond.

“I won’t say anything if you just go away.” Arthur had no intention of informing his father about Morgana’s nocturnal activities but he really wanted to talk to Merlin. 

“ _Fine_!” Morgana snapped, turning on her heel. “You better keep your mouth shut, Arthur!”

As often as they fought, Arthur and Morgana were quite good friends. He loved her like a sister and the two got along quite well when they weren’t bickering. Putting Morgana out of his mind, Arthur pressed the button to ring Merlin. “Come on, pick up,” Arthur muttered as the phone continued to ring. 

“Hi, Arthur,” Merlin said, sounding tired. 

“I have good news,” Arthur informed him, sounding pleased with himself. He wondered why Merlin was so tired, it was one in the afternoon after all, but put it out of his mind so that he could tell Merlin his news. “I spoke with my father and…”

“Arthur, would you mind if I rang you back?” Merlin interrupted. “Uncle Gaius has been ill for the last week and I didn’t get to sleep until late because I was helping Mum take care of him. I’m sorry, I really do want to hear about your good news but,” he yawned into the phone, “I’m just so tired, I don’t think I can concentrate.”

“Oh,” Arthur replied, trying not to sound disappointed. “Of course.” Awkwardly he added, “I’m sorry about your uncle.”

“Thanks. I’ll talk to you later.” Merlin yawned loudly again and rang off.

Arthur frowned. Why hadn’t Merlin mentioned his uncle was sick any of the other times they had spoken over the holiday? He felt guilty for not knowing, not that there was anything he could do about it, he told himself, but he still thought he should have known. Another part of him felt even worse for being annoyed that Merlin hadn’t let him tell the good news. Arthur put the selfish part aside and tried to focus on hoping Merlin’s uncle felt better soon. He couldn’t help it, however, he still wished Merlin had let him talk.

****

Arthur had to wait until the end of February to next see Merlin. It was the last Sunday of the month and Arthur had the afternoon free. Gaius had agreed to drop Merlin off and Arthur was looking forward to spending time together. He still hadn’t told Merlin his good news and he was beginning to worry that maybe Merlin wouldn’t be as excited as Arthur. 

“What’s wrong?” Merlin asked instead of saying ‘hello’ when he first saw Arthur.

“Nothing’s wrong.” Arthur shrugged, wondering why Merlin would ask. “How’s your uncle?”

“Gaius? He’s fine.” Merlin looked confused, Arthur rarely asked him about himself or his family. “How’s your father?” he ventured, wondering if they were suddenly going to have a very English greeting exchange.

Arthur snorted. They never talked about his father if Arthur could help it. “ _Mer_ lin, stop being stupid. I just remembered you uncle was ill.”

“Right,” Merlin replied, bemused. He grinned suddenly. “But how  _is_  your father?”

“Shut up,” Arthur ordered. “I have good news.”

“Oh right, you never did get around to telling me.” He looked at Arthur expectantly. He’d actually forgotten about Arthur ringing him over the holiday to tell Merlin about how he had good news from his father. Merlin had been concerned about Gaius because his great-uncle had come down with shingles and he and his mother had been doing their best to take care of him. Merlin had assumed that Arthur was going to tell him about a gift he had received for Christmas or a new trip his father was planning.

“My father gave me permission to be signed out of school by a few of my friends’ parents,” Arthur said, looking extremely pleased with himself. 

“Great,” Merlin said slowly, not quite understanding why this mattered. 

Arthur rolled his eyes. “Father doesn’t know who all of my friends are or what their parents are called so I wrote your mum’s name and your uncle’s name down on the list as well.” As Merlin’s eyes widened, Arthur flashed him a very toothy grin. “I didn’t lie to him or anything, I just added your mum and uncle along with Leon’s parents and some others.” 

Merlin looked shocked. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? What if your dad finds out…finds out you’ve been spending time with me?”

Arthur wasn’t stupid. He knew what Merlin was suggesting and he looked offended for a second before letting out a sigh. He couldn’t argue with Merlin, he knew his father was an elitist and would not approve of Arthur’s friendship with Merlin. “He won’t find out. He’s not going to ask to meet your mum or anything.”

Merlin secretly thought that anything was possible but he kept his mouth shut. He was very excited at the thought of Arthur being able to spend the weekend at his house that he didn’t want to argue and point out all of the problems with Arthur’s plan. Some of his anxiety must have shown on his face because Arthur asked, “What, do you not want me to come to your house or something? I don’t care if you live in a hovel.”

“Not all of us poor, common people live in hovels, Arthur,” Merlin said, his voice very, very dry. 

“Then what’s the problem?” Arthur demanded. He was not happy with the way his news had been greeted. 

“No problem,” Merlin replied. He grinned suddenly, his whole face lighting up. “I’m really excited. I’ll talk to Mum and see if you can come stay with us next weekend.”

“Not next weekend,” Arthur said. “I’m going to be in London. Morgana has a performance at NLCS that I have to go to.”

Merlin nodded. “The weekend after?” He was starting to get very excited. He hoped that his mother wouldn’t ask too many questions when he told her that she could now sign Arthur out of school on the weekends.

“Maybe. I’ll let you know.” Arthur didn’t want to admit how much he wanted to go to Merlin’s. He had very good friends at Eton and he was top in most of his classes but he wanted to be able to have more time with Merlin. Sometimes he felt as though his friend had a much easier life – no one had any unrealistic demands of Merlin, his mother didn’t put any unnecessary pressure on him, and he was free to choose his own path. Arthur wanted to see what it was like to be away from everything Eton and his father represented. 

****

It wasn’t until after half-term that Arthur was able to spend the night at Merlin’s. He’d had free days where Merlin was able to come to Eton, and they had gone to Windsor together once as well, but it was hard for Arthur to find time when he could actually spend the night away from his school. As much as Merlin teased him about only being good at football, Arthur studied hard and did well in his classes. He knew that his father expected (well, demanded was probably a better word) he read law at Oxford and he intended to prove to his father that he was more than capable of achieving this. 

Merlin’s uncle came to collect Arthur from school but Merlin was nowhere to be seen. 

“He’s trying to finish his homework and chores,” Gaius said in response to Arthur’s confused questions about Merlin’s whereabouts. “He should be done by the time we get there.”

When they arrived in Ealdor, Arthur pulled his bag out of the boot and followed Gaius up the drive. The house was quite small but Arthur thought it was rather pretty. There was a small garden in the front and a little hedge that framed the front walk. 

“Come in,” Gaius said, holding the door for Arthur. “Merlin should be up in his room. It’s the second door on the left at the top of the stairs.”

Thanking Gaius, Arthur quickly climbed the stairs and knocked on Merlin’s door. 

“Yeah, come in!” Merlin called. He didn’t look up when Arthur walked in, his eyes focused on an open book. 

Arthur stood awkwardly in Merlin’s small bedroom, unsure of where to put his small travel bag. There was hardly any room for Merlin’s bed, dresser, and desk, let alone Merlin and Arthur. Shaking himself a little, Arthur crossed the room and dropped his bag next to Merlin’s dresser before seating himself on Merlin’s bed. “What are you doing?”

Merlin was running his hand through his hair as he focused on his textbook. At Arthur’s voice, he looked up and smiled, his hair sticking up all over the place. “I’m sorry, I haven’t finished my Maths yet.” He closed the book with a shrug. “I’ll do it tomorrow after you leave.”

Arthur nodded. Merlin never talked about his studies or his school. Arthur wasn’t even sure which A-Levels Merlin was currently taking. “What should we do now?”

Merlin's brows came together in a frown and Arthur suddenly felt incredibly uncomfortable. Whenever Merlin came to visit him at Eton, it was very easy for them. Arthur would take Merlin to meet up with Leon and the three had fun telling jokes, walking around town, or spending time with other boys from Eton. During those times Merlin usually stayed quiet while Arthur interacted with his school friends but Merlin always seemed to enjoy himself. Other times, Merlin would sit on the side of the football field with Arthur, Leon, or, more frequently, their friend Lance while the Eton boys played football. Merlin had become quite close to Lance and had started asking after Lance whenever he visited Eton. Arthur made up excuses sometimes, jealous of Merlin’s interest in spending time alone with someone other than himself. 

Merlin, seeming to sense Arthur’s discomfort, suggested that they go down to the local coffee shop for tea. “Mum’s at work or we could have tea here,” Merlin explained. “I don’t think we have much to eat anyway and we could stop by to see her on the way back. She’d like that.” His mother worked at the florist shop a few streets over.

“Sure,” Arthur agreed. He had no idea what there was to do in Ealdor so he figured he would let Merlin decide. It was an odd feeling for him, he was so used to being the one who made the plans and was in charge. 

****

They spent the afternoon walking around Ealdor and looking at some of the shops or other local sites. Merlin had decided to show Arthur his home in an attempt to make Arthur understand that Ealdor was not some uncivilised town from the dark ages. 

“We do have a cinema, Arthur,” Merlin teased when Arthur pointed out a poster for a film he was hoping to see. 

Arthur rolled his eyes. “How _lucky_  you are. I suppose next you’ll tell me that you’ve got a colour telly as well.”

“Yes, actually,” Merlin confirmed, grinning. “We might not be London but we’re not exactly primitive.” 

“Is that your school?” Arthur asked after a few minutes. There was a large building up on the right with a gate around it. It was nowhere near the size of Eton but it was an attractive two-storey brick building with a large games field and a few outlying buildings Arthur guessed served as the science block or similar. In the front field was a group of boys kicking a ball around while another boy and a few girls looked on.

“Yeah,” Merlin said. “Let’s go this way.” He pointed in the opposite direction of the school Arthur was now walking towards. 

“How’s your school’s football?” Arthur asked, watching critically as one of the boys scored a goal. 

“It’s fine, I suppose,” Merlin answered. He had slowed down even though Arthur had sped up and was willing silently for Arthur to turn around and follow him. “Come on, let’s go meet up with my mum.”

Arthur was already at the gate and close enough to the boys on the field that one of the boys and two of the girls had noticed him. 

Merlin tried not to swear as Justine, a girl he knew from French class, made her way towards Arthur. He wasn’t friends with the boys who played football or with their girlfriends. They outwardly disliked him and they weren’t kind to him either. Merlin typically avoided them to avoid a confrontation. While he didn’t want to admit it, Merlin was slightly afraid that Arthur would prefer spending time with these people rather than with Merlin. They seemed to have more in common with Arthur than he did, Merlin thought. 

“Hey, Merlin,” said a voice from behind and Merlin turned to see his friend Will. “What are you doing hiding behind the post?”

“I’m not hiding,” Merlin protested. He had to admit that it did look odd as he stood behind the gatepost and tried to make himself go and get Arthur. 

“Well, what are you doing then?” Will asked with amusement. “Don’t tell me you were hoping to join Ian’s team?”

Merlin laughed. “Of course not.” He looked at Arthur again and saw that Arthur was holding himself very stiffly as he spoke with Justine and the other two students who were watching the match. Merlin assumed that they had told Arthur he wasn’t allowed to play and turned back to Will. “What are you doing?”

“Mum needs milk so I offered to get it for her,” Will replied. He noticed Merlin watching the fit-looking blond boy who was talking to Justine, Emily, and Daniel. “Friend of yours? Not really your type, is he?”

Merlin narrowed his eyes but Will didn’t appear to be joking. Will had told Merlin a few months ago that he knew and accepted that Merlin was gay even if Merlin couldn't admit it aloud. Merlin had never talked to him about this revelation other than to shrug and change the subject. At first, he had thought Will was making fun of him or being cruel like some of the other boys at school. However, then he’d realized Will was just concerned that Merlin was afraid to talk about it and it made Merlin a little nervous. Will had also told Merlin that when he did need to talk, he would be there for him. (“I’m not gay,” Will had said, “but my favorite cousin is and I know that even though most people are really open about it, it’s not always easy to tell your friends or family.”) Merlin appreciated Will’s kindness but he still didn’t want to discuss his ‘type’ with anyone, especially not right now. 

“That’s Arthur,” Merlin said after a moment’s hesitation. “He’s staying the night.”

Will’s eyebrows rose and he looked angrily at the young blond man who was now walking towards them. “Hmph,” Will said. “I guess I was wrong. He is what you like.”

“Stop it, Will,” Merlin said crossly. “I haven’t told him about any of…that.” He flapped his hand about to indicate the unspoken subject.

“Good friend, is he?” Will said scornfully. “I’ll see you later, Merlin.” He turned and walked away before Arthur could say hello.

Arthur frowned after Will. “He wasn’t giving you trouble, was he?”

“Will?” Merlin asked, smiling slightly at Arthur’s protective tone. He’d never heard Arthur speak like that. “Of course not. He’s a friend of mine.”

“Good.” Arthur put his hand on Merlin’s shoulder and indicated they walk back down the street. His face was stony and Merlin was starting to get nervous that maybe Arthur no longer wanted to stay with him. 

“Arthur?” Merlin ventured after close to ten minutes of silent walking.

Arthur shook his head. “We’ll talk when we get back to your room.”

“What about visiting my mum?” Merlin asked, very concerned about the mood that was now possessing Arthur. He was convinced that Arthur was going to ask him if he would get his uncle to take him back to Eton. He’d tried to keep Arthur away from the football pitch and the school for a reason! Those other teenagers didn’t like Merlin because they thought he was too different and (though Merlin didn’t agree with Will on this) were slightly jealous of how well he did in school. Merlin hadn’t wanted Arthur to think that he was such an unpopular freak. 

“We’ll see her when she gets home,” Arthur replied. “I want to talk to you.”

“Gaius won’t be home,” Merlin said, hoping to deter Arthur from leaving. “He usually goes to the library in the afternoons.”

Arthur shrugged but said nothing more. 

When they reached Merlin’s house they found that Merlin had been right and Gaius was not home. Rather than sit in the small living room they went up to Merlin’s room, Arthur closing the door behind them. 

“Sit down,” Arthur said, his words sounding more like an order than an invitation. 

“This is my room, you prat,” Merlin said, hoping to lighten the mood. Arthur didn’t respond to Merlin’s teasing and Merlin sat. He fiddled with the hem of his t-shirt and was about to ask what the hell was wrong with him when Arthur finally spoke.

“Why don’t they like you?”

Merlin was so startled he almost fell off of his bed. “What?”

Arthur sighed and sat down next to Merlin. “Those other students. Why don’t they like you?”

“You’re going to be a great solicitor,” Merlin said sarcastically, “you’re so tactful.”

“Barrister,” Arthur corrected, a small smile creeping on his face. “Idiot.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

Arthur frowned. “ _Mer_ lin. You didn’t answer my question.”

“They just don’t,” Merlin replied, trying not to sound sulky. “They never have. I’ve lived in Ealdor for four years now and they’ve just never taken to me.” He shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”

“They said you get above yourself,” Arthur said thoughtfully. “Well, I could have told them that. You do tend to ignore what class you’re meant to be in.” He smirked. “You also look like you got dressed in the dark more than half of the time. You might be common but you can do better than that.”

“You’re such an arrogant arse!” Merlin said hotly, not sure whether he should punch Arthur or strangle him. “I pull my trousers on one leg at a time just like you, Arthur Pendragon!”

Arthur laughed but there was a gentleness in his eyes that Merlin didn't understand. “Maybe I went too far. You’re not common.” 

Merlin knew that was all of an apology he was going to get from Arthur and he calmed down. Once he'd relaxed, he could see that Arthur was joking and was actually quite concerned about Merlin. Arthur never had been very good at expressing his emotions, Merlin reminded himself. 

“You shouldn’t let them treat you badly,” Arthur said in a softer voice, looking into Merlin’s dark blue eyes and feeling an overwhelming sense of emotions he couldn’t quite identify. He had been furious when the two girls and boy had been making fun of Merlin to him. Merlin had never spoken badly of people before and Arthur now wished that he’d known more about what Merlin went through at school. “ _I never asked_ ,” he thought to himself angrily. He knew he had a tendency to be rather selfish but he hadn’t realized just how little he knew about Merlin’s daily life or about his future goals. All he knew was that Merlin hoped to be a physician.

Merlin shifted uncomfortably. “It’s fine, Arthur.”

“They don’t erm…hurt you or anything, do they?” Arthur watched as Merlin turned a deep shade of red, clearly embarrassed to be having this conversation. “Well?”

“No,” Merlin said quietly. “They mostly ignore me.”

Arthur nodded and unclenched his fists. His palms hurt slightly and he looked to see half-moon marks where his nails had been digging in to the soft flesh. He’d never felt this protective of anyone before and he wished that he’d known before. “ _What would you have been able to do?_ ” he silently asked himself. He looked at Merlin who still appeared to be embarrassed.

Clearing his throat Arthur asked, “Do you want to watch something? I brought my laptop and a few DVDs.”

Merlin nodded. “Sure.”

Arthur quickly retrieved his laptop and his DVD case. Tossing the case to Merlin he booted up his computer. “You pick. I like everything in there.”

“Thanks,” Merlin said, looking Arthur directly in the eyes.

“Sure.” Arthur shrugged and began looking around for a place to plug in his computer.

Merlin grabbed Arthur’s wrist and pulled him back so that Arthur would look at his face. “Not for letting me choose the film,” he said, indicating the DVD case he was still holding. “I meant for…I don’t know. Just, thanks.” 

Arthur nodded and looked at where Merlin’s hand was still curled around his wrist. He swallowed thickly and then looked at Merlin’s face. In Merlin’s eyes he saw gratitude and a few other things Arthur was reluctant to name. “It’s nothing.” 

He gently squeezed Merlin’s hand to get Merlin to drop his wrist. As he turned to plug his computer into the wall, Arthur thought he heard Merlin mutter, “It’s something to me,” but he couldn’t be sure. 


	3. Chapter 3

After Hunith and Merlin returned from driving Arthur back to Eton on Sunday, Will came over to visit Merlin. Merlin had really enjoyed Arthur’s visit and the fact that his mother and great-uncle had liked Arthur made Merlin feel extremely pleased. 

“He obviously cares for you,” Hunith had said when Merlin told her he’d had fun with Arthur. Merlin had tried not to blush but his mother had only smiled wider. 

“Merlin!” Gaius called. “Will’s here.”

“Come up!” Merlin called from his bedroom. He was trying to finish the last of his homework before dinner and was nearly done. There'd been no time to work on it while Arthur had visited and Merlin felt he'd deserved the break.

“Is he gone?” Will asked, looking around Merlin’s tiny bedroom before flopping down on Merlin’s bed. 

“He’s cool,” Merlin protested. “You don’t even know him. I don’t know why you don’t like him.”

Will shrugged. “I don’t have to like him.”

“I didn’t like him when I met him.” Merlin shrugged as well. “I thought he was selfish and arrogant. I like him now,” Merlin added, feeling the need to defend Arthur even though he knew Will was right, that it didn’t matter if Will liked him. Arthur certainly wouldn’t care if Will liked him or not.

“He still is,” Will informed him. 

“No, he isn’t,” Merlin argued. He set his pencil down and rubbed his eyes. He was exhausted. Arthur had kept him up half the night telling funny stories about his friends at school and about his foster sister Morgana being caught sneaking away from her school to meet a boy. 

“I hear how you talk about him,” Will pointed out. “You always tell me about your trips to Eton and how he treats you. You’re not his friend, Merlin. You’re more like his pet. Something he can show off and say, ‘look how well rounded I am, I have stupid plebs for friends’!”

Merlin raised his eyebrow and started to laugh. “Plebs? Are you joking?”

Will didn’t look amused. “I’m only saying that he’s using you because he’s bored. You’re his hobby.”

Merlin tried not to show Will how much his words stung when he said defensively, “He’s my friend.”

“He might well be your friend but you’re not his. Friends don’t lord over one another,” Will snapped. “Friends don’t just take and give nothing back.”

“I like him,” Merlin protested. Will was striking at Merlin’s insecurities and Merlin was doing his best not to let it show how much Will’s words were affecting him. 

“Oh yeah? So he knows your secrets? He doesn’t just talk about himself? That’s how you always make it sound.” Will looked at Merlin a little sadly. “Look, mate, you’re living a lie. You’re not his friend and you don’t trust him. Otherwise you’d tell him the truth. Are you scared about how he’ll react?” He sighed at the look on Merlin’s face but didn’t regret what he’d said. Merlin needed to know that Arthur was not as wonderful as Merlin seemed to think he was. 

“I trust him,” Merlin said quietly but he could see that Will didn’t believe him.

“Yeah, right.” Will shook his head. 

Merlin tried to put Will’s words out of his head but was having a hard time. He looked back at his Maths textbook and worked out the last problem while Will lay on his bed and stared up at the ceiling. When he finally finished, he closed his book and offered Will a smile. As much as Will’s words had hurt, he knew his friend had only said them because he cared. Will had seen Merlin get hurt before and Merlin knew it had been difficult but they had never discussed it and Merlin wasn’t about to go down that road now.

“Come on,” Merlin said, nodding towards his bedroom door. “I think Mum has some of those biscuits you like.”

****

Over the next few weeks, Merlin tried not to think about what Will had said about Arthur. He knew Will had to be wrong (why else would Arthur have been so upset to learn that Merlin was bullied?) but it didn’t stop him from dwelling on those words. He’d even turned down two invitations to visit Arthur at Eton, claiming he needed to study for his A-Levels. 

Thursday evening, his mobile rang. Merlin sighed, and his stomach did a little flip, when he saw it was Arthur. He’d already ignored two of Arthur’s calls and was feeling guilty. He had no reason not to answer; Will had simply gotten into his head. 

“Hi, Arthur.”

“ _Mer_ lin,” Arthur replied, sounding annoyed. “I’ve been trying to ring you for ages.”

“Despite what you may think,  _Your Highness_ , my life does not revolve around you.” He smiled at Arthur’s derisive snort. “I don’t have to pick up every time you’re on the line.”

Arthur chose to ignore Merlin’s comments and said simply, “I think we should do something this weekend. Can I stay at yours?”

“Um…” Merlin said, trying to figure out what to say. He knew his mother and uncle would have no problem with Arthur staying with them Saturday night. He just wasn’t sure he was ready to see Arthur again after the additional conversations he’d had with Will. He didn’t really want to tell Arthur his ‘secrets’ as Will called them. They weren’t secrets, exactly. He just was afraid of Arthur’s reaction if he learned about Merlin’s feelings, his sexuality, and his dad.

“Look, Merlin,” Arthur sighed, “I’m going to be back in London in three weeks for the summer holidays so unless you plan on coming to London, we’re not going to see each other until next September.”

“I’ll have Mum pick you up,” Merlin replied after only a moment’s hesitation. 

****

“Why have you been ignoring me?” Arthur demanded once they were in Merlin’s room after dinner on Saturday evening. Arthur shut the door and crossed his arms as he looked at Merlin with a very serious expression on his face.

“I haven’t…” Merlin began but Arthur held up his hand to stop him. 

“Don’t lie to me.” Arthur was angry, Merlin realized. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to have done but whatever it is, I’d like to have the explanation.” When Merlin didn’t answer him, Arthur snapped, “Now, Merlin.”

Merlin stared. Arthur had never spoken to him like this before and Merlin wondered if this was how Mr Pendragon spoke to Arthur when he was home from Eton. “It’s really nothing. I’ve just been busy studying and haven’t had much time.”

Arthur narrowed his eyes. He’d been studying too so he understood what Merlin was going through but he had a sense that there was more going on. However, he wanted to talk to Merlin about the stress he was under, not have Merlin push him away or ignore his calls. Merlin would usually talk to him online through Skype's instant messenger but he hadn’t been available recently. 

“Well, then I guess it’s good you weren’t as busy this weekend, yeah?” Arthur almost flinched at the bite in his own voice. “I was looking forward to having fun.”

“Sorry to disappoint you,” Merlin muttered, thinking Arthur was having a go at him.

“You’re an absolute idiot sometimes, Merlin. I honestly think you might be slightly mad.” Arthur shook his head and sat down on Merlin’s bed looking amused, the anger leaving him. The sleeping bag Merlin had used last time was bunched up in the corner waiting for the boys to go to sleep and Arthur glanced at it. 

“Thanks,” Merlin replied, sounding bitter even to himself.

Arthur stared at him. “Are you sure nothing’s bothering you?” He got up and walked towards Merlin who looked away. “Well, what is it?”

There was a knock on Merlin’s door and before Merlin could say anything, Will poked his head in. When he saw Arthur, Will’s face went from curious to frustrated.

“Hi,” he said coolly, stepping into Merlin’s room and not bothering to close the door. 

“Hello,” Arthur replied, not really wanting to pay attention to Will but knowing it would be poor manners to ignore him. “I’m Arthur.”

Will nodded and said darkly, “I know.”

Arthur frowned and turned ask Merlin a question only to see that his friend had a rather closed expression on his face as he watched Will sit down on his bed. 

“What are you doing here, Will?” Merlin asked, his tone terse but not unkind. 

“I thought I’d come over and convince you to take a break but it looks like you didn’t need the reminder.” He nodded at Arthur who looked nonplussed.

“Merlin!” his mother called from downstairs, cutting through the tension in the room. “You forgot to finish the washing up.”

“Sorry, Mum!” Merlin replied loudly. He looked from Will to Arthur and gave what he hoped was an apologetic shrug before leaving his room and heading downstairs. He was more concerned about his mother coming upstairs to scold him for neglecting his chores and finding out how extremely awkward and uncomfortable it was in his room than he was about leaving Will and Arthur alone. So long as Will didn’t try to kill Arthur while Merlin was washing the dinner plates, Merlin didn’t care what Will said. He knew Arthur could take care of himself. Merlin needed a moment to himself to figure out what was wrong with him anyway. 

Arthur looked at Will once Merlin had left. “You’re the friend Merlin told me about.”

Will shrugged but he watched Arthur closely as the slightly bigger youth sat down in Merlin’s desk chair. “At least he has a friend.”

Arthur wasn’t sure what to make of that statement so he said nothing. He wasn’t sure why Will didn’t like him and he didn’t particularly care. However, he did care about Merlin and he wanted to know what was bothering his friend. “Did something happen to Merlin?”

“What do _you_ care?” Will demanded.  

Arthur tried not to hit him. He hadn’t done anything and this other boy was set on being rude and unpleasant. He remembered when he thought that Merlin was rude but this was not the same, Merlin cared about people and didn’t like when others were treated badly. Will was downright hostile. “He’s just been off ever since I got here.”

“Well, I can’t help you,” Will snapped, pushing himself off of the bed. “Tell Merlin I’ll see him later, yeah? Sometime after you’ve gone.” He cast an eye around the room and saw Merlin’s sleeping bag. “Why not give Merlin his own bed tonight? You might be his guest but I doubt you even asked. He got bruises from sleeping on the floor last time.”

Before Arthur could think of a retort or protest that Merlin had never told him about the bruises, Will had left the room and was on his way out the front door. Arthur was slightly shocked by the venom with which Will had treated him and wasn’t sure what to make of it. He wondered if there was something else going on between Will and Merlin that he was unaware of. From what little Merlin had told him of Will, Arthur knew that Will was one year ahead of them in classes and was Merlin’s closest friend in Ealdor. However, Merlin had also told him that Will spent most of his time with Merlin and had gotten into a bit of trouble with some of the local boys. Arthur wondered if maybe Will’s anger towards Arthur had been out of some kind of jealousy. He had no other explanation. Did Will think that Arthur…? 

Arthur didn’t want to go down that trail of thought because it hit too close to home. 

“Where’s Will?” Merlin asked, a frown on his face as he walked into his room.

“He said he’d see you later,” Arthur answered, watching Merlin closely for how he reacted to this news. He wondered what was going on between the two of them and forced down a feeling that was definitely  _not_  jealousy. 

“Oh.” Merlin looked sheepish. “I’m sorry if he was rude to you. He’s a little…protective.”

Arthur waved off the apology and asked bluntly, “Are you dating him?”

“What?” Merlin stammered, his voice going higher than normal. “No! Of course not. He’s just a friend.”

Arthur shrugged. “I thought that might be it.”

“What?” Merlin asked shakily, face pale. 

“I thought maybe that was why you were acting so strangely and ignoring me,” Arthur clarified. “When Will came in I thought he was your…your boyfriend or something and that you…” He could see Merlin turning red and Arthur started to laugh. “Clearly I was wrong.”

“Clearly,” Merlin confirmed, looking out the window. 

“What is it, then, Merlin?” Arthur pressed. “I’m only asking because, regardless of how utterly ridiculous and idiotic you can be, you are my mate and I care about you.”

“Really?” Merlin asked, genuinely touched.

“No,” Arthur retorted with a laugh, though the smile on his face gave away that he was joking. “Now, tell me.”

Merlin sighed. He really shouldn’t have let Will get into his head. It had just been too much. Will knew, or guessed, how much Merlin cared for Arthur and had only been trying to keep Merlin from getting hurt. He shouldn’t have let himself get carried away with everything. It had just been such a burden lately – dealing with school, thinking about his A-Levels, worrying about possible unis, trying to avoid Ian’s group of football goons (Will had taken care of their latest round of teasing before it had gotten violent), and wrestling with his feelings for Arthur – that Merlin hadn’t really had time to himself. Will had been right, he thought, if he really trusted Arthur then he would have told his secrets. He didn’t have to tell Arthur everything, he reminded himself, but he owed him a little. 

“It was something Will said to me,” Merlin said, and he tried not to chuckle when Arthur rolled his eyes in what Merlin knew to mean, “ _Of course he did, the stupid git_ ”. “I need to tell you something.” Merlin bit his lip. “I just don’t want…please don’t think differently about me.”

Arthur frowned. “What’s wrong, Merlin? If you have something you need to say, just say it.” He didn’t usually like talking about personal problems but he did care about Merlin and Arthur wanted to know what was bothering him. 

“It’s about my dad,” Merlin said, only lying a little. He wanted to tell Arthur about the  _other_  thing but he was worried that Arthur would tell him to go away and never speak to him again, like Ian had done (though Merlin refused to think about Ian when he was spending time with Arthur). He was nervous what Arthur would think about his dad but not as scared of what Arthur would think if Merlin told him he…well, Merlin didn’t like thinking about  _that_  because his friendship with Arthur meant a lot to him. 

“What about him?” Arthur asked curiously. He sat down on Merlin’s bed and Merlin sat down next to him. 

“He’s not here anymore,” Merlin replied.

Arthur had to keep from chuckling and forced himself to keep a straight face. “Well, that’s a little obvious.”

“He left,” Merlin said, hurt by Arthur’s tone. 

“I didn’t mean…sorry,” Arthur said quietly, clearly abashed. He hadn’t meant to be insulting. “Is that why you moved to Ealdor? Your parent’s divorce?”

Merlin jerked his head in what Arthur took to be affirmation. “Sort of. I never knew my dad growing up. I only met him once, actually.” At Arthur’s confused look Merlin added, “He left before he even knew my mum was pregnant. She got word to him somehow, at least she must have done. When I met him, he knew about me and who I was.” Merlin shrugged. “Anyway, he never came back after I was born. He didn’t care enough about my mum no matter what she says.” Merlin’s tone had gotten bitter but there was a touch of sadness too. 

“You said you got to meet him,” Arthur reminded him, his voice gentler than normal. 

“Just the once,” Merlin confirmed. “When I was thirteen, we got a message from one of the hospitals in Armagh saying that he had been hit by a car and was asking for my mum. He’d given the nurses our address.” A sad look came over her face. “I think she kept the flat even though he left because she was hoping he would come back.”

Arthur felt compassion wash over him for Merlin. It was a new feeling for Arthur because he had never really felt sympathy for Merlin before; he’d never known (and to be honest he’d never thought to ask) about some of the darker parts of Merlin’s life. He knew Merlin’s family didn’t have a lot of money but they seemed to be very happy people who truly loved each other. He didn’t feel that way about his own family. He loved Morgana (though he would never tell her that) and they got on quite well when they weren't at each other's throats but he and his father did not have what Arthur would classify as a very loving relationship.

“I met him when he was in hospital,” Merlin continued, oblivious to Arthur’s thoughts about his own family. “He was mentally ill; schizophrenic.” Merlin fiddled with the neck of his shirt, avoiding Arthur’s eyes. “He hadn’t been taking his medication and was convinced of all sorts of fantasy lands. He believed in dragons,” Merlin whispered, looking pained. “Anyway, he was lucid enough when I met him and he was nice to me. I think I could have loved him if he’d stayed on medication and been there when I was growing up.” 

“What happened?” Arthur prompted, dreading what Merlin was about to tell him.

“He died,” Merlin said simply. “Too much internal damage.”

“And then you moved to England,” Arthur finished for him. 

Merlin nodded. “I think Mum had been hoping for him to come back and now that we knew he’d died, there was nothing keeping her in Northern Ireland. Gaius had been asking us to move in with him for a while – he’d gotten tired of living alone – so we moved.”

“Why were you so worried about telling me that?” Arthur asked after a few minutes of lonely silence where he wasn’t sure what to do.

“I don’t know,” Merlin answered. He really wasn’t sure why he’d been worried. It was true that he was upset about the events surrounding his father’s death. It was also true that Merlin was a little embarrassed about telling people that his dad had abandoned his mum. Talking about losing his dad was difficult and four years later, he still didn’t know how to process everything. However, that wasn’t the topic he was truly agonizing over at the moment and he didn’t particularly want to admit that to Arthur. 

“I never knew my mother,” Arthur said quietly. He had never told Merlin this before. It was something he didn’t like thinking about because it made him fall into a rather melancholy mood and he couldn’t always bring himself out of it. “She died when I was born.”

“That’s terrible,” Merlin said, though he also thought that it was a little different. Arthur’s mother hadn’t run out on his father and abandoned her son. Arthur’s mother had probably wanted her son. However, he couldn’t fault Arthur for trying to empathise with him.  

“There aren’t any pictures of her in the house,” Arthur continued. “Father never speaks about her. I didn’t even know what her name was until I was about four or five. Father got angry, still does actually, if I mention her or ask about her.”

Merlin nodded sadly. That would have been difficult, he thought. Knowing that you’d once had a mother but knowing absolutely nothing about her and not being allowed to ask. At least Merlin’s mother had always been honest with him and answered all of his questions. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Arthur said, shaking his head. He smiled a little. “I still don’t understand why you were so nervous about telling me. What happened between your mum and dad doesn’t say anything about you. Besides, you can’t blame him for being ill. That's not his fault.”

“Thanks,” Merlin said quietly. He still felt a little empty but much better. His anger at Arthur from a few hours ago had completely left him. “Do you want to go down to the shop and get a coffee?’

Arthur smiled. “Sure.”

****

 Later that night, after watching a DVD on Arthur’s laptop, Merlin started to shake out his sleeping bag. Remembering what Will had said, Arthur took the bag from him. 

“What are you doing?” Merlin asked. “You can have my bed.”

“It’s your bed,” Arthur replied. “You take it. I don’t mind sleeping on the floor.”

Merlin raised his eyebrows. “You’ll hate it.”

“No doubt,” Arthur confirmed. He snatched one of Merlin’s pillows and was about to chuck it on the ground when Merlin caught his wrist. 

“Let’s share it.”

Arthur frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“My bed,” Merlin stated, licking his lips because his mouth had gone dry for some odd reason. “It’s big enough for two.”

“Had a lot of practice with that, have you?” Arthur asked wryly. 

Merlin rolled his eyes. “I’m not going to offer again. Do what you want; I’m going to take a shower.”

Merlin came back from his shower to find Arthur had stripped down to his undershirt and boxers and was lying in Merlin’s bed. 

“Come on, darling,” Arthur drawled, making Merlin double over with laughter. 

“Don’t do anything frightening,” Merlin warned as he climbed into bed once he had finally stopped laughing. 

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m not going to touch you badly,” Arthur replied, taking pleasure in Merlin’s almost undetectable shudder.

Merlin was grateful that his back was to Arthur because he had to bite his lip to keep from grinning. “Does that mean you’re planning on touching me?”

“We are in bed together,” Arthur reminded Merlin, his voice light. He was holding still, not wanting to do anything or act on anything until he was entirely sure. 

“That doesn’t mean we have to sleep together,” Merlin said, his voice catching on the word 'together'. He did not turn around; he did not want Arthur to be able to see his face because he knew it would give everything away. Arthur might joke with him but he knew better than to think it was anything more than joking. 

“Well,  _Mer_ lin, there is sleeping together, which, as you pointed out is one of our options. Then there is  _sleeping_  together.” He paused to let Merlin think about this.

“And that’s another one of our options?” Merlin guessed after a lengthy pause. 

“Undoubtedly,” Arthur agreed. He waited a moment and, grinning to himself, said, “Good night, Merlin.”

Merlin couldn’t help the little noise of frustration that passed his lips but he tried to get himself under control. He could feel Arthur trying to get comfortable behind him and tried not to react whenever Arthur gently brushed against him. Merlin’s bed was almost too small for the two young men to sleep side-by-side without touching but neither one of them suggested sleeping head to foot or making a pillow barrier. Merlin scooted a little closer to the edge when he felt Arthur continue to toss and turn. 

“Sorry,” Merlin mumbled when Arthur made what sounded like a frustrated grumble. “I can get on the floor.” 

“It’s fine,” Arthur replied, laying still and silently ordering his body to get itself under control. “Get away from the edge, I don’t want your clumsy, bony body to fall and break. I’d be blamed. Besides, you’re not the problem.”

“Good to know,” Merlin said dubiously. “I did rather think we were friends.”

Arthur chuckled. “That’s not what I meant.”

Merlin shook his head and settled himself back in bed. “I can get on the floor, you know.”

“Shut up,” Arthur ordered but he sounded amused. 

Merlin rolled his eyes. “This is my bed, you arse.”

“I’m the guest,” Arthur pointed out sleepily and he practically heard Merlin roll his eyes this time. “That means you’re supposed to be polite.”

“Yes, Your Majesty,” Merlin said with mock humility. He started to laugh when Arthur pushed him and Merlin elbowed his friend back gently. “Get off, you oaf.”

“Look who’s talking.” Arthur gently pushed Merlin again, trying to make sure he didn’t push the dark-haired young man onto the floor. It wasn’t a big drop but he didn’t want to wake Merlin’s mother or great-uncle.

“Hey, I’m not a lumbering ogre on the football…” Arthur cut off Merlin’s next words by jabbing him in the side and making Merlin jump. “Tickle bears?” Merlin laughed. “We’re playing tickle bears?”

“I don’t lumber,” Arthur replied, ignoring Merlin’s protests about being tickled. He continued to prod at Merlin’s sides, making the thin young man jump and twist to get away. 

“That’s what you think,” Merlin said between gasps for air. Arthur’s poking didn’t tickle so much as it was uncomfortable but it was making Merlin laugh. 

“At least I’m not a walking disaster,” Arthur grumbled, knowing he was going to lose this argument and trying to maintain some sense of dignity. 

“Whatever you say,” Merlin replied slyly, trying not to laugh again. Arthur had stopped prodding him but his hand was still on Merlin’s side and Merlin was tense, waiting for the prodding to begin again.

“Shut up, Merlin.” Arthur left his hand on Merlin’s side, waiting to see if his touch was unwelcome. 

Merlin didn’t want to move for fear of dislodging Arthur’s hand from where it lightly rested just above his hip. He started to relax. Arthur’s touch was making him feel as though all of the blood was rushing to his left side and warmth was also spreading towards his…well, Merlin told  _that_  to cool down.  

Arthur rolled onto his right side, his hand sliding down to rest against Merlin’s stomach. He heard Merlin’s sharp intake of breath and Arthur relaxed, smiling when Merlin didn’t pull away. “Go to sleep,” he said, his sleepy voice commanding. 

Merlin relaxed and moved a little closer to Arthur, trying not to push his luck. The last thing he wanted was for Arthur to shove him out of bed and say that Merlin was disgusting or that he had misinterpreted Arthur’s touch.  _“He could just be uncomfortable,”_ Merlin told himself,  _“and this could be the easiest way for him to lie down. My bed is rather small.”_

“Stop fidgeting,” Arthur ordered. He felt Merlin begin to relax again and Arthur pulled him closer, pleased when Merlin offered no protest. He thought briefly that perhaps Merlin was terrified or convinced Arthur was about to hurt him but Arthur pushed those thoughts out of his head. 

“Sorry to disturb your royal slumber,” Merlin muttered sarcastically but he didn’t pull away. He wasn’t sure what was going on exactly but he wasn’t going to argue. He wasn’t ready to admit just how much he liked having Arthur’s arm wrapped around him. Will had been right when he’d accused Merlin of having feelings for Arthur but he hadn’t fully admitted it to himself and refused to think about it for too long. Arthur was his friend. Nothing could make him ruin that friendship the way he had done with Ian.

“You had better be sorry.” Arthur chuckled. He pulled Merlin a little closer, trying to be gentle and not scare Merlin away. Arthur also wanted to give Merlin the option to say no or ask Arthur to stop. The last thing he wanted was for Merlin to feel as though Arthur was forcing him to do anything that made him uncomfortable. When Arthur thought about how he felt for Merlin (which he did very rarely as those thoughts alone caused odd…stirrings) he just kept imagining the times they spent alone laughing, watching films on Arthur’s computer, and walking through town. He liked spending time with Merlin, liked making Merlin laugh, loved teasing Merlin and seeing the frustrated expression in those very blue eyes whenever Arthur got the better of him. 

Arthur found that he missed Merlin. As often as he wanted to see and talk to Merlin, the more Arthur found himself chucking his mobile in his desk or working on homework. It wouldn’t do for him to call Merlin just to listen to him talk rubbish. What would Merlin say if Arthur told him that was why he rang? No, it was better if Merlin never knew, it would probably scare him and the last thing Arthur wanted was for Merlin to be afraid of him. 

“Arthur,” Merlin began quietly and he felt Arthur tense behind him, the hand that was resting against his stomach began to pull away. Merlin nearly reached out to hold it in place but he was scared of what Arthur would say and Merlin desperately feared misinterpreting the situation and losing Arthur’s friendship.

Arthur moved away and pulled his arm from around Merlin. “Go to sleep,” he said roughly. “It’s late.”

Merlin felt hurt by Arthur’s tone and he wasn’t sure what he had done wrong. Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to roll onto his back so that his shoulder was pressed ever so lightly against Arthur’s chest. Arthur was almost curled around him when he lay like that and Merlin silently willed Arthur to reach out and touch him again. 

“Prat,” Merlin muttered after a few more seconds of silence and was rewarded with Arthur’s chuckle.

“Idiot.” Arthur slid his arm back around Merlin, his hand resting against Merlin’s chest. He could feel Merlin’s heart beating and briefly wondered if Merlin was half as nervous as he was. “Go to sleep.”

“Make me,” Merlin answered in what he hoped sounded like a cocky voice. He was terrified and he couldn’t quite explain why. Arthur was initiating the majority of this closeness but Merlin was too afraid to respond. Part of him still wondered if Arthur wasn’t just touching him because he could, if it wasn’t some kind of power play.

“I can hear you thinking,” Arthur grumbled, poking Merlin in the chest. “Go to sleep.”

“Yes, Sir!” Merlin muttered, turning onto his side to make himself more comfortable. As much as he liked Arthur touching him, he hated sleeping on his back. He was disappointed when Arthur didn’t pull him close again but he closed his eyes and tried to think about something else. “Good night, Arthur.”

“Shut up, Merlin.” 

****

The next morning, Merlin woke to find that Arthur was no longer sleeping in the bed with him. Panic surged through him and he wondered if Arthur had already left, angry at what had happened the night before.

_What did happen last night?_ he wondered briefly.

They hadn't done anything other than sleep, nothing inappropriate had occurred. If he were being honest, it had been a rather odd experience and Merlin wasn't sure what to file it under other than just regular platonic sleeping. However, he couldn’t let himself daydream about any other labels for sleeping in his bed next to Arthur at the moment. He threw himself out of bed, tumbling onto the floor as his sheets twisted around his legs and threw him off balance.

“Having fun, are we?” Arthur asked in an amused tone. He was sitting at Merlin’s desk, a stack of papers on his lap.

“Shut up,” Merlin grumbled, a blush spreading across his cheeks. He untangled himself from the sheets and climbed back onto the bed. When he was sitting down, he offered Arthur a half smile. “Sleep well?”

“Yeah.” Arthur shrugged. He had already showered and dressed, his blond hair still damp. 

Merlin noticed the papers on Arthur’s lap and frowned. “What are you…?” He got up to look and bit his lip when he saw what Arthur had gone through. “Please put those away.”

“Why? These are really good,” Arthur replied. He gestured towards the stack of drawings he had already gone through. “I recognized the one of the aliens from last summer.”

“It’s rude to go through people’s things,” Merlin informed him tartly. 

Arthur shrugged. “You were sleeping. I needed something to do.”

“And going through my stuff seemed like the best option?” Merlin raised an eyebrow as he looked to see what else Arthur had gotten into. “You could have just woken me up.”

“I tried,” Arthur said. “You sleep like the dead.” He picked up a sketch he had set aside on Merlin's desk and asked, “Is this us?”

Merlin looked at the drawing he had done of two boys with their arms around each other, grinning. It looked posed, like a photograph, and he blushed. There was no mistaking Arthur’s good looks and well-defined jawline or Merlin’s absurd ears and crinkly-eyed grin. 

“I thought you only liked to draw sci-fi stuff,” Arthur commented. He was still looking at the sketch, a smile tugging at his lips. “Like that one of me with the sword and you looking on.”

“We don’t have any real photos,” Merlin said in a whisper. 

Arthur frowned. “Can I have this?”

“I’ll make you a better one,” Merlin offered. 

Arthur cocked an eyebrow. “Seeing as how I gave you the pencils and things that helped make this, I think I deserve to keep it.”

Merlin snorted. “I almost forget what a prat you can be until you say something like that.” 

“I’m very charming,” Arthur retorted, assuming a haughty expression that he knew made Merlin laugh. 

“When your mouth is shut!” Merlin joked.

Arthur grinned. “So, I can keep it?”

“Yeah.” 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The summer holidays have arrived and Merlin makes plans to visit Arthur in London. Uncle Agravaine makes an appearance and Gwaine makes Arthur jealous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for swearing and homophobic language in this chapter.

“Is everything alright?” Hunith asked Merlin as they drove back from Eton. She had noticed that Merlin seemed almost sad after saying goodbye to Arthur and she hoped they hadn’t had a fight. She liked Arthur, he was very polite and he was good to Merlin. Most of all, she thought, Arthur made Merlin laugh. Merlin had so few friends in Ealdor and while Hunith felt guilty about moving him from Northern Ireland and all of his friends there, she knew the move to England had been in Merlin’s best interest. After everything that had happened with Balinor, it would have made things difficult for Merlin. She had high hopes for him and was so proud of him but she knew the last four years had been hard.

“Yeah,” Merlin replied, startled out of his thoughts.

Hunith glanced over at her son and tried not to sigh. “Did you and Arthur have fun?”

“Yeah.” Merlin looked out the window, not really seeing the landscape as they drove. “What are we doing for the summer holidays?”

“I thought you were working at the shop with me,” Hunith replied, frowning. “I talked to Debbie. She said she would hire you on until September.”

“Arthur said I can visit if I’m in London,” Merlin told her. “Do you…could I go?” He didn’t mind working at the flower shop with his mum. The summer before, he’d been able to secure a place at the prestigious educational camp where he’d met Arthur and the others. However, as this next year was his final year of college before going off to uni, he knew he needed to save money to help pay for his expenses.

“Did he say if you could stay with him?” Hunith asked. She didn’t mind letting Merlin go to London for a few days, he would need a break and it would do him good to spend time with friends.

Merlin bit his lip. “I don’t know,” he said slowly. Arthur hadn’t technically invited him to stay; he’d only told Merlin that they could get together if Merlin was in London.

Hunith nodded. “Well, let’s talk to Gaius, shall we? His friend Geoffrey lives in London. In Bayswater, I think. Perhaps you could stay with him and then take the Tube to visit Arthur.”

When they returned to the house they found Gaius in the kitchen making dinner.

“What kind of vegetable would you like?” he asked, smiling pleasantly at them when they entered.

“Er…” Merlin said, looking at his mum for confirmation that Gaius was indeed cooking. Neither Gaius nor his mother was a particularly wonderful cook but Merlin infinitely preferred his mother’s efforts in the kitchen; at least she didn’t overcook everything. 

“Perhaps a nice salad,” Hunith said tactfully.

“What are you making?” Merlin asked dubiously after peeking into the oven and seeing what looked like three lumps of coal happily burning away on a baking sheet.

“Chicken,” Gaius replied, looking into the oven and muttering an oath. He quickly grabbed a potholder, threw open the oven door, and yanked out the burnt meat.

“If that’s what’s for dinner, I’m now a vegetarian,” Merlin teased, dancing away from the swat his great-uncle playfully aimed at him.

“Let’s do takeaway,” Hunith said with a smile.

****

On the walk to school the next day, Merlin was in a bit of a fog. He was still trying to puzzle out what had happened between himself and Arthur the other night. 

_Nothing happened_ , he told himself, trying not to remember what Arthur’s hand resting against his hip felt like.  _It’s not like he kissed me,_  Merlin thought,  _my bed’s small and he was_   _probably just curious_. That thought made him feel a little depressed but he found that he couldn’t push it away. What if Arthur really had just rested his hand on Merlin’s body because Merlin was  _there_? Arthur was extremely good-looking; girls frequently stole glances at him whenever he and Merlin went out.

_Arthur must have had sex with a girl by now, even if he does attend a poncy boy’s school,_  Merlin thought darkly. Merlin didn’t think about how he had never slept with a girl before, how he wasn’t particularly attracted to girls and had no interest in them as anything other than friends. Not that he _had_ any close female friends.

Merlin entered his school on autopilot, still lost in thought about Arthur and not watching where he was going. He stumbled on the stair leading up to the science block and caught himself on the person walking ahead of him. “S-sorry,” he muttered, trying not to swear when he noticed that it was Daniel whose arm he had grabbed.

Daniel wrenched his arm out of Merlin’s grasp as if it burned. “Don’t touch me.”

“Just can’t help yourself, can you?” drawled a voice from behind.

“Shut up, Ian,” Merlin snapped, hurrying up the stairs in an effort to get away from Ian, Daniel, and whoever else was lurking nearby. The door to his Biology classroom was just a few metres ahead and he could escape from them there.

“Come on, Merlin,” called Ian, jogging up the stairs easily and falling into step with Merlin. “Don’t run away.”

Merlin flushed furiously as Daniel sniggered and he turned to look at the sandy-haired youth who was smirking next to him. “What?”

“Someone’s in a temper,” Ian mocked, his eyes twinkling maliciously.

Merlin rolled his eyes and reached for the Biology doorknob but Ian pressed his hand firmly against the door, keeping it shut. “Stop being stupid,” Merlin groaned. “Go away.”

“’Go away’,” Ian mimicked in a high voice. He dropped his hand from the door and sneered, “Poof” before walking away.

Merlin took a deep breath. He was trying to block out the sound of Daniel and Ian laughing, trying to ignore the stares from the other students, trying not to hear the mutters and whispers that followed him everywhere, and trying not to scream in frustration as he yanked open the door to his Biology class and stormed inside.

For the rest of the day, Merlin did his best to avoid Ian, Daniel, and the other members of their group. It was difficult for him as he had French with Justine, Maths with Daniel and Emily, and Chemistry with Ian. However, the four of them ignored him and Merlin managed to make it out of the school at the end of the day without running into any of Ian’s other friends.

As he was walking out of school, Merlin saw Will break away from his group of Sixth Formers and head towards him.

“You don’t have to walk home with me today,” Merlin grumbled when Will joined him, looking back at Stephanie, a pretty dark-skinned girl Will had been chatting with.

“We’re meeting for coffee later,” Will said with a shrug.

“All of you?” Merlin asked, grinning slightly and raising his eyebrow.

Will chuckled. “None of your business.”

Merlin laughed. “That’s a no, then.” He sighed in what he thought was a wistful way. “I was so hoping you’d invite me along.”

“Shut it, you,” Will ordered but he was grinning and Merlin only chuckled. After a moment, Will said seriously, “I heard you ran into Ian.”

“He’s in Chemistry with me,” Merlin replied, not wanting to have this conversation and holding back a sigh. Will knew all about what had happened between Merlin and Ian and was one of the few people at school who actually believed Merlin’s side of the story. For that, Merlin was grateful but it didn’t mean he actually wanted to discuss Ian any more than was necessary.

“You shouldn’t talk to him,” Will urged, knowing that Merlin was angry at him for bringing this up. “Not after…”

“I  _know_!” Merlin ground out. “It was an accident. I don’t go searching him out.”

“I know that.” Will sighed. “But I also know how much you used to like him.”

“You know, I don’t actually enjoy being called a poofter,” Merlin snapped, his cheeks going pink. Ian’s words were still going around in his head and it made his skin prickle hot from the anger he was fighting to control.

Will looked taken aback. “I didn’t say that.”

“Ian did,” Merlin replied. He sighed heavily and turned down his front walk, motioning for Will to join him.

“He’s such a fucking wanker!” Will said furiously, following Merlin up to his room and tossing his rucksack in the corner.

Merlin flopped onto his bed. “At least it’s nearly summer.” He closed his eyes and let out a sigh. “I’m so tired of this.”

“Hang in there, mate,” Will said gently. “You’ll be at uni in a year and you won’t have to put up with that shite anymore.”

Merlin gave a noncommittal snort.

“It won’t be too bad,” Will continued but the words sounded hollow even to him. Merlin put up with everything amazingly well but it was times like this that he could see what a toll it took.

“Maybe I’ll come live with you in September when you’re at Sussex,” Merlin muttered. He didn’t want to think about his final year at college before he went off to university. “When are you moving again?”

“End of August,” Will replied with a shrug. “Mum and I are going to America later this summer so I’ll start packing sometime after we get back.”

“Where in America?” Merlin asked curiously. He’d never been outside of the UK before but he would have loved to travel. He was very interested in other people’s countries and cultures.

“Boston,” Will replied. “My aunt and uncle moved there six years ago and we’ve never gone.”

Merlin nodded. “Sounds nice.” He grinned when Will just shrugged at him. “It’s better than working at the flower shop.”

Will snickered. “Well, at least you’ll be busy.”

****

Three weeks later, Merlin was home alone and absently watching television reruns when his mobile went off. He sighed and checked who was ringing him, not really in the mood to talk to anyone. When he saw Arthur’s name he smiled. Despite both of them having had hectic exams schedules while school was still in session, Merlin and Arthur had managed to chat, text, and IM quite a lot over the last few weeks. They’d never discussed what had happened that night when Arthur had stayed over but nothing was awkward and Merlin had never seen a reason to bring it up. He just tried not to think much about it.

“Hi, Arthur,” Merlin said, answering the phone. “Bored again?”

“There isn’t much to do,” Arthur replied.

“You’ve only been back a few days,” Merlin informed him. “You must be busy, I thought you were working for your father.”

“That’s not exactly exciting,” Arthur grumbled. “It’s not like I actually get to do anything useful. I just file papers, make copies, and sit in on meetings sometimes. I’m more like unpaid staff.” He paused for a moment and then added dryly, “I guess that means I’m a slave.”

Merlin laughed. “It’ll get better. Maybe you’ll get to travel with him for an important case.”

“Maybe pigs will fly.” Arthur sighed down the line. “Are you going to come to London?”

“I have to talk to Mum and Gaius,” Merlin replied. “It all depends on whether I can stay with Gaius’s friend Geoffrey. I think Gaius wants to go with me and visit, so he needs to ask off from the chemist.”

“Why can’t you stay with me?” Arthur demanded. “There’s plenty of space and Leon’s coming over from Bath next week.”

Merlin was stunned. He hadn’t thought he was invited to stay with Arthur, he thought that Arthur only wanted to get together if Merlin managed to make it to London on his own. Admittedly, it was less than an hour by train to Paddington Station but Merlin didn’t particularly want to take the train there and back in one day. He would much rather stay a few days and explore. He’d only been to London twice before and one of those times had been during the previous summer when he’d been at the educational camp.

“Hello?” Arthur asked. “Merlin, are you there?”

“Oh, sorry,” Merlin said. “I was thinking.”

“Don’t lie to me,” Arthur teased, making Merlin roll his eyes. “Are you going to come visit?”

“Are you sure I can?” Merlin asked nervously. After what he'd manage to piece together about Arthur’s father, Merlin doubted he would be welcome. “Won’t your father mind that I’m not…I mean, are you sure that you can skip working for your father to go around London with me?”

Arthur ignored what Merlin’s original question was going to be and said, “He won’t care. He’s not going to be here anyway.”

“Oh." He wondered vaguely if Uther being out of town was the only reason Arthur was inviting him but he ignored that thought. It didn’t matter, Arthur was his friend and he wanted Merlin to come visit.

“He’s got a new  _girlfriend_ ,” Arthur muttered disgustedly. “They’re going on an exclusive couple’s trip to the Mediterranean for three weeks and leaving Morgana and me behind.”

“Would you want to go with them?” Merlin asked, amused.

“Well, no,” Arthur admitted.

“So, the two of you will be alone?” Merlin asked, excitement growing. If that were the case, he definitely wanted to go to London and stay with Arthur. He thought his mother would probably let him go for a week if he promised to take a few extra shifts at the shop before he left. It would also give him spending money for while he was in London.

“Some of the staff will be here,” Arthur replied. “The housekeeper and such. I think Morgana’s friend Gwen is going to stay and Leon’s coming. Gwaine’s sister lives in town but he’ll probably stay here too.”

“Is there enough space?” Merlin asked. “Should I bring a sleeping bag or something?”

“You can stay in my room,” Arthur replied. “It’ll be fine. There’s plenty of space.”

“Alright,” Merlin said. “When should I come?”

“Whenever you like, really. Leon will be here next Thursday and my father is leaving on Friday,” Arthur answered.

“I’ll talk to Mum,” Merlin told him. “I have to work every day this week. Maybe I could come next weekend after your father leaves?”

“Sure,” Arthur agreed.

****

Hunith agreed to drop Merlin off at the train station in Windsor the following weekend and on Friday night before he left, Merlin began packing what he would need for his eight days in London. Will popped over while Merlin packed and looked on disapprovingly.

“Would you like to help me?” Merlin demanded after Will sighed loudly for the third time.

“Why do you do this to yourself?” Will asked, raising his eyebrows and crossing his arms across his chest.

“Don’t start,” Merlin said, viciously throwing a pair of jeans into his suitcase. “I don’t want to hear it right now.” He was not having the best of days. He’d run into Ian and Daniel when he was leaving the florist’s and the two had not hesitated to make fun of him for working in a flower shop making bouquets all day. It hadn’t helped when Will had come along and told them off by saying that picking on Merlin was a pathetic excuse for a hobby. Ian had simply replied that Will was right, that Merlin  _was_  pathetic, and then sauntered off with Daniel, laughing.

Will sighed again. “I don’t want you to get hurt when he throws you away.”

“Arthur isn’t Ian,” Merlin replied. “He’s my friend.” Merlin was getting tired of feeling this way. Normally he was a very happy person – making jokes, teasing his mum and great-uncle, playing video games or watching DVDs with Will – but recently all Will had done was make Merlin feel depressed. Merlin knew it was because Will was concerned that Merlin would have a hard time the following year and was feeling a sense of betrayal for going off to uni. However, Merlin was getting tired of Will’s constant insistence that Arthur was an arsehole and that Merlin needed to stand up for himself against Ian.

“You thought Ian was your friend,” Will reminded him.

“Well, I know that Arthur is,” Merlin said stubbornly. “Can we talk about something else, please?”

They spent the rest of the evening downstairs watching Gaius’s collection of Monty Python DVDs, laughing, and eating crisps. Just before Will walked out the door to head home, he gathered Merlin into a big hug and squeezed Merlin once before letting him go.

“Have fun in London,” Will said, a half-smile on his face. “I hope for your sake that Arthur really does like you.”

“He’s my friend,” Merlin replied, rolling his eyes. “Most friends like each other. I might make an exception for you, though.”

Will snickered. “That’s not what I mean.”

Merlin sighed. “I know.” He was quiet for a minute and then walked out the door with Will so that his mother, who was tidying up in the kitchen, couldn’t overhear their conversation.

“Alright, Merlin?” Will asked, looking concerned.

“I wish you didn’t know me so well,” Merlin muttered, leaning against the door to his house. “You know, I do try not to think about those things.”

“What things?” Will asked, clearly baffled.

“You know,” Merlin made some kind of indistinct hand gestures that seemed to confuse Will even more, “being anything other than friends with Arthur…or Ian.”

“Ian was a complete prick,” Will snapped. “He had no right…”

“That’s not what I mean.” Merlin shook his head. “Look, do you ever think that maybe I don’t talk about that part of me for a reason?”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Will said gently.

“I’m not ashamed!” Merlin protested. “I just don’t see why I have to talk about it.” He grinned as Will opened his mouth to argue and then Merlin just laughed, making Will look furious. “Will, I’m really not upset about being gay. It’s not that. It’s that I just don’t see what the big deal is. I shouldn’t have to tell people. You don’t have to tell people you like girls so why should I have to tell them I like…” he fumbled a minute, not sure if he should continue but he could see that Will was now looking mildly pleased.

“Okay, Merlin, I’m sorry,” Will replied, grinning. “I just…well, after everything happened with Ian, I thought that you hated yourself and that scared me.”

“That was over a year ago,” Merlin said. “Did you think I was going to jump off a bridge or something?”

Will shrugged. “I don’t know what I thought. I know that Ian’s lot are horrible to you.”

“I hate how they treat me,” Merlin said honestly. “Like I’m some kind of freak or pervert.” He sighed deeply. “It hurts.”

“What about Arthur?” Will asked.

“He doesn’t know,” Merlin said, fidgeting a little. He hadn’t told Arthur for the same reason he’d just given Will, he shouldn’t  _have_ to tell anyone…

Will looked angry again and demanded, “Then how do you know he’s your friend? Merlin, you’re right, in a perfect world you wouldn’t have to tell anyone because no one would give a fuck. Unfortunately, we live in the real world. We live in a world where people are  _killed_  for being gay, where people’s families disown them.”

“My mum would never do that!” Merlin protested.

“Your mum knows,” Will retorted. He snickered at the indignant look on Merlin’s face. “No, I didn’t tell her! I'm not going to out you to anyone, let alone your mum. Besides, do you think she cares? Merlin, mate, she _loves_ you. She just wants you to be happy.”

“I am happy,” Merlin replied. “I don’t really fancy these fights we keep having but I’m perfectly happy the rest of the time.”

Will sighed. “Have fun in London.”

“I will.” Merlin turned to go back inside but Will grabbed his arm, keeping him in place. “Look, I don’t want to fight anymore.”

“Tell him,” Will said firmly. “It’s not worth living a lie with your friends.”

Merlin sighed but he nodded. “Fine.”

****

_I’ll meet your train at Paddington. Don’t leave the station until I find you._  Was the text Merlin woke up to at half past nine. Now it was nearly two and he was stepping off the train, his duffle bag slung over his shoulder as he made his way towards where Arthur was standing, his back to Merlin as he chatted on his mobile.

“We’ll meet you when we drop his stuff at my house,” Arthur was saying into the phone. He laughed. “No, don’t worry.”

“Arthur,” Merlin said, tapping his friend on the shoulder.

Arthur spun around and smiled in greeting at Merlin. “Alright, mate, I have to go. We’ll see you later.” He pocketed his phone and eyed Merlin. “Did you bring any good clothes?”

Merlin looked down at his black t-shirt, faded jeans, and old black trainers. “Er…I brought my normal clothes.”

Arthur rolled his eyes and muttered, more to himself than to Merlin, “You’re too skinny to fit into anything of mine.”

“Are we having tea with the Queen or something?” Merlin asked, trying not to laugh. “Who cares what I’m wearing.” After a moment he said, “I brought a button down.”

“Maybe I can lend you a jacket,” Arthur murmured, leading Merlin quickly towards the Tube. He chuckled when Merlin stumbled at the pace due to the added weight of his bag. “You’re such a girl,” Arthur teased, taking the duffle from Merlin and throwing it over his own shoulder. “Let’s go.”

When they reached Arthur’s home in Knightsbridge, Merlin tried very hard not to gasp. The inside of the house was gorgeous and luxuriously decorated. Everything seemed to be in perfect order and Merlin couldn’t help but think how he shouldn’t be there, how he didn't belong to this world. He had known that Arthur was wealthy but this was overwhelming and it made him feel out of place.

“Come on, then,” Arthur said, leading Merlin through the foyer and towards the stairs. “My room is upstairs, like yours.”

“This is nothing like mine,” Merlin protested as they walked up the stairs.

Arthur snorted. “Let’s drop your things. Leon and the others are waiting for us at the park.” He led Merlin towards a bedroom on the right.

“Who else is there?” Merlin asked. His eyes widened when they entered Arthur’s room. Arthur had a huge queen-sized bed with red blankets, a desk, dresser, and a door off to the side that Merlin guessed led to his own bathroom.

Arthur dumped Merlin’s duffle unceremoniously onto the ground next to his bed. “Morgana, Gwen, Lance and Gwaine. I think Morgana’s _friend_ Cenred might be there for a bit.”

“Friend?” Merlin asked, grinning when Arthur rolled his eyes. “You must really like him.”

“He’s fine,” Arthur said shortly. “Ready?”

Merlin nodded and followed Arthur out of the house. “Why do I need nice clothes?”

“My uncle is taking us to dinner,” Arthur replied, directing Merlin down the street to his right.

“Oh.” Merlin thought of how posh Arthur’s house had been and he knew that they weren’t going for a curry or to the local chip place. “Somewhere posh?”

“Exactly,” Arthur muttered darkly. “He always does this whenever my father is out of town. I think he just wants to take Morgana but he can’t play favourites and leave me out.” He grinned. “She’d kill me if I left her with him.”

“Why?” Merlin asked. They had just entered Hyde Park and Merlin continued to follow Arthur.

“He’s a little strange,” Arthur conceded. “Nothing wrong with him, mind, he’s a great solicitor and my father likes him but he is…odd.” He shrugged. “Anyway, he spends most of his time in Manchester but he’s come down for the weekend to visit a friend or something.”

“And to take you to dinner,” Merlin reminded him.

“No,” Arthur said, grinning a little evilly, “to take us to dinner.”

Merlin was about to protest that he didn’t have to go to dinner, he could surely stay behind, but then he heard someone yell his name and he broke into a huge grin. “Gwaine!”

Gwaine ran forwards and practically tackled Merlin, pulling him into a huge hug. “It’s been ages!”

“Well, you could have come to Ealdor,” Merlin grumbled into Gwaine's shoulder as he hugged Gwaine back. With his back to Arthur, Merlin didn’t notice that Arthur frowned or that his eyebrows knitted together crossly.

Gwaine ignored Arthur but let Merlin go, a grin still on his face. “Nah, mate, I was with my mum in Dublin for most of the year.” He jerked his head towards Arthur. “I saw the princess a few times, though, when I came to visit my granddad.”

“And your sister,” Arthur reminded him, ignoring the princess jibe, though his eyes were now dancing with laughter.

“Old toad,” Gwaine muttered.

“You found us!” Leon said, joining them at a more leisurely pace than Gwaine had. Lance, who had a football tucked under his arm, was with Leon as well as two girls Merlin had never met before. “Alright, Merlin?”

Merlin grinned. “Hi, Leon.”

Lance dropped the football on the grass and threw an arm around Merlin. He pulled Merlin over to the girls. “Since Arthur seems to have forgotten his manners, I’ll introduce you.” He ignored Arthur’s protests about how the girls were perfectly capable of introducing themselves.

“It’s not the Dark Ages,” Arthur argued.

Lance continued to ignore him, though he was grinning broadly. “Merlin, this is Gwen,” he said, smiling at a pretty Black girl with curly dark hair who smiled at both of them.

“I’m Morgana,” said the other girl. She smiled at Merlin and he thought that she was incredibly beautiful with her long black hair, creamy white skin, and green eyes. “Arthur’s told me about you.”

Merlin’s eyes flicked to Arthur and he decided not to offer the same greeting to Morgana. The things Arthur had told him about Morgana had usually been unflattering and at her expense. He doubted she would appreciate it. “It’s nice to meet you.” He smiled at Gwen. “Both of you.”

“Where’s Cenred?” Arthur asked Morgana. He was absently toeing at the football, clearly wanting to play.

“He went home,” Morgana said with a shrug. “I’ll see him later.” At Arthur’s raised eyebrows Morgana snapped, “Oh shut up, Arthur.”

Arthur laughed and nudged the football towards Leon. “Let’s kick it around.”

“Alright,” said Lance, pulling the ball towards him with his foot and taking off in the opposite direction.

“Oi!” called Gwaine but he didn’t run after Lance as Leon and Arthur did. Instead, Gwaine turned to Merlin and the girls. “Shall we take a turn ’round the park?” he asked loftily, mock bowing and making the girls burst out laughing.

“I think we’re going to go to Harrods,” Morgana replied once she'd stopped laughing. “Do you want to come?”

Gwaine shook his head. “Shopping’s not really my thing.”

“See you both at dinner,” Merlin said as the girls turned to go.

“I won’t be there,” Gwen said, smiling slightly. “I’m going to my dad’s. I’ll see you after, though.”

 “She has an excuse.” Morgana sighed. “Arthur’s dragging you along?” At Merlin’s jerky nod, Morgana’s eyes softened. “It won’t be too bad. Leon will be there and he’s really good about Agravaine.” When Merlin still looked apprehensive, she grinned and looked pointedly at Gwaine. “Maybe you can find an excuse of your own.”

Gwaine grinned. “Maybe he will.”

****

“You hate your sister,” Arthur argued when Gwaine informed him that he wanted to introduce her to Merlin that evening.

“Yeah,” Gwaine replied. “That’s why it’ll be great having Merlin there. He’ll be a good reason to leave quickly and meet back up at your place.”

“Why can’t Lance go with you? Merlin’s supposed to come to dinner with us.” Arthur was not happy that Gwaine was taking Merlin from him. Merlin was supposed to be his guest, not Gwaine’s. Besides, Gwaine was staying with him to  _avoid_  his sister!

“I’m going to see ‘Lion King’ with my parents,” Lance replied. “Sorry.”

“Well, why don’t you both come to dinner with us, then?” Arthur asked, crossing his arms. “Then we can all go visit your sister when we’re done.”

“No can do, mate,” Gwaine said with false remorse. “She doesn’t like you, told me not to bring you round anymore.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “What makes you think she’ll like Merlin?” He ignored the glare on Merlin’s face.

“I’m counting on her not liking him,” Gwaine replied happily.

Merlin stared at him. “And what’s wrong with me, exactly?”

“Oh, nothing,” Gwaine said, chuckling when he realized that Merlin was actually offended. “You don’t want her to like you. She’s an evil old toad.”

Merlin laughed and shook his head. “Whatever.”

“How are you going to get her to dislike him?” Lance asked curiously. “Everyone likes Merlin.”

Merlin smiled at Lance. He was such a kind-hearted person and Merlin knew that Lance honestly believed what he’d said about Merlin to be true.

Gwaine, however, looked thoughtful at Lance’s words before saying, “Snog him, probably.”

“Excuse me?” Merlin sputtered. “I don’t think I agreed to that part.”

Arthur looked appalled while Lance and Leon just laughed.

“She hates seeing people kissing in public,” Gwaine said happily. “It’s why she doesn’t like you, Arthur. After she caught you and…”

“Aright!” Arthur said loudly, cutting Gwaine off and scowling furiously at him. He ignored Merlin’s curious look and Leon’s grin. “Enough! Take him to meet your sister.”

Gwaine looked triumphant. “Let’s go, Merlin.” He slung an arm around Merlin’s shoulders and led him away.

“Are we really going to meet your sister?” Merlin asked when they reached the Tube station. “Not that I don’t want to meet her of course.”

“No, you really don’t,” Gwaine said, laughing and going over to check the Tube map. “Don’t be ridiculous. She’s horrible.”

“Then where are we going?” Merlin felt his phone buzz in his pocket and he pulled it out to see he had a text from Arthur.

“We could do the Jack the Ripper tour,” Gwaine suggested. “It’s quite good.”

“I’m not that much of a tourist,” Merlin replied. “Let’s just grab food or something and walk around.”

“Sure,” Gwaine said. “I think a friend of mine might be having a party tonight, maybe we could stop by before going back to Arthur’s.”

Merlin shrugged, not sure he wanted to be out that late. He already felt a little guilty about abandoning Arthur so soon after arriving. Going to dinner with Arthur’s uncle really had seemed like too much, though. Merlin wasn’t sure he could have handled it. Thinking about Arthur, Merlin opened the text message Arthur had sent him a few minutes ago and stared at it dumbly.

_Don’t let him kiss you._

“You coming?” Gwaine asked, noticing that Merlin was no longer behind him.

Merlin looked up from his phone and smiled brightly. “Yeah, sorry, lost in thought.”

****

“Don’t worry, Arthur will get over it,” Gwaine said later that night as they walked back to Arthur’s family’s house. “I think he was just frustrated that he couldn’t have another person there to help distract his uncle.”

“He said his uncle’s a little odd.” Merlin followed Gwaine, trusting him to know where he was going. It was nearly eleven and Arthur had already texted both of them, demanding to know when they were coming back.

“He likes to give Arthur a hard time,” Gwaine said with a serious look at Merlin. “Always going on about how he’s not as good as his father. Loves Morgana, though.”

Merlin winced. “Maybe I should have gone.”

“Nah, I think it’s better that you came with me,” Gwaine assured, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Merlin laughed. “Well, it does mean I didn’t have to wear anything of Arthur’s.”

Gwaine grinned. “Arthur won’t mind that you skipped out on dinner. He knows his uncle can be a wanker. I think he just was hoping that you’d want to go.”

“He had Leon and Morgana,” Merlin protested. “Why would he think I’d want to go to some fancy restaurant with his nasty uncle?” Merlin laughed. “That sounds awful.”

“Well, it’s definitely not as exciting as hearing about you snogging me in front of my sister,” Gwaine replied with a grin. “Should we still tell him that’s what we did?”

“I don’t think he wants to think of you kissing me,” Merlin replied dryly, thinking of the text Arthur had sent him earlier.

“Course he doesn’t,” Gwaine replied, chuckling. “Arthur’s a selfish arse.”

Merlin frowned. “I don’t belong to Arthur.”

“What?” Gwaine asked, looking confused.

“Just because I mainly see him during the school year doesn’t mean I’m his or anything,” Merlin clarified with a smile, though Gwaine looked even more confused at this. “I have people in my life other than Arthur, you know.”

Gwaine frowned. “Merlin, I don’t do that kind of thing.”

It was Merlin’s turn to look confused. “Huh?”

“I won’t tell Arthur,” Gwaine said, looking at Merlin almost sadly. “I think you should, though. He won’t be happy.”

“What?” Merlin demanded. “Does Arthur think he’s the only person in my life that I like to be with?”

“I think he does,” Gwaine snapped back.

Merlin’s stared at Gwaine as if he’d grown a second head. “What about my mum?”

“What about her?” 

“Well, she’s important to me! I thought Arthur liked her too.” Merlin shook his head in frustration.

“I’m sure he does,” Gwaine replied, completely bewildered.

“And Lance and Leon and the rest of the Eton lot that I hang around with when I visit Arthur,” Merlin said. “What about them?”

“What about them?” Gwaine turned down Arthur’s street.

“I like being with them as well,” Merlin replied, looking suddenly exhausted. “I thought that was why Arthur introduced us. They’re his mates. Was I not supposed to like them?” He started wondering if maybe Will had been right, if Arthur only invited him over in order to show off his ‘commoner’ friend. “I like being with you and you’re impossible.”

Gwaine stopped suddenly and stared at Merlin. “When you’re with Arthur, what do you do?”

“I don’t know.” Merlin shrugged. “We watch DVDs, eat chips, and walk around Eton or Ealdor. He tried teaching me how to fence one time but I was rubbish. I think I prefer football and I’m pretty crap at that.”

Gwaine laughed. “Oh, Merlin.” He doubled over, guffawing. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t…” He was still laughing so hard it was difficult for him to talk.

Merlin stared at him. “Are you alright?”

When Gwaine finally got himself under control he just shook his head. “Never mind, forget everything I said.”

“Um…sure,” Merlin replied uncertainly. “You’re not going to yell at me again?” When Gwaine shook his head Merlin added, “I do think I’m allowed to have friends other than Arthur.”

Gwaine started laughing again. “I could snog you now. We don’t have to tell Princess.”

Merlin laughed. “No, I still don’t think Arthur would like it.”

“Suit yourself,” Gwaine replied impishly, wrapping an arm around Merlin’s shoulders and crossing the street to Arthur’s house.  “Maybe I could kiss you in front of him?”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “I’d rather not make him angry.”

Gwaine grinned and rang the doorbell. “Yeah, he can be selfish, even when things don’t belong to him.”

“I just don’t want to shock him,” Merlin replied, chuckling.

Gwaine snorted. “Oh, believe me, that’s the last thing that would shock Arthur.”

Arthur threw the door open to see Merlin staring at Gwaine with confusion and Gwaine looking incredibly pleased with himself, his arm over Merlin’s shoulders. “What have you been doing?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at both of them.

“Not snogging,” Gwaine said, letting Merlin walk inside first.

Merlin rolled his eyes. “We just walked around and had dinner. London’s nice at night.”

Arthur nodded slowly. “How was Gwaine’s sister?”

“We er…” Merlin stopped, looking over to Gwaine.

“I figured,” Arthur said, sighing. “I’m going to sleep.” He looked at Gwaine. “Margaret put an AeroBed in the guest room for you. I think Leon might still be up, you two can fight over the regular bed.”

Merlin glanced at Gwaine who was frowning at Arthur’s back as he walked up the stairs to his bedroom. “I think he’s mad at me.”

Gwaine shook his head. “I don’t think so.” He headed to the left of the stairs towards a room Merlin hadn’t noticed before. “See you in the morning.”

Merlin wasn’t sure he wanted to follow Arthur into his room if he was in a temper but he didn’t know what his other options were. He could see if he could room with Leon and Gwaine but all of his overnight things were up in Arthur’s room.

“Are you alright, dear?” asked a middle-aged woman Merlin assumed must be Margaret, the Pendragon’s housekeeper.

“Oh, yes,” Merlin replied. “Thank you.” He smiled at her before deciding to go up to Arthur’s room and get his things. He would offer to stay in Gwaine and Leon’s room; the last thing he wanted was to have a fight with Arthur.

Merlin was feeling guilty when he opened the door to Arthur’s room. He shouldn’t have been such a coward and let Gwaine drag him off, he told himself. He’d come to visit Arthur, which meant spending time with Arthur even if they weren't doing something Merlin wanted to do.

“Merlin!” Arthur yelped, grabbing a pillow off of his bed and thrusting it in front of him. Merlin didn’t seem to have noticed that he had just barged into Arthur’s room while Arthur was in the middle of changing into his pyjama bottoms. “Can’t you knock?”

“Sorry,” Merlin said, startled out of his thoughts. He smirked at Arthur. “You don’t have anything I haven’t seen before.”

“That’s not the point,” Arthur sniped. “Turn around.”

Merlin laughed but did as he was told. “Maybe you should have locked the door.”

“Or you should have knocked,” Arthur argued. After a minute, he said, “You can turn back around.”

Merlin shook his head at Arthur, who was now clothed in pyjama bottoms, and retrieved his duffle bag. “I can share with Gwaine and Leon, if you like.”

Arthur looked hurt but he covered it swiftly and nodded. “I can get Margaret to move the AeroBed up here. You can switch with Leon.”

“Are there any other of those beds?” Merlin asked, looking around and not noticing one for himself in Arthur’s room.

“Yeah, we have another one, I think,” Arthur said slowly.

“Well, we could put it in there and then she wouldn’t have to bring it up the stairs. All three of us can fight over the comfortable bed.” He grinned at Arthur who just blinked at him.

“Leon would win,” Arthur commented after a moment.

Merlin shrugged. “I don’t mind using an AeroBed.” He wondered if Arthur was still angry with him for not going to dinner but all Arthur seemed to be was tired. “Are you alright, Arthur?”

“Yeah,” Arthur replied. “Do you want me to ask Margaret for that AeroBed? I can also just ask Leon to switch.”

Merlin thought back to the odd conversation he and Gwaine had had before they reached the house. “No, I think I’d rather have my own bed if I’m sharing a room with Gwaine.”

“What?” Arthur asked, looking surprised. “Is he not your type?”

Merlin felt like he’d been punched in the stomach and gaped at Arthur.

Arthur didn’t appear to notice Merlin’s silence and continued talking. “I thought that’s what took you so long.”

Merlin started laughing. “You twat.”

“Don’t call me a twat,” Arthur snapped, seeming to come out of whatever mood had taken him before. “You’re the one who lied to me about going to see Gwaine’s sister after I invited you to come stay at my family’s house for the week!”

Merlin looked ashamed. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Arthur replied, amusement creeping into his voice. “I don’t blame you. Leon reminded me that he didn’t particularly want to have dinner with Agravaine and that Morgana wasn’t going to make Gwen come even though Gwen is staying here too.” He shrugged. “I guess he thought it was unfair for me to make you go when you really didn’t have to.”

“Why is Gwen staying here when her dad lives in town?” Merlin asked, brushing off what he knew was the best apology he would get out of Arthur.

“She’s been at her father’s but the flat is tiny and her brother just came back from wherever he’s been for the last three years.” He sighed and looked at Merlin a little sadly. “He couldn’t handle it when their mother died and just ran off. I think that they were so happy Elyan’s back that they let him take the other bedroom. Gwen’s been on the couch for the last few days. When my father and Catrina left on their  _couple’s_  holiday, Morgana asked Gwen to stay until they come back next month.” He smiled bitterly. “My father doesn’t like for us to have friends over. I think he feels like guests take advantage of him. Anyway, that’s why we have all of you here now. Margaret likes when the house is full and she’s not going to tell him unless we set fire to the beds.”

Merlin snorted. “I’m not planning on doing that.”

“I should hope not,” Arthur replied. “I rather like this bed.”

“Are you angry with me?” Merlin asked, shifting his duffle bag to his other shoulder. It was getting heavy and if Arthur really wasn’t upset then Merlin wanted to set it down and get ready for bed.

“No,” Arthur replied. “Like I said, I understand. I was just hoping to have company.”

“Leon was with you,” Merlin pointed out.

Arthur chuckled. “I guess you’re right. You probably would have knocked over the wine or said something that make my uncle mad.”

Merlin glared at him. “I’m not that bad.”

“Keep lying to yourself,” Arthur said, pulling his blankets back and climbing into bed. “Turn the lights off when you’re finished, I’m going to sleep.”


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning, Arthur woke to find Merlin sleeping with his back facing him, an arm-length of space between them, and not a single blanket covering Merlin. Arthur snorted and threw the blankets off of himself and onto Merlin, who didn’t so much as twitch as the blankets haphazardly fell on top of him, covering his face. Shaking his head at how he’d managed to steal all of the blankets, and briefly wondering if Merlin had been cold despite it having been a warm night, Arthur got out of bed. He quickly gathered a change of clothes and ducked into his bathroom for a shower.

When he came back into his room, Arthur tossed his pyjama bottoms over the side of his bed and looked down at Merlin. Merlin was still in a dead sleep and Arthur didn’t bother trying to wake him. It was only a quarter past eight and there was no point in making Merlin get up just to keep Arthur company over breakfast. There were enough people staying in the house that Arthur was pretty much guaranteed a friend would be up to eat with him. He gazed at Merlin a little longer, thinking about how he hadn’t noticed when Merlin climbed into bed with him the night before even though he was typically a light sleeper. It was clear, Arthur thought, by the fact that Merlin was curled up all the way on the other side of the bed that Merlin hadn’t tried to touch him during the night. Arthur chided himself for letting that thought make his stomach twist uncomfortably and left the room.

“Sleep well?” Gwaine asked slyly when Arthur joined him at the table where he was drinking tea and eating what looked like pure sugar and milk.

Margaret had set out cereal and other cold breakfast things and Arthur poured himself a glass of orange juice. He ignored Gwaine’s question and said, “That looks gross. Can’t you just eat cornflakes like a normal person?”

“Touchy,” Gwaine observed, snickering as he continued to eat his cereal. “I guess you only got to sleep.”

“Shut up!” Arthur snapped, feeling unreasonably annoyed with where this conversation was going.

“You shouldn’t be so grouchy after getting a full night’s rest,” Gwaine informed him, his eyes dancing. He chuckled at the look on Arthur’s face. “Good thing you got that hot shower, I’d hate to have run into you when you'd just woke up. Though, I could have helped. I needed a shower too.”

“You’re disgusting,” Arthur said, though he gave a short snort of laughter.

“I wasn’t thinking of Merlin, though,” Gwaine added, throwing his head back and laughing when Arthur choked on his orange juice.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Arthur managed to gasp out between coughs.

“Jealous?” Gwaine asked playfully.

“Of what?” asked a female voice before Arthur could answer.

They turned to see Gwen and Morgana had entered the room from the door behind them.

“My way with the ladies,” Gwaine said, leering at Morgana who just rolled her eyes.

“You wish,” she said smugly, sitting down across from Arthur and pouring herself a bowl of cornflakes.

Arthur snickered. “What are you doing today? Going out with Cenred?”

“You’re crushing my dreams here, mate,” Gwaine said mournfully. He couldn’t hold the expression, however, and started laughing when Morgana flapped her hand at him in an amused gesture.

“I think we’re going to Camden,” Gwen said in response to Arthur’s question.

“Need new clubbing clothes?” Arthur asked, arching an eyebrow at Morgana.

“No, erm, I don’t…think I would…I mean, I just want to get something for Elyan,” Gwen said, blushing when Arthur smiled at her sympathetically.

Leon offered a hello from the doorway and sat on the other side of Morgana. “Morning,” he mumbled, reaching for a bowl.

The doorbell rang, making Arthur and Morgana look at each other with wide eyes.

“I thought Agravaine was leaving today,” Arthur muttered, getting up to see who Margaret had just let into the house. Sure enough, Agravaine was standing in the foyer, offering Margaret his jacket.

“Arthur,” Agravaine greeted, inclining his head. “Have I missed breakfast?”

“We’re just having cereal,” Arthur informed him, wanting to know why his uncle had showed up unannounced.

“No chance of eggs, is there?” he asked and Arthur knew he was just trying to be difficult.

“Not a problem, Sir,” said Margaret. “I’ll get that started for you.”

“It’s fine,” Agravaine told her with a dismissive wave. “I’ve already eaten.” He looked at Arthur again. “I spoke with your father. He wants me to look over some of his files before I leave.”

“Oh.” Arthur’s eyes flicked to the stairs where Merlin was walking down, still in his pyjamas – a horrible oversized grey shirt and tattered shorts – hair sleep mussed. _Does he really have no sense of propriety?_ Arthur wondered in amazement.

Agravaine was apparently wondering something similar and asked Arthur, with a bit of a smirk on his lips, “Friend of yours?”

Arthur bit back a rude retort about how this was his family’s house so of course anyone staying in it was a friend or some kind of guest. Instead he simply nodded.

“Hmm,” Agravaine said. “Does your father know you have friends staying here? He might not like seeing…”

“Yes,” Arthur interrupted, trying to keep his voice calm. He hated when his uncle treated him like a naughty child. “Morgana and I  _both_  have friends over.”

“Of course.” Agravaine nodded and let the subject of houseguests drop. “Will you show me where your father keeps his files?”

****

Arthur re-joined his friends after Agravaine left, nearly an hour later. “He’s almost as bad a Father,” he muttered to Morgana who just shook her head in understanding.

“At least he’s leaving,” Leon pointed out with a shrug. They had moved into the second living room, the one reserved specifically for Arthur and Morgana, and were spread out on the different couches with the television on in the background.

Arthur grunted and flopped down grumpily next to Gwaine. “Not anymore.”

“What?” Morgana asked horrified, her intense gaze resting on Arthur. “You don’t mean that he’s going to stay with us?”

Arthur shook his head. “No, he’s going to stay with Mr Aredian.” He sighed. “I have to go to the office with him tomorrow. Father rang him and asked if he would mentor me while he’s away.”

“At least your father's not too caught up with that troll,” Morgana muttered. “If he’s thinking about work.”

Arthur glared at her. “It’s all fine for you, he doesn’t think you need to need to work for his stupid…” He stopped talking to see that everyone except Morgana, who looked at him with patient understanding once again, was staring at him. “What?” he asked defensively. “I don’t fancy giving up my holiday to file papers, run errands, and make tea. I’m not a secretary. It’s a waste of my time.”

“You’re such a pompous git,” Merlin said, though he looked amused. Leon and Gwaine laughed at Merlin’s comment, used to how he treated Arthur, but Gwen frowned and Morgana looked thoughtful. Merlin didn’t seem to notice because he continued with, “Get over yourself.”

“Shut up, Merlin,” Arthur said without heat. He sighed again and looked over at Leon. “What’s Lance doing?”

“He’s asked if we want to meet him and his brother and some mates at the park in half an hour. They’ve got pick-up every Sunday and could use some extra players.” Leon looked at Morgana and Gwen. “You too. It’s a mixed team.”

Morgana smiled at him, looking genuinely pleased at the invitation. “Thanks, but we’re going to Camden.” She nodded to Gwen. “We should probably go soon.”

“Can I go with you?” Merlin asked Morgana and Gwen hopefully. “I’d really like to look around. I’ve never been.”

“Of course!” Gwen replied as Morgana nodded. “You can help us choose something for my brother.”

“Alright,” Merlin agreed happily. “I’ll go change.” He got to his feet and smiled at the girls before dashing upstairs.

Arthur tried not to watch Merlin leave the room. He’d hoped Merlin would come with them to football but he knew that there would have been nothing for Merlin to do other than watch. Merlin was probably one of the most ungainly players Arthur had ever seen. Of course, Arthur didn’t mind playing with Merlin (despite the constant teasing and claims that Merlin shouldn’t come near the pitch unless it was to bring them water). However, he had a feeling Merlin wouldn’t want to play – he’d argue that he would lose them the match – and the others knew how terrible Merlin was so they would probably suggest he act as their cheering section instead.

Gwaine nudged Arthur’s shoulder and whispered so that only Arthur could hear, “Maybe tonight you can try and not get any sleep. Then you’ll need the shower for other reasons.”

Arthur nearly choked.

****

Merlin, Gwen, and Morgana had been at Camden Market for nearly two hours when Morgana suggested they get something to eat. There were plenty of vendors and after they each chose their own small takeaway meal, they went in search of a low wall where they could sit and people watch.

Merlin found that he really enjoyed Gwen and Morgana’s company. Gwen was incredibly sweet and made Merlin feel welcome while Morgana, who seemed at first to be standoffish, was actually quite nice and had a wicked sense of humour. She seemed to have made it her unofficial job to tell Merlin all of Arthur’s most embarrassing life moments (including the time where Arthur, on career day, had told his primary three teacher that he wanted to be a stripper. She had accidentally-on purpose misheard and written down shrimper, resulting in a less embarrassing, but still extremely unpleasant, conversation with Uther about his son’s life goals).

Merlin spent the time walking around Camden helping Gwen look for a gift for Elyan and laughing with both girls. He tried not to think about how, when he went back to Ealdor, he would miss this feeling of having friends who simply liked him for who he was.

Gwen and Morgana seemed happy to accept Merlin for himself, not just because he was Arthur’s friend. They hadn’t made fun of him for stopping in almost every artist’s stall or for chatting with strangers about their tattoos.

“Do you want one?” Morgana asked him when he finished chatting with a purple-haired vendor with two full tattoo sleeves. 

“No,” Merlin replied with a shrug. “I just like looking at art. Tattoos are art people choose for their bodies.” He smiled at her. “It’s cool, isn’t it? To think things mean so much to someone that they want them forever. They put them on their bodies and then they’ll never have to leave them! Unless they lose their arm or something in an accident.” He scrunched his face up. “That would be horrible. Not just because of losing the tattoo, either. Though they are expensive.”

“Uh huh,” Morgana said, trying not to laugh. “What happens when you break up with someone and have Jennifer stuck on your arm with a heart around it forever?”

“Well, then you deserve it for getting such a naff tattoo,” Merlin replied, making both girls chuckle. 

“Do you do art?” Gwen asked before taking a bite of the noodles she’d bought, nearly losing all of them due to her clearly poor chopsticks skills.

“Yeah,” Merlin said, handing her his fork when she dropped her next mouthful on the ground. He’d chosen chips and could eat them with his fingers.

“Thanks.” She looked at him gratefully and started to eat her food with vigor.

“Are you good?” Morgana asked curiously. She had also chosen noodles but appeared to be much more well versed in the art of using chopsticks and was nearly finished. “Is that what you’re going to do at uni?”

“I’m alright,” Merlin replied with a shrug. “I’m going to do medicine at uni, though. I don’t really fancy the whole starving artist thing.” He didn’t add that having been poor his whole life, he liked the idea of having enough to take care of his mum when she got older.

Gwen nodded in understanding. “Yeah, my dad works with metal, making jewellery and other things. It’s always a little tight when he’s not selling anything.” She went pink when Merlin whipped his head around to look at her.

“Her dad makes beautiful things,” Morgana said defensively, daring Merlin to comment on the fact that Gwen obviously did not come from a wealthy family.

Merlin looked away from Morgana’s intense glare and mumbled to Gwen, “My mum’s a florist.”

Gwen beamed at him and Morgana relaxed, looking pleased for some reason Merlin didn't understand.

“What are you going to do at uni?” Merlin asked, feeling relaxed again and polishing off his chips.

“English for me,” Gwen said. “I don’t start until next year, though. I’m in the same year as you and Arthur.”

“Psychology.” Morgana grinned. “Uther’s furious.” At Merlin’s confused expression she added, “I turned down Oxford and chose UCL. I liked their programme more.”

“You’re not going into law like Arthur?” Merlin asked in surprise. He busied himself by getting up to throw his and Morgana’s empty takeaway packaging in the bin.

Morgana scoffed. “No. I know Arthur has this idiotic desire to be like his father but I don’t. I’m going to help people. Besides, it doesn’t matter if Uther likes what I’m doing; he’s not going to kick me out. My father made sure I had enough, anyway. Just in case.” She smiled at the baffled look on Merlin’s face. “You haven’t met Uther.”

“He’s not too bad,” Gwen admonished. “He’s never been…well, he’s never…” She looked at Merlin and smiled sheepishly. “He’s never actually talked to me before.”

Merlin grinned. “It’s alright. Arthur’s told me a little about him.”

Morgana rolled her eyes. “Arthur could do better for himself if he stopped listening to his father. Uther has no idea how hard Arthur tries to impress him and it just makes things worse for Arthur.” She sighed. “It can be hell to be around Arthur when he’s in a strop. Uther’s stuck on this stupid idea that Arthur take his place at the firm.”

“Doesn’t he want to be a barrister?” Merlin asked, brows knitting together. He and Arthur never really talked about these things.

“He says he does,” Morgana replied with a shrug, undoubtedly knowing more but not offering the information. “Where are you wanting to go for uni? Oxford like Arthur?”

Merlin shook his head. “I haven’t done my applications yet. My friend Will is going to Sussex. I’m thinking about there, it’d be nice to have a friend at uni.” He half-smiled. “My mum thinks I should go to Imperial or Durham. Maybe UCL.” He sighed and then admitted quietly, “They’ll never take me but…I’d really like to go to Cambridge.”

“Then apply,” Morgana said, smiling. “That’s where Gwen’s going.”

Gwen laughed. “Not if they don’t take me!” She smiled at Merlin. “I haven’t done my applications either. They’re not due for a while.” She suddenly looked excited. “But if we do get enough to be accepted, we should try and take a class together the first term! Maybe we could stay in the same residence or get a flat later.”

“That’d be brilliant,” he said honestly. He didn’t care if this was just a farfetched dream. He still had one year left until he left for uni, one year left to deal with Ian and his lot, one year without Will around to be the only bright part for Merlin at school, and one year before Arthur went off to uni and forgot about Merlin…

Merlin decided dreaming about something that would make him happy couldn’t hurt. He just wouldn’t get his hopes too high.

Gwen gave Merlin another smile and then excused herself to go see if she could use the toilets in a local shop. Morgana scooted over and linked her arm through Merlin’s.

“She likes you,” Morgana said quietly, watching Gwen dash into a coffee shop.

“She’s sweet,” Merlin replied. He was looking at a nearby stall that was selling band posters, shirts and music, thinking that he’d like to go inside when Gwen got back.

Morgana laughed. “Don’t worry, she knows you’re not interested.” At Merlin’s startled expression Morgana asked, “You’re not, right?”

“Well, no,” Merlin admitted, a blush colouring his cheeks.

“She doesn’t seem like your type,” Morgana said conversationally.

Merlin sighed and wondered when people were going to stop going on about his ‘type’.

“Arthur thought Gwaine was my type,” Merlin replied, not thinking about what his words implied or why he'd said them. He was already extremely comfortable with Morgana and Gwen. They had been almost too open with him about some of their own personal lives (mostly Morgana’s personal and dating life) that his words came out easily. When Morgana stared at him, however, Merlin flinched. 

“He isn’t?” Morgana asked, perplexed. “I thought Gwaine was everyone’s type. He’s definitely not bad to look at! Don’t you think he’s attractive?”

“Who’s attractive?” Gwen asked, coming back towards them and balancing three cardboard takeaway cups. “I don’t know how you take your tea, Merlin, so I got you hot chocolate.” She set the cups down on the wall where they were sitting. “They wouldn’t let me use the loo without buying something.”

“It’s a little hot out, isn’t it?” Morgana asked taking the cup Gwen handed to her regardless.

“Don’t waste it,” Gwen said, smiling. She sipped from her cup and handed the third one to Merlin. “Who are we talking about?”

“Gwaine,” Morgana answered, getting up from the wall and keeping her arm linked with Merlin’s as they headed towards the stall he’d been looking at.

“Oh yes,” Gwen said quickly. “He’s delicious. He’s got that cute accent as well.”

“So does Merlin,” Morgana replied, laughing when Merlin began to protest that his accent wasn’t cute.

Gwen grinned, her pretty brown eyes dancing. “Yes, you’re cute too, Merlin.”

“I don’t think my accent’s that bad,” Merlin said mulishly, diving into the old records when Morgana let go of his arm and went to look at the leather and silver jewellery.

“I never said it was bad,” Gwen said softly. She paused and then asked, “Do people tease you for it? I’m sorry. I won’t say anything again.”

Merlin felt bad for hurting Gwen’s feelings. “No, it’s okay. I just…I worked hard to hide it. I didn’t know it was so obvious.”

“Don’t hide it,” Gwen advised. “It’s sweet. There’s nothing wrong with being Irish.”

“I didn’t say there was,” Merlin said, frowning. At Gwen’s stricken expression Merlin laughed. “It’s fine! No, really, you didn’t upset me.”

“Merlin, I’m so sorry,” Gwen said in a rush, looking mortified. “I didn’t…I’m really good at sticking my foot in it.”

Merlin smiled, his blue eyes bright, and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “Come on, we still haven’t gotten anything for your brother.”

“Come here!” Morgana called, grinning when they joined her. She pointed to prominently displayed green, cannabis-flavoured lollipops. “Should we get your brother one?”

“He’d probably have a fit,” Gwen replied, chuckling.

“I wonder if they’ll get you high.” Merlin picked one up and turned it over in his hand curiously.

“Probably not.” Morgana shrugged though she picked one up as well. “Shall we each get one?”

****

After a few hours, Morgana left Gwen and Merlin to meet up with Cenred, promising to meet them at the house for dinner. Merlin and Gwen waved goodbye to her at the Tube station. They decided to head over to Oxford Street and walk around like tourists, having found nothing in Camden that Gwen thought Elyan would like. Merlin, however, had bought himself the lollipop, a used CD and a black leather cuff stamped with a Celtic knot design that he now wore on his wrist.

“What would you like to do?” Gwen asked, looking around. “Want an ice cream? It’s hot.”

“Sure.” Merlin shrugged. “Things are going to be closing up soon, though. It’s Sunday.”

“Oh, right,” Gwen replied, biting her lip. “Maybe we could just look through the shops and then have one later if there's time? I really do want to find something for Elyan.”

Merlin nodded and the two of them dove into the crowd.

“This is ridiculous,” he said when they could hardly enter a shop selling used books. “It’s nearly six and there are still loads of people.”

“I know.” She smiled apologetically at Merlin. “What do you say we just forget this and head back? Margaret will let us in.”

“I’ll text Arthur,” Merlin replied, grateful to get out of the swarm of people. “We should probably meet up with them. They’ve got to be done playing football by now.” At Gwen’s nod, he pulled out his mobile and sent a quick text to Arthur.

“You two really are an odd couple,” Gwen informed him, a smile tugging at her lips.

“What do you mean?” Merlin asked, cocking his head to the side in confusion.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Gwen cried, looking cross with herself. “I did it again, didn’t I? Mucking things up. I didn’t mean that. I just meant you’re both quite different from each other is all.”

Merlin smiled. “We get on pretty well.” His mobile buzzed and he looked down to read,  _About time you remembered me. We’re at the house._

Merlin snorted and texted back,  _Try and get your head out of your arse before we get there._

Gwen read the texts over his shoulder. “I can’t believe he lets you get away with that.”

“What do you mean?” Merlin asked, grinning innocently.

“Insulting him.” Gwen directed him to the closest Tube station. “He’s a little stuck up.”

Merlin laughed. “He’s bloody posh as anything!”

Gwen shook her head. “I bet you’ve told him that too.”

“Of course,” Merlin said, grinning as they boarded the train. “It’s good for him to remember us lowly common people sometimes.”

“I used to have a bit of a crush on him,” she admitted, sneaking a look at Merlin. 

“Not anymore?” he asked. When Gwen shook her head Merlin said, “You would have been good for him.”

“I wasn’t quite what he wanted.” Gwen half-smiled. They exited the train and walked towards the stairs.

“I think you’re lovely,” Merlin said honestly. He couldn’t imagine why Arthur wouldn’t want to be with Gwen but he supposed she was probably better off without him. He would have driven her mad.

“Oh, Merlin, don’t get my hopes up now. I know you’re not interested,” Gwen teased, gently elbowing him in the side as they left the Tube station and walked back towards the Pendragon home.

Merlin smiled at her and linked his arm through hers the same way Morgana had done with him earlier, hoping she wouldn’t pull away. “I can still think you’re lovely.”

****

When they returned to the house it was just before seven and the only person who seemed to be there was Arthur.

“Gwaine’s in the shower and Lance went home about ten minutes ago,” he said when they asked where everyone had gone. “Leon’s dad asked him to take a train back to Bath because his grandmother is coming soon. It’s going to be really boring now that I’m working at the firm again. I thought I’d get a break without my father here.” He sighed. “You might want to leave too, Merlin.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “I have better things to do than worry over whether or not you have time for me. I think there’s more to do in London than bask in your presence.”

Arthur laughed. “I doubt that but fair enough.” He looked at Gwen. “Where’s Morgana?”

“She met up with Cenred around four. She said she’d be back for dinner.”

“Did she say what time she wanted to eat? I told the rest of the staff to go home since it’s just us. We’re on our own for food.” Arthur checked his watch. “I know it’s not late but I’m hungry and I can’t cook.”

“Shall I ring her?” Gwen pulled her mobile out of her purse and chuckled after a few moments, reading a text. “Or maybe not. She says she’s going out to eat with Cenred.”

“She probably won’t be back until late.” Arthur rolled his eyes. “Well, what do you two want to eat, then? Gwaine won’t care what we choose.”

“Italian?” Gwen suggested. “I can always go for pizza.”

“Spaghetti,” Merlin said.

“Takeaway?” Arthur asked, looking at the two of them for confirmation and going to rummage around in a desk drawer that appeared to be full of takeaway menus. When Merlin flipped through them, noting that none of them seemed to be duplicates, Arthur said quietly, “My father’s gone a lot.”

Merlin didn’t know what to say to that or to the half-hearted look on Arthur’s face so he just nodded dumbly and took the Italian menu.

“Their portions are huge so I’ll split whatever pizza you choose,” Arthur said to Gwen, walking into the living room. “We can watch a DVD. Your pick, Gwen.”

“I want pizza too!” Gwaine yelled from the top of the stairs, a towel slung around his hips as he gazed down at the three of them.

“Put some clothes on, you slag,” Arthur called cheerfully. “We’ll have plenty.”

They had just started  _V for Vendetta_  when the doorbell rang and Arthur jumped up. He quickly returned with a gigantic pizza box and a huge carton of spaghetti.

“Is this all for one person?” Merlin asked, aghast as he looked down at the huge portion of spaghetti he had ordered.

“I’ll help you,” Gwaine said, pulling the carton towards him with a hungry expression.

Arthur laughed. “I expect you to eat it, _Mer_ lin. All of it.” He knocked Gwaine’s arm out of the way of grabbing the spaghetti and looked daringly at Merlin. “You ordered it.”

Gwen giggled. “It’s not like you couldn’t use the fattening up.”

“So, you’re trying to make me fat and Arthur wants to make me sick. I don’t think that sends a good message.” Merlin raised his eyebrows at the two of them.

Gwen shoved him gently. “Silly boy.”

Arthur was less gentle; he smacked Merlin on the back of the head. “I paid for it with my pocket money, so you’re going to eat it.”

“Ah, the words of love!” Gwaine exclaimed making the others order him to shut up and eat his pizza.

“And kids are starving in Africa so I should just suck it up?” Merlin said to Arthur, deciding to eat the spaghetti out of the carton with one of the plastic forks that had come with it rather than getting a plate. Gwaine had already started helping himself in this manner and Merlin couldn’t be arsed to get up.

“Exactly.” Arthur grinned. “It would spoil before it got there, so we can’t send whatever you don’t finish. Don’t want to make  _them_  sick.”

“You care more about starving African children than me?” Merlin asked around a mouthful of spaghetti, pretending to be offended.

“Obviously,” Arthur said, smirking. “Now shut up, Merlin, it’s rude to talk with your mouth full.”

****

Gwen went home around nine when the film was over and Morgana still hadn’t come back. Arthur told her that she was welcome to stay even if Morgana was out ruining her reputation with Cenred but Gwen had shaken her head and said she should go back and visit with her brother. Before she left, she gave Merlin her number and told him to ring her when Arthur left in the morning. “We’ll have fun,” she had said, giving Gwaine, Merlin and Arthur each a kiss on the cheek before going home.

The three boys were sitting in the living room when Gwaine’s mobile rang. “Hey, mate,” he answered, walking into the back of the house to talk.

“Are you tired?” Arthur asked, flopping back onto one of the living room couches.

“It’s only a quarter to ten,” Merlin replied, raising an eyebrow. “We’re not pensioners.”

“I should go to sleep soon,” Arthur said sheepishly.

Merlin laughed. “What time do you have to be there tomorrow?”

“Well before you’re up!” Arthur grinned as Merlin rolled his eyes. “You’d sleep the day away if you could.”

Merlin ignored him and stretched out on the couch. “When do you get back?”

“Around six or seven,” Arthur replied. “You really can go if you want. I’m sure you have better things to do back at home.”

“Not really,” Merlin said with a shrug. “I’ve just been working in the flower shop. Will left on Wednesday to visit his aunt and uncle in America.”

“Well, if you went back you wouldn’t have to be alone. I really won’t be around at all during the day,” Arthur said, trying hard not to let on how desperately he wanted Merlin to stay. 

“You’re not the only person here in London,” Merlin pointed out. “Gwen said she wants to do something tomorrow and I’m sure Gwaine will try and cause trouble. Besides, I don’t mind being alone. My house is so small that it seems crowded when Mum, Gaius and I are all home.”

Arthur nodded uncertainly. “So long as you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.” Merlin yawned.

Gwaine came back into the room. “That was Lance. His brother’s asked if we wanted to go to a party.” He looked between them. “So? There will be plenty of free alcohol.”

“I’m not eighteen yet,” Merlin said automatically, startling a laugh out of both Arthur and Gwaine. “What?”

“You’re so  _pure_ ,” Gwaine said, rolling the word around in his mouth as if it were really a very dirty word.

“I am not!” Merlin snapped.

“Care to tell me just how _bad_ you are?” Gwaine purred, leering suggestively and making Merlin blush.

“Shove off, Gwaine, you’re embarrassing him,” Arthur said, laughing. He looked at Merlin’s blush and raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“What?” Merlin asked, looking between his friends and feeling as though he were missing out on something important.

“That explains a lot,” Gwaine muttered to Arthur. He clapped his friend on the shoulder and sat down next to him. “Good luck with that!”

“Shut up,” Arthur grumbled absently, frowning at Merlin. “Do you want to go to the party?”

Merlin was frustrated at not being let in on whatever Gwaine and Arthur were talking about but he shrugged. “Are you going?”

Arthur nodded to Gwaine. “I probably shouldn’t. I’ll feel like hell.”

“Grow up, Princess!” Gwaine ruffled Arthur’s hair. “I’ll make sure you have fun.”

“Get off.” Arthur laughed, smacking Gwaine in the stomach. “Don’t start, you haven’t been drinking, yet.” He looked at Merlin. “Do you want to go?”

“Sure,” Merlin replied. He was a little nervous but he felt as though he had something to prove. Gwaine and Arthur seemed to be mocking him about something and he didn’t like it.

Arthur nodded. “Aright then, I’ll go for a little.” He got to his feet. “Why is he having a party on a Sunday?”

Gwaine shrugged. “Uni’s out. I don’t think it matters what day it is.”

“When are you starting uni?” Merlin asked suddenly, he’d forgotten that Gwaine was older than Arthur and himself.

“End of next month.” He looked Merlin up and down. “You should change. I’ll give you something of mine since that one’s too big to have anything that’ll look good,” he said, jerking his thumb towards Arthur.

Merlin almost refused but Arthur’s outraged expression and protests about how he was  _not_  fat were enough to make Merlin laugh and agree to change. 

“Did I call you fat?” Gwaine shouted from the guest bedroom. “I said big, not fat. It’s amazing anything gets into that thick head of yours!”

Merlin snickered and ducked out of the way of Arthur’s well aimed smack. He dashed into the guest room and took the black button-down shirt Gwaine held out to him.

“That’ll look better,” Gwaine said, eyeing him critically. “I’m still bigger than you but you’re taller.” He shrugged. “Well, put it on.”

Unlike Arthur, Merlin had no qualms about changing in front of someone and he pulled his green t-shirt over his head in exchange for the black shirt. “I look even more like a pasty Irish boy,” he said once he was dressed and looking in the mirror.

Gwaine laughed. “We Irish boys have to stick together. You look fine, just don’t tuck it in. You’re too thin.”

Merlin followed Gwaine out of the room to find Arthur waiting by the door, still wearing his red polo shirt and jeans.

“Ready? I texted Morgana but I doubt she’ll come.” He opened the door and followed Gwaine and Merlin out, locking it behind him. “Lead the way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been about 10 years since I was last in London and at Camden Market so please forgive me for any glaringly obvious errors. I added in the cannabis lollipops because these were something my friend and I bought to bring back and share with her uni friends. If you were wondering - no, they didn't get anyone high.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for underage drinking and intoxication.

“Why didn’t Arthur have to change?” Merlin demanded as they walked up to the house Gwaine said the party was in.

“Because he always looks good and your old shirt was stained,” Gwaine answered distractedly, peeking in the window to make sure they were at the right address.

“I don’t want to stay too late,” Arthur warned, trying not to think about the amount of trouble he would be in if his father ever found out that he had gone to a party the night before he was supposed to report to work.

“Don’t worry, I probably won’t be going home with you.” Gwaine gave him a cheeky grin that made Arthur roll his eyes.

“You’ll have to leave with me,” Arthur said to Merlin.

“What if I don’t want to?” Merlin asked slyly, glancing at Arthur out of the corner of his eyes.

“I didn’t…” Arthur blanched before he realised that Merlin was just teasing him.

Gwaine grinned at the pair of them before knocking on the door. A girl who looked to be only a year or two older let them into the house.

It was a much smaller and much less stylish house than Arthur lived in but it was comfortably decorated and quite a few people were gathered together drinking and laughing as loud music played. Merlin stuck close to Arthur and Gwaine as they wound through the house looking for Lance. They found him in the kitchen drinking a beer and chatting to a slender Indian girl with a huge smile and bright brown eyes.

“You made it!” Lance called over the music as he turned to introduce the girl he’d been talking with. “This is Bhanu, my brother’s girlfriend.”

“Hi.” Bhanu handed them each a beer from the fridge she was standing in front of. “Sorry, I know I’m blocking it. Are you having fun?”

“Just got here,” Arthur answered, twisting the top off of his bottle and then reaching over to do the same for Merlin when he noticed that his lanky friend was having trouble.

Bhanu nodded. “Sorry about the music, Lionel picked it and he’s got…strange taste.”

Lance laughed. “It’s fine, Bhanu, stop worrying.” To Merlin he said, “My brother isn’t known for being the best DJ.” When Aqua’s  _Barbie Girl_  came on over the speakers, Lance grimaced and said, “Right, I’ll just have a word with him.”  

Merlin laughed as Bhanu and Lance hurried off to find wherever Lionel was hiding with his bad music stash. Gwaine had drifted away and was now chatting up an incredibly attractive girl with short, spiky blonde hair. Merlin grinned as Gwaine leaned in close to whisper in her ear.

“You alright?” Arthur asked, bringing Merlin’s attention back to him.

“Yeah,” Merlin replied. He hoped that his nervousness wasn’t too obvious. He’d never drank before, except for a taste of his uncle’s wine at Christmas or New Years, and he was a little scared of someone finding out that he wasn’t eighteen. “Why?”

“You’re drinking that like its water,” Arthur replied, pointing to the bottle in Merlin’s hand. “It’s not.”

Sure enough, Merlin saw that he’d finished more than half of his beer in the five minutes since he’d received it from Bhanu. “I like it.”

“Obviously.” Arthur grinned. “C’mon, let’s go find where Lance got off to.”

They weaved through the sea of people. Merlin followed Arthur, trying not to get lost in the crowd. He learned quickly that simply saying, “excuse me” did not get people to move. They likely didn’t hear him over Spice Girl’s  _Wannabe_ , Merlin thought to himself, wondering when Lance and Bhanu were going to find Lionel and put something decent on.

“You could get lost in a paper bag, _Mer_ lin,” Arthur said, pushing his way back and taking Merlin’s hand, pulling him along. “He’s up here.” Arthur let go of Merlin’s hand, squeezing it once in comfort when they reached their destination, and nudged in next to Lance with his shoulder.

Lance appeared to have given up on finding his brother and was talking to three blokes he seemed well acquainted with. “Hey, Arthur, Merlin, this is Andy, Tom, and James. They’re my brother’s flatmates. They’re in their last year at LSE.” He grinned. “It’s always fun going to visit them. Never boring.”

“That’s the truth!” Tom laughed. “I’m never living with a couple again.”

“Oh, come on, Bhanu’s great!” Lance protested.

“Not Bhanu, she doesn’t technically live with us,” Tom clarified. “Those two, they’re just ridiculous.”

Merlin looked at Andy and James, both of whom shrugged. He sneaked a glance at Arthur but he didn’t seem to be reacting to this news in any way.

“Well, yes,” Lance agreed. “You’re both a little gross.”

“They snog on the couch all the time,” Tom whispered conspiratorially to Arthur and Merlin.

“You only caught us the once!” James protested. “And you were supposed to be at Lottie’s.”

“It was two days ago and we decided to come back because her flatmate was home,” Tom replied. His eyes narrowed. “What do you mean I only caught you the once? I bet you two do really terrible things on the couch when I’m not there.” He wrinkled his nose when there was no protest. “I put my face on those cushions!”

Andy laughed. “You’ve got a sick mind, Tom.” He nodded to Lance. “I think we’re going to head home. Dirty things to do before Tom gets home and all.” He winked at Merlin and Arthur before taking James’s hand and disappearing into the crowd.

“We should go too,” Arthur said a little regretfully, looking at Merlin who had acquired a second beer from somewhere.

“No, you don’t,” said Gwaine from behind, throwing his arm around Arthur’s shoulders. “We’ve been here for twenty minutes. You have to stay at least an hour.”

“How did you  _do_  that?” Merlin asked, whirling around and almost falling onto Gwaine.

“Steady on, Merlin,” Gwaine said, amused. “Maybe you shouldn’t have another.”

“I don’t know where he got that one.” Arthur nodded to the bottle in Merlin's hand. “Did you pick up the wrong beer?”

“No, she gave it to me,” Merlin replied, motioning back into the crowd.

“Who?” Arthur said looking into the group of people without much hope of spotting the person Merlin was talking about. There had to be at least thirty people squeezed in here, he thought. It was hot and close and there was barely room to move. “Was it open when she gave it to you?”

“No, I opened it,” Merlin said, almost proudly. He produced the bottle cap for Arthur’s inspection and Arthur relaxed.

“For fuck’s sake, he’s not going to have something slipped in his drink.” Gwaine laughed. He spotted the girl with the spiky blonde hair coming over and headed back towards her. “S’laters, mate.”

“I couldn’t find Lionel,” Lance said sheepishly as  _Dancing Queen_  started playing.

“Where did your brother get his taste in music?” Arthur asked, laughing.

“He’s drunk,” Lance explained. “He always does this when he’s drunk.”

“My mum likes ABBA,” Merlin argued, finishing his second beer.

“Of course she does,” Arthur replied fondly, taking the bottle from Merlin. “I think that’s enough. Let’s find some water for you.”

“Back in the kitchen,” Lance directed. “I’m going to look for Lionel again. Bhanu clearly has no idea where he is. It’s not like the place is that big!”

Arthur snorted and pressed Merlin into an empty chair. “Sit there, I’ll be right back.” Arthur expertly ducked through the crowd to collect a glass of water for Merlin. He knew Merlin wasn’t too far gone but he was definitely strongly buzzed and Arthur didn’t want him to be sick. That was not how Arthur wanted Merlin to remember his first night of drinking. Not that Arthur hadn’t had nights like that before himself, he just didn’t want Merlin to be miserable in the morning if he could prevent it.

When Arthur returned, he found that Merlin was chatting to a heavier set man who looked a little older than they were. Merlin had another drink in his hand, rum and Coke if Arthur guessed correctly, and Arthur frowned, Merlin really didn’t need that.

“I got your water,” Arthur said, trying to take the half-empty glass from Merlin’s hands. He smiled as Merlin positively beamed up at him.

“This is Brian,” Merlin said happily to Arthur and Brian sneered at Arthur.

Arthur raised his eyebrows. “I’m Arthur.”

“Yeah, he told me about you.” Brian’s eyes narrowed and he looked down at Merlin. “Give me a ring if you’re bored when he’s at work. I put my number in your mobile and I’ve got yours.”

Arthur said nothing but he felt resentment blossoming in his stomach and he tried not to push Brian away as he gently touched Merlin’s shoulder before walking off.

“See you,” Merlin called cheerfully, looking back up at Arthur and frowning. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Arthur replied, watching as Brian started chatting to someone else.

“Are you angry with me?” Merlin asked, sipping his mixed drink. “I like this.”

“Drink the water,” Arthur said a little more harshly than he intended and took the drink out of Merlin’s hand.

“You’re so bossy,” Merlin muttered, gulping the water Arthur handed him.

“You’re going to be sick,” Arthur informed him. “Come on, let’s go.” 

“What about Gwaine?” Merlin asked, getting unsteadily to his feet.

“I think he’ll be alright,” Arthur replied dryly. “I saw him disappear with that girl into the back garden.” He led Merlin out of the house, ready to catch him if Merlin stumbled.

“Arthur?” Merlin asked, feeling pleasantly warm and happy. He wasn’t drunk, he knew that much from everything he knew about drinking (which was information gained from the telly and Will), but he was feeling the false confidence of anyone who’d had slightly too much alcohol.

“Hm?” Arthur was distracted, trying to decide if they should take a cab or walk. He couldn’t remember when the Tube stopped running on Sundays and he didn’t want to drag Merlin over to the closest station only to find that they weren’t running anymore.

“They were a couple.” Merlin tugged at Arthur’s arm.

“Who are you talking about?” Arthur asked, settling on walking, it was only a little over a mile, they would be fine.

“They were with Lance. I don’t remember their names,” Merlin replied. “But they were a couple and they were  _boys_.”

Arthur raised an eyebrow at Merlin, remembering whom he was talking about. “Yes.”

“You weren’t upset about it,” Merlin observed. “They held hands.”

“Yes,” Arthur replied, feeling a little amused. “Why would I be upset?”

“They were  _boys_ ,” Merlin repeated stupidly, looking at Arthur with wide eyes.

“I think we can agree on that,” Arthur commented wryly, trying not to laugh. Was Merlin more intoxicated than Arthur had thought? Maybe he should try and take a cab but none were driving by at the moment.

“They kiss on the couch,” Merlin continued.

Arthur laughed. “I know, Merlin. They told us.”

“They shag!” Merlin cried and Arthur had to shush him to keep people walking by from staring. “Sorry.” He cocked his head to the side. “They have sex.”

“Of course they do,” Arthur replied, realising that this was actually important to Merlin. “Why wouldn’t they? They’re a couple.”

“You don’t care,” Merlin said, more to himself than to Arthur.

“Christ, Merlin, are you actually a closeted homophobe or something? What’s the matter with you?” Arthur demanded, running out of patience. “They’re men, and they shag, and they’re a couple!”

“I know,” Merlin replied. “But you don’t care.”

“Jesus,” Arthur muttered, running his palm down his face. “I don’t think you should be allowed to drink anymore. You’re more annoying than usual.” 

“Why don’t you care?” Merlin asked, staring at Arthur, his blue eyes wide in his pale face. “I thought you would.”

Arthur laughed. “Come on, you idiot, this is stupid; you’re drunk.”

“Are you sure you don’t care?” Merlin asked suspiciously.

“I’m sure, Merlin. I don’t care,” Arthur answered, wishing they could get back to his house faster so that he could force more water down Merlin’s throat.

“That they shag,” Merlin prompted, smiling at Arthur.

“Er…right,” Arthur said, looking at the group of uni students that walked by and started to giggle. Arthur felt himself flush, sure that they had overheard part of his and Merlin’s conversation.

“Have you shagged anyone?” Merlin asked conversationally.

“Can we talk about this somewhere else?” Arthur asked quietly, feeling exposed. He quickened their pace; hoping they could get back quickly and that Merlin would stop talking. Arthur knew he was fine himself, he hadn’t even finished his bottle of beer, but he didn’t want anyone to call the police. Merlin was loud! The last thing Arthur needed was for someone to call his father or uncle and tell them they had found Arthur wandering the streets of London after midnight with a drunken underage friend.

“Sure,” Merlin replied, seemingly content to walk the rest of the way in silence.

When they arrived at Arthur’s house, Arthur helped Merlin up the walk. Merlin had started to become more clumsy than usual and Arthur worried that he’d actually drank more than Arthur had seen.

“You need to eat more,” Arthur informed him as he easily half-carried Merlin inside.

“I’m fine,” Merlin replied, flapping his arm at Arthur to make him let go.

Arthur settled Merlin on the couch and went to find water and paracetamol tablets. When he returned, he found that Merlin had kicked his shoes off and was leaning his head back against the cushions.

“You alright?” Arthur asked quietly, placing the water and tablets on the table.

Merlin opened his eyes and smiled softly at Arthur. “Yeah, yeah, I’m okay. I’m sorry.”

Arthur brushed him off. “I’ll get you back for it later.” He grinned and then immediately sobered. “You’re lucky my father isn’t here.”

“Is Morgana back?” Merlin looked around as if Morgana would be sitting right next to him.

“I don’t think she’s coming back tonight,” Arthur replied, trying to keep his voice light.

“Are you upset that she sleeps with Cenred?” Merlin asked, looking curiously at Arthur, his head bobbing a bit due to his less than sober state.

“I don’t like Cenred,” Arthur admitted grumpily. “I don’t trust him. I don’t think he likes Morgana for the right reasons.”

“He shags her,” Merlin said wisely.

“I  _know_ ,” Arthur replied between gritted teeth. “Hell, just go to sleep. I’ll bring you a blanket.” He got up to go to the linen cupboard but Merlin grabbed his wrist. “What’s wrong?”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Merlin said. He picked up the water and started to sip it, staring at the paracetamol. “These too?”

Arthur nodded. “Which question?”

“Have you shagged anyone?” Merlin was staring at Arthur so innocently that Arthur wasn’t sure if he should laugh or kiss him. He decided to do neither.

“Does it matter?”

“I’m just curious,” Merlin said petulantly. He finished the water and swallowed the pills. His eyes flicked up to Arthur. “I haven’t.”

“I know.” Arthur squeezed Merlin’s shoulder. “I’m going to get you a blanket, I’ll be right back. Why don’t you take off your shirt and jeans? I’ll bring you your pyjamas. You should sleep down here tonight.” He didn’t add that he didn’t want Merlin in his bed when he was drunk, it would be too easy for something to happen and Arthur absolutely refused to do anything like that when Merlin was in this state. Especially since he’d seemed so distraught over Andy and James being a couple. Arthur really wasn’t sure what to make of Merlin’s reactions to that bit of news.

Arthur jogged upstairs and grabbed Merlin’s pyjama bottoms, stopping at the linen cupboard and taking a pair of sheets and a light blanket for Merlin. “Merlin?”

“Yeah,” Merlin’s muffled voice answered. He was lying face down on the couch, his clothes still on.

“Get up,” Arthur ordered, pulling Merlin into a sitting position. “I need to make up the couch.” He shoved Merlin’s pyjama bottoms into his hands. “Go change.” He shook his head when Merlin shuffled off to the guest bathroom.

“Are you going to answer my question?” Merlin asked when he came back into the room. He was smiling now, his clothes bundled up in his arms. “I think you’re avoiding it. Are you a real slag? Is it in the hundreds?”

Arthur snorted. “Lie down. I have more water for you.”

“I don’t want any more,” Merlin protested, getting into the clumsily made couch bed.

“You’ll thank me in the morning,” Arthur said. “Now go to sleep.”

“Answer my question!” Merlin whinged. “I told you my answer.”

“I didn’t ask,” Arthur pointed out. He sighed at the frustrated look on Merlin’s face.

“Tell me, Arthur!” Merlin demanded, settling back against the couch. There wasn’t much room for him, as Arthur hadn’t taken off the back cushions but at least Merlin could stretch his legs out. “Have you?”

“Yes, I have. Now go to sleep.”

****

Merlin woke close to noon the next morning with a slight headache. He blinked into the light and groaned when a wave of nausea overcame him. He bit back the urge to gag and gently pushed himself into a sitting position. To his left he saw there was a glass of water, two paracetamol tables, and a hastily scrawled note.

_Merlin,_

_I’ll be back for lunch. Agravaine said he only needs me for a half day. Drink the water and take a shower. You’ll feel human again, I promise._

_\- A_

Merlin blinked at Arthur’s note a few times before deciding to follow its instructions. Arthur was right, Merlin thought as he stepped out of the bathroom, he did feel better after showering. The nausea was going away and he was starting to feel hungry. He briefly considered searching for the spaghetti leftovers when he heard the door close downstairs and Arthur’s voice call out his name.

“I’m in your room,” Merlin called down the stairs. He had just finished putting on his jeans when Arthur walked in wearing a suit.

“How do you feel?” Arthur asked, eyeing Merlin critically. “You look pale.”

“I’m always pale,” Merlin replied, rolling his eyes. “You’re in a suit.”

Arthur shrugged and took the jacket off. “It’s a legal firm. You wear suits.”

“You’re still at college,” Merlin pointed out. “You don’t work there yet.”

Arthur looked amused. “Have you seen my Eton uniform?”

“Whatever.” Merlin rolled his eyes. “Thanks for the water.”

Arthur shrugged.

“I’m sorry,” Merlin told him miserably, looking at the floor. “I don’t remember everything I said. I’m sorry.”

Arthur shrugged again.

“Er…I’m hungry.” Merlin looked up at Arthur who was watching him calmly.

“We can eat that mound of spaghetti you ordered,” Arthur said, undoing his tie and chucking it on his bed. He unbuttoned the top button of his shirt as they walked down the stairs.

They heated the spaghetti up in the microwave on one big plate. Merlin handed Arthur a fork and they started eating it at the counter, not bothering to sit down.

“Was I really horrible?” Merlin asked, looking nervously at Arthur.

“Not really,” Arthur replied. “I only had to shut you up once.”

“Oh God,” Merlin whispered. “What did I…Do I want to know?”

“You were yelling up and down the street about how Andy and James have sex.” Arthur smirked at the flush that came up Merlin’s neck and turned his whole face red.

“What else did I do?” Merlin asked, horrified. “I remember asking you to tell me something but I really don’t know what it was.”

“You’re a lightweight.” Arthur shook his head. “I thought you were just buzzed. You really don’t remember?” At Merlin’s disgruntled look Arthur grinned. “You were pretty upset about the subject.”

“What was it?” Merlin asked, his eyes wide.

“Well, there were two things,” Arthur replied, appearing to enjoy Merlin’s discomfort.

“And?” Merlin demanded. He finished the spaghetti as Arthur watched, a secretive smile on his face. “Arthur!”

“You kept asking why I didn’t care,” Arthur said, frowning when Merlin looked terrified. “You alright? Did you eat too much spaghetti? I’m not cleaning up after you if you’re sick and Margaret certainly won't thank you if you damage the carpet.”

“Care about what?” Merlin asked, clenching his fists so his hands didn’t shake too noticeably.

“About Andy and James,” Arthur answered. “What’s wrong?”

Merlin let out a sigh of relief. “I have no idea who they are.”

Arthur laughed. “They were with Lance. They were a couple and they were boys.”

Merlin narrowed his eyes at Arthur. “Are you being funny?”

Arthur shook his head. “No, that’s what you kept saying.” He mimicked Merlin, “‘Why don’t you care, Arthur? They’re a couple and they’re  _boys_!’ you were very upset about that.” He raised an eyebrow at Merlin. “It’s a bit of a double standard, really.”

“I don’t care if they’re a couple and they’re boys!” Merlin said hotly. “I must have thought you would have cared.” He glared at Arthur. “You don’t care?”

“We’ve had this conversation, Merlin,” Arthur said lazily, tossing the dirty plate in the sink.

“Well, I don’t remember so let’s have it again,” Merlin said. He was looking at Arthur with such ferocity that Arthur was taken aback. “I want to hear your answer.”

“I don’t care,” Arthur said, deciding to stop teasing Merlin and just answer his question. “Why should I?”

“They were gay. They were gay and you don’t care?” Merlin repeated, feeling dizzy.

“Of course I don’t care!” Arthur snapped angrily. “Fuck, Merlin, can we stop talking about this? It’s actually getting offensive.”

“No,” said Merlin. “No, Arthur, I’m sorry. I just…” He bit his lip. “I was worried you’d care.”

Arthur was still glaring at him. “I noticed. Well, I don’t. It would be rather unfair of me.”

Merlin nodded slowly, not understanding quite what Arthur meant about it being unfair. “So, what was the other thing I kept asking?”

Arthur laughed, his entire demeanour changing as he grinned impishly at Merlin. “You wanted to know if I’d ever had sex.”

“Oh  _god_ ,” Merlin groaned, covering his face with his hands.

“Do you want to know the answer to that one?” Arthur asked, crossing his arms and leaning against the countertop.

“Go on then,” Merlin said from behind his hands. “I’m sure you told me last night and it’s all going to come to me in one terrifying flashback as you tell me their names and every position you’ve ever done.”

“You’re kind of a perv,” Arthur commented with amusement.

“I just don’t want to picture you with a bunch of girls,” Merlin replied, dropping his hands and looking at Arthur reluctantly. 

“Well, neither do I,” Arthur said, laughing outright this time. “Hell, Merlin, you’re an idiot.”

Merlin frowned. “What do you mean?”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “You’re not that stupid.” At Merlin’s exasperated expression Arthur smiled. “I’m not telling you. You’ll have to just work it out. I think Gwaine and I said enough.”

“I don’t remember last night!” Merlin protested, feeling very frustrated with Arthur.

“It wasn’t just last night, Merlin,” Arthur said, suddenly serious. “I’ve given you more than enough to figure it out. I’m not going to hint anymore. You just have to work it out.”

Merlin glared at him. “You’re taking advantage of the state I’m in.”

Arthur snickered. “Believe me, if I’d wanted to take advantage I would have done so last night. You couldn’t have fended off a kitten.”

Merlin shivered and licked his lips nervously. “Er…You…”

Arthur smiled at him a little sadly. “Let’s ring Gwen. I’ll see if Morgana's back and then we can go to the cinema or something. There has to be something good out.”

 

****

Before they could message Gwen or knock on Morgana’s door, Agravaine rang Arthur and told him to come back to the office. Arthur had looked mutinous but he’d quickly started gathering his things.

“Sorry,” Merlin said as Arthur put his tie back on.

Arthur shrugged. “He said I could have the afternoon off but he's probably going to make me scrub the toilets or something for being late.” He sighed angrily. “This is so stupid! My father would never have kept me out of the important meetings.”

Merlin decided not to point out that Arthur had been grumbling about making coffee and filing papers just a few days before. “Maybe you’ll get off early.”

“Right.” Arthur snorted. “Don’t go to the cinema without me? I’d actually like to have fun and not miss out on anything. You should ring Gwen. She’s probably bored.”

“Sure.” Merlin half-smiled. He was starting to feel ill again and wanted to lie down for a moment. Instead, Merlin followed Arthur back downstairs and waited as Arthur grabbed his things. “See you!”

“Don’t forget to ring Gwen!” he called to Merlin, shutting the door behind him as he hurried off to the Tube station.

Merlin grabbed his mobile and sent Gwen a quick text, asking if she wanted to do something, and then flopped onto the couch. He sighed, trying to get his thoughts in order, and then decided he ought to clean up. The blankets he’d slept in were in a jumble at the end of the couch. He quickly set to work straightening up the living room and trying not to think too much about the conversation he and Arthur had had earlier. Instead, Merlin let his thoughts drift to how these last few hours in London had been better than the last three weeks in Ealdor. He was still thinking about this when Gwen arrived and as they walked away from the Pendragon home, Merlin told her that he wished he never had to leave.

“You wouldn’t like it when Mr Pendragon came back,” Gwen said, giving him a sympathetic look. “Arthur’s not someone you want to be around then and Morgana’s even touchier than usual.”

Merlin laughed. “I like her!”

Gwen grinned. “Well, you know what I mean. She and Arthur fight a lot more and it’s not nice being there.”

“I’m bored back home,” Merlin said. “It’s great at my house but there isn’t a lot to do except work in the flower shop.”

“I’m sure Arthur would let you stay on if you wanted,” Gwen replied. “Mr Pendragon is going to be on holiday for another two weeks or so.”

Merlin shook his head. “I have to go back. We need the money I get from the shop. It’s going to be really hard for my mum and Gaius when I go to uni unless I can get a sponsor or bursary.”

“Same for me,” Gwen agreed. “When my mum died, we used almost everything trying to take care of her.” At Merlin’s sympathetic look, she smiled. He had never pressed her for information and she had offered him the same courtesy, never asking about his dad. “She had lung cancer and it was too late to really do anything.” A wave of sadness engulfed her and she pressed her lips together. “It was really hard, saying goodbye, you know?”

“Yeah,” Merlin said. “Yeah, I know.” He thought back to the hospital when his dad had returned. He’d only been thirteen and he had been furious. Furious that his father had come back after leaving his mother and even angrier that he was leaving again, permanently this time, in death. It hadn’t been easy, he thought, and Arthur was right, he really shouldn’t blame Balinor for his illness, but it was still wasn’t fair!

“Well, we’re quite the pair!” Gwen said, trying to lighten the mood. “Sulking around. Let’s go look at the paintings in the National Gallery, I haven’t been since Primary.”

****

They returned to the Pendragon home around six in the evening, having spent the rest of their afternoon looking at paintings and pointing out some of the silly costumes. (“Aren’t you glad we don’t have to wear those things anymore!” Gwen had exclaimed, looking at the corsets some of the ladies in the paintings were wearing that made their figures look anatomically impossible. “Or those stupid hats!” Merlin had replied.) When they arrived, they found that Morgana had returned from wherever she'd been earlier and was eating a slice of chocolate cake.

“There’s more in the kitchen,” she told them, gesturing with her fork as she watched television. “Gwen, do you want to see Vivian? She’s in town visiting her cousin.” Gwen made a face and Morgana grinned. “We don’t have to stay long but I do want to meet her new boyfriend.”

Gwen laughed. “Alright.”

“Gwaine went to see some girl,” Morgana told Merlin when he came back into the living room with a piece of cake for himself and Gwen. “Arthur should be back soon, though.”

Gwen shook her head at the cake Merlin offered. “No thanks, I don’t really like chocolate.”

Merlin shrugged and put it on the coffee table for whenever Arthur returned. “Are you leaving now?”

Morgana looked at the time on her mobile and nodded. “We probably should.” She smiled at him. “Don’t let Arthur push you around. He’s in a terrible mood.” At Merlin’s curious expression she added, “He rang and yelled at me a few times for not knowing where you and Gwaine had gone.”

“He could have just rung me,” Merlin replied. He put his hands in his pockets and found that his mobile was not there.

Morgana motioned to the small table in the hall. “You forgot it when you left.”

“Oops,” Merlin said, going to pick up his phone and finding he had two missed calls, a voicemail, and four texts, one from a bloke called Brian that Merlin could not remember putting in his phone. One of the calls was from his mother and he decided to ring her back when the girls left. The other texts were from Arthur and Gwaine and he quickly read them.

“We’ll see you later,” Gwen said as Merlin looked through his mobile.

“Bye,” he called absently, reading the message from Gwaine.

_Tell Princess I’m at Emma’s for the night._

Merlin figured Emma was the girl Gwaine had met at the party Lance invited them to and replied to Gwaine that he would. He looked at the two from Arthur. 

_I have a break, come meet me._

Merlin winced, that helped explain why Arthur was in a bad mood. The other one read, _You’re an idiot._ Merlin rolled his eyes and sent a message to Arthur saying that he’d forgotten his phone and just saw the texts.

He then read the text from Brian and frowned. _Forget me? I thought we would have gone out by now._

Merlin didn’t respond to that one. He could not remember who Brian was for the life of him but thought it might be someone he met at the party since he didn’t know any Brians.

“Hey,” Arthur said, walking in the front door and startling Merlin out of his thoughts. “You look like the village idiot just standing there with your mouth open.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Prat.”

“Is anyone here?” Arthur asked, putting his jacket in the closet.

“Morgana and Gwen left and Gwaine’s with that girl,” Merlin replied with a shrug. “You’re stuck with me.”

“We could ring Lance,” Arthur said, walking into the living room and picking up the untouched cake without asking if it was for him.

“Hey, that could be mine,” Merlin protested, sitting down next to Arthur.

“You had one.” Arthur pointed to an empty plate and continued shovelling cake into his mouth.

“I might have wanted another.”

“You barely eat,” Arthur said. “You’re not going to have a second piece. This is mine.” As if to prove his point, he licked the last part of the cake before shoving it into his mouth whole.

“Ew!” Merlin laughed. “Fine, keep it!”

Arthur grinned, chocolate icing around his mouth as he fought to swallow the huge amount of cake he’d just eaten.

“Charming,” Merlin said, cocking an eyebrow.

“Futup,” Arthur garbled around a mouthful of cake, completely forgetting his manners. After a few moments he managed to swallow it and wiped his mouth with a paper napkin Morgana had left on the table. “What do you want to do?”

“I need to ring my mum,” Merlin said, fiddling with his mobile. “Why don’t you decide? You’re the Londoner.”

Arthur rolled his eyes and took his plate into the kitchen.

Merlin chuckled and rang his mother.

“Hello, Merlin,” his mum greeted.

“Hi, Mum,” Merlin replied, smiling. He loved his mother and even though he’d only been gone for a few days, it was nice to hear her voice.

“Did you get my voicemail?” she asked.

“I didn’t listen,” Merlin admitted. “What did you say?”

Hunith laughed. “We need to break you of this habit. I bought you a mobile for a reason and it wasn’t so that you could ignore me.”

“Mum,” Merlin protested, grinning. “Just tell me.”

“Gaius is driving to London on Wednesday to visit his friend Geoffrey,” Hunith replied. “I thought maybe you would like to join him and then you could ride back with him.”

“How long is he staying?” Merlin asked, his stomach dropping. He had hoped to stay until Monday so that he could spend another weekend with Arthur.

“Through the weekend,” Hunith assured. “But I thought you might want to stay with Geoffrey when Gaius gets there. You said Arthur’s working at his father’s office, didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” Merlin said. He smiled slightly at Arthur who had come back into the living room and was looking at Merlin curiously. “It’s my mum,” he mouthed and Arthur nodded.

“Well, he might like it if you went somewhere else. You don’t want to intrude,” Hunith explained. “I know he said you’re welcome but maybe you should stay with Geoffrey. I know Gaius wouldn’t mind if you spent an evening or two with Arthur.”

“Mum, I don’t think…I’m not,” Merlin began, feeling suddenly mortified.

“Oh, no, sweetheart,” Hunith said gently, “I know Arthur likes having you around but he must be tired when he gets back.”

“It’s fine,” Merlin said quickly. “I’ve been spending the day with some of Arthur’s friends and his sister is really nice. I went to Camden Town with her just the other day.”

“Alright, if you’re sure,” Hunith said slowly and Merlin knew she was worrying. “I do think you should go see Gaius when he comes. I think you’ll like his friend Geoffrey.”

“I will,” Merlin agreed. “I promise.”

“I’ll tell Gaius to call you when he gets to London on Wednesday. I love you.”

“Love you, too, Mum,” Merlin replied. “Bye.”

“Everything alright?” Arthur asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Fine.” Merlin nodded. “Uncle Gaius is coming up on Wednesday to visit his friend Geoffrey.”

“Cool,” Arthur said, his expression guarded. “Are you leaving, then?”

“No,” Merlin replied. “He’s going to stay through the weekend. I think my mum wants me to go stay with them.”

“Oh.” Arthur frowned. “Do you want to?” He thought that Merlin’s mother liked him and couldn’t understand why she didn’t want Merlin to stay with him.

Merlin shook his head. “No.”

Arthur smiled. “You’re welcome here, you know. I want…it’s lonely when it’s just Morgana and me.”

“Gwaine’s here,” Merlin pointed out, deciding not to ask what Arthur wanted.

“Sort of.” Arthur laughed. “You wouldn’t believe how quickly he runs off when he finds a girl.”

“How often is your father gone?” Merlin could tell something was bothering Arthur and he wasn’t sure what it was. During the school year when Arthur was at Eton, Arthur hadn’t talked much about his father except to complain a few times. Merlin knew that Uther Pendragon frequently travelled for work to meet with his clients but he thought that Uther would be home whenever Arthur was there. He didn’t see his son while he was at school, after all.

“A lot,” Arthur replied shortly.

Merlin decided not to press the subject, feeling awkward. “Are you hungry?”

Arthur nodded. “You go look in the kitchen, I think Margaret went to the store. I’m going to change.”

Merlin sighed and watched Arthur jog up the stairs to his room before going into the kitchen to rummage.

****

As they ate dinner (Margaret had prepared a Cottage Pie and left it in the refrigerator before going home) Merlin’s mobile beeped to show he had a text.

“Is that Gwaine?” Arthur asked. “Tell him he can’t come here if that girl chucked him out. We’re his friends, not his fall back plans.”

Merlin snickered. “No, it’s someone I don’t know.”

“Tell them they have the wrong number,” Arthur replied, taking another bite of his food.

Merlin frowned at his phone. “Well, I don’t really know who they are. Maybe I do. I just don’t remember.” He laughed at the look on Arthur’s face. “Sorry.”

“Stop talking nonsense,” Arthur teased. “What do they want?”

“Well, I have their number; I just don’t know when I got it.” Merlin frowned at his phone. “It’s from someone called Brian. I think I met him at the party. Did you put it in my phone?”

Arthur glared at his plate, trying to fight down the jealousy that he knew was irrational. “Why would I put some bloke’s number in your phone?”

Merlin snorted. “I just don’t remember putting it in.”

“What does he want?” Arthur asked, trying to keep his tone light. From the frown on Merlin’s face, he could tell he hadn’t succeeded.

“He asked if I want to go to lunch with him tomorrow.” Merlin shrugged and tossed his phone back on the table.

“Are you going?” Arthur gazed at the phone, his stomach clenching.

Merlin laughed. “No. I don’t remember who he is!” He reddened at the memory of how he had been intoxicated the night before and the conversation he and Arthur had about Andy and James. “Besides, I think he wants it as like a…a date or something.”

“It might be fun,” Arthur mumbled. He didn’t know why he was pressing this on Merlin. He certainly didn’t want Merlin to go on a date with this university student he’d met at a party and couldn’t even remember. Arthur told himself this was rational and not motivated by envy. He wasn’t doing a very good job convincing himself.

“I don’t know him,” Merlin repeated. “That would be weird. He's probably at uni.” He shifted uncomfortably. The last thing he wanted to do was discuss dating with Arthur.

“He’d probably pay,” Arthur pointed out. “Usually the person who asks is the person who pays.”

“Been on loads of dates, have you?” Merlin asked dryly.

Arthur grinned. “Not loads.”

“Well, there aren’t exactly loads of girls hanging around Eton,” Merlin said with a vicious stab at his dinner.

“No,” Arthur agreed wryly. After a moment’s hesitation he added, “And I wouldn’t ask them if there were.”

“Who do you go out with, then?” Merlin frowned. “Gwen liked you, you know. You could ask her.”

Arthur gave Merlin his ‘you’re not very bright’ look that usually made Merlin roll his eyes.

“I’m serious!” Merlin continued. “She’s so sweet, too. I’d go out with her if…well, if I were interested.”

“Right,” Arthur said, leaning back in his chair. He watched Merlin for a few minutes before sighing. “How can you be that dense?”

“Oi!” Merlin protested. “I didn’t do anything.”

Arthur settled Merlin with a very serious look that made Merlin fidget. “I’m only going to tell you this once so you’d better listen properly and stop being daft,” Arthur said, his voice dangerously quiet. “I don’t want to go out with Gwen. I don’t want to go out with  _any_  girl. I don’t go out with  _girls_.”

“Oh,” Merlin said, trying to puzzle everything out when it suddenly hit him like a tonne of bricks. “Oh!  _Oh_!” He looked at Arthur in shock. “So you mean…so you’re…?”

Arthur nodded jerkily. “I thought you’d figure it out. I gave you enough hints!”

“I just thought you were being friendly,” Merlin admitted, blushing furiously.

Arthur raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms where he sat. “Yes, I frequently feel up my friends when we’re sharing a bed.”

Merlin swallowed thickly and looked down so that Arthur couldn’t see the fear and nervousness on Merlin’s face.

“Hey,” Arthur said gently, not quite sure how to handle Merlin’s reaction. “You alright?”

Merlin shrugged. To his utter embarrassment, tears were prickling behind his eyes and he refused to let Arthur see. It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy to hear what Arthur had told him; it was the possibilities that scared him. He thought back to the conversations he’d had with Will and knew he should tell Arthur that he was fine, that he was gay too, but the events with Ian replayed in his head and he felt tears start to fall.

“Merlin!” Arthur cried, horrified. “What’s wrong?”

Merlin shook his head and tried to get himself under control. He flinched when he realised Arthur had gotten out of his chair and was standing next to him. “Nothing.”

“Are you upset with me?” Arthur asked quietly, suddenly unsure of everything that had passed between them in the last year. “I didn’t mean to…if I…I thought you…” He bit his lip, wondering if he had misinterpreted everything and had just lost one of his best friends. “I’m sorry.”

Merlin’s head shot up and he stared at Arthur, his eyes red from the tears he’d been trying so hard to prevent. “No,” he choked out hoarsely. “No! Don’t be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Arthur nodded dumbly and just stared at Merlin. “Come on. Let’s…let’s put a DVD in.”

Merlin got up shakily and followed Arthur into the living room where they fussed with the telly and chose a DVD at random. They sat on opposite sides of the sofa, not looking at each other as  _Fight Club_ played on the screen.

After nearly an hour of not speaking, Merlin said quietly, “I’m gay.”

Arthur kept his eyes on the telly but he nodded.

“I wanted to tell you,” Merlin continued, his voice barely above a whisper. “I thought you’d hate me.” He swallowed and felt the pressure of tears begin again. “That you’d think I’m…disgusting.”

Arthur frowned and pressed pause. He turned so that he was facing Merlin and gave him a considering look. Merlin was obviously quite distressed and Arthur couldn’t understand why. He knew how difficult it was to come out but he resolved not to think about himself at the moment and focus on Merlin. He could still hear his father’s shouts…Arthur shook his head to rid himself of those thoughts and scooted closer so that he could take Merlin’s hand.

Merlin looked down at where Arthur’s hand rested on his. “I haven’t told anyone. Will knows, though.” He shrugged and laughed despite himself, refusing to look at Arthur’s face. “He told me I should tell you.”

“He was right,” Arthur said. He decided not to tell Merlin that Gwaine, Morgana, Gwen and everyone else had assumed Merlin was gay. It would probably be too much for him to handle if Merlin’s current reaction was anything to go by.

“I haven’t told my mum,” Merlin said quietly. “Will thinks she knows.”

“I told my father earlier this summer.” Arthur chuckled when Merlin’s head jerked up to stare at him. Merlin hadn’t met his father but Arthur had told him plenty of stories.

“He didn’t care?” Merlin asked wonderingly.

Arthur laughed humourlessly. “Oh he cared. Nothing he could do about it, though is there? He just told me not to do anything embarrassing and keep it to myself until I finish at Eton.” He grinned wryly. “I think he’s hoping I outgrow it.”

Merlin shook his head. He was trying to wrap his head around everything. “Does anyone else know?”

“Yeah,” Arthur replied. “Morgana and Gwen and most of my friends, I think. Well, Lance, Gwaine, and Leon do, anyway. No one’s ever given me problems but I don’t exactly shout it from the rooftops.”

“I didn’t know,” Merlin muttered.

Arthur smiled and squeezed Merlin’s hand. “That’s because you don’t pay proper attention.”

“But you’re so…” Merlin gestured to Arthur’s body and waved his hand around. “You play sports and stuff,” he finished lamely.

Arthur quirked an eyebrow. “I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”

“I guess so,” Merlin mumbled with embarrassment. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Arthur asked, concerned. He couldn’t forget how Merlin had started crying. What had been done to him? Arthur wondered.

“For being such a daft git,” Merlin replied, forcing a smile that looked more like a grimace.

Arthur grinned. “I like you, you know.” He shook his head. “I didn’t think I was going to have to spell it out for you.”

Merlin stared, eyes as big as saucers. “Don’t be stupid.”

Arthur snorted. “It’s good to know you think highly of me.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “I like you too.”

“Obviously,” Arthur said smugly,

Merlin snatched his hand back and grabbed a pillow, tossing it at Arthur’s face. “You arrogant clotpole!” he laughed.

“You need a lesson on how to give proper insults,” Arthur informed him with mock severity.

Merlin grinned. “You need a lesson on humility.”

Arthur smiled. “That’s better.” He took Merlin’s hand and laced their fingers together. “Are you going to tell me what had you all upset in the kitchen? Or was it really just that hard to tell me you like boys?” The smile on his face was teasing but he was generally concerned. There was more to Merlin’s tears than just coming out to a friend.

Merlin shook his head, the grin suddenly gone. “I don’t…not now. Please?”

Arthur shrugged. “Yeah, sure.”

Merlin relaxed again and looked at Arthur shyly. “Can…can I kiss you?”

Arthur stared at Merlin, completely dumbfounded. He hadn’t expected this. Not after Merlin had reacted to everything with such nervousness, embarrassment and, if Arthur thought about the tears, fear.

Merlin turned so that he was facing Arthur completely and tugged on Arthur’s hand to get Arthur’s attention. “I’m not going to ask again and honestly, I was only asking to be polite.”

Arthur wasn’t sure where Merlin’s confidence was coming from but he wasn’t going to complain as he reached out to pull Merlin closer, pressing their lips together in a quick but gentle kiss.

Merlin smiled when they broke apart, suddenly nervous again. “Let’s finish the film,” he said quietly, curling his body up and resting his head on Arthur’s shoulder. “I don’t think I want to do anything else tonight.”

Arthur pressed a kiss to the top of Merlin’s head before finding the remote and hitting the play button.

“Thanks,” Merlin whispered.

Arthur wanted to know what was bothering Merlin so badly but he knew he couldn’t ask now. He knew that there was so much more behind everything Merlin had hinted at but now was not the time to ask. Arthur barely registered the rest of the film. He’d seen it plenty of times before and didn’t particularly mind letting his thoughts wander. He kept a hold on Merlin’s hand, liking the way Merlin’s body pressed against his.

When the credits started to roll, Arthur asked, “Do you want to go up to my room? I need to get ready for bed.”

Merlin hesitated for a moment before nodding into Arthur’s shoulder. “Do you want me to sleep on the couch again?”

Arthur frowned. “Do you want to? I mean, I have to wake up early but I promise I’ll be quiet.”

Merlin pulled away and looked Arthur in the face. “No, that’s not what I meant. I’m not…I’m not ready for,” he waved his hand in the general direction of Arthur’s room, “any of that.”

Arthur laughed at what Merlin was hinting towards. “Merlin! I’m not going to…” he burst into laughter again but at the frightened look on Merlin’s face he forced himself to stop and get under control. “No, I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you.”

Merlin looked hurt and embarrassed. “I’m just not ready.”

“It’s fine. Come on. I’m not going to do anything to hurt you.” He kissed Merlin’s cheek. “I’m serious. I won’t try anything.”

Merlin smiled sheepishly at the earnest look on Arthur’s face. Of course Arthur wouldn’t hurt him, Merlin chided himself. Arthur was his friend and he cared for him. Arthur wasn’t Ian. “I’m sorry.”

“Shut up,” Arthur scolded happily, getting up and pulling Merlin to his feet. He knew there was something Merlin wasn’t telling him but now was not the time to ask. This was all too new and nothing was clearly defined. They could figure it out later. But right now, Arthur decided, they were going to go to sleep. Long talks about whatever was bothering Merlin could wait until later. 


	7. Chapter 7

Merlin woke well after Arthur had left to work at his father’s legal firm. He stretched out in the bed and smiled to himself as he thought over the previous night. It had been frightening for him in so many ways and the fear of rejection was still there for him but Arthur had been kind, much kinder than Merlin had ever expected Arthur to be. Merlin got out of bed and started going through his clothes to find something to wear as he thought over how Arthur had just let him sleep and hadn’t even tried to touch him. Merlin had half-hoped Arthur would curl around him like they had done in Ealdor but it seemed Arthur had taken Merlin seriously when he said he wasn’t ready for anything.

Selecting an old pair of dark washed jeans and a dark blue t-shirt, Merlin went to shower. When he finished, he headed down to the kitchen to find Morgana eating breakfast and playing on her mobile.

“Hello, Merlin,” Morgana said, her light eyes sparkling. “I haven’t seen much of you since we went to Camden.”

Merlin smiled and took one of the muffins that were on the table. He liked Morgana but that didn’t mean he was sure of what to say around her. His thoughts were still on Arthur and his feelings for her foster brother were something he didn't want to discuss with Morgana, no matter how much he liked her. Instead, he asked, “Is Gwen here?”

“She’s changing now. We’re going to visit our friend Vivian again.” She looked at her mobile and then sent a quick text. “You can come.”

Merlin shook his head. “That’s okay.”

“Arthur won’t be back for lunch today and Gwaine isn’t here,” Morgana warned. “You're welcome with us.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll find something.” There were a few things he wanted to do in London that he was embarrassed to admit to his new friends. The other day at the National Gallery had reminded Merlin how much he liked history and he wanted to go to the British Museum. He thought that Arthur would make fun of him if he asked to go on the weekend and after all of Gwen’s teasing the day before, he doubted she would enjoy it. A day to himself wouldn’t be so bad either, he thought. It would let him think about the events of the past few days and he always thought best when he was walking or moving.

Morgana's forehead winked in concern. “Are you alright?”

“Sorry, just thinking,” Merlin replied, taking a bite of his muffin. He offered Morgana a smile and poured himself a glass of orange juice. “Morning!” he said, glad for the distraction when Gwen walked into the room wearing a light pink summer dress. “You look lovely.”

“Thanks.” Gwen smiled and snatched a muffin off the table, eating it quickly. “Are you coming with us?”

“He’s going to find something else to do,” Morgana answered. “Boy things.” She grinned at Merlin to show she meant no harm.

Gwen chuckled and finished her muffin, leaving the wrapper on Morgana's dirty plate. “I don’t blame you, Merlin.”

Morgana rolled her eyes and got to her feet. “Margaret will be here until half five so she can let you back in. I think Arthur will probably be back around six or seven but if you need to get in and no one is here, just text me.”

Merlin nodded. “Have fun!”

The girls smiled at him and left calling, “Bye, Merlin!” as they walked out the front door.

Merlin smiled to himself and leisurely finished his breakfast. He took his and Morgana’s dishes into the kitchen where Margaret just shook her head and told him he didn’t need to worry about those kinds of things.

“My mum would kill me if she thought I left messes,” Merlin admitted to Margaret but he was blushing.

“You’re a good boy,” Margaret replied, smiling indulgently. “Go on, I’m sure you’ve better things to do than to stay and wash up.”

Still blushing, Merlin hurried from the kitchen and went to find his wallet and mobile phone. He used Arthur’s laptop to find the best way to the British Museum and decided that he would just take the Tubew. It was only a few kilometres and while Merlin loved to explore by walking, he knew he would probably get lost. He wanted to spend as much time as possible in the museum. Smiling to himself, he left the Pendragon home and headed to the nearest Tube station, Arthur's spare Oyster card in his pocket.

****

Merlin spent hours exploring the museum. He knew that he would not be able to see everything in one visit but as he wandered through the rooms, he felt overwhelmed by the sheer number of cultural objects on display. Cultures from the past and present fascinated him but he wasn’t sure what he could do with that kind of interest so he just fantasised about being an explorer and visiting foreign places. His mum always teased him about his interests but his uncle watched him and would remind Merlin about his desire to be a doctor. Merlin never protested, he knew he wanted to help people and after everything he knew about his father’s illness (despite not quite forgiving his father for being ill and dying) he wanted to work somewhere in the health field. The only way he knew to do that was to either be a nurse or a doctor and he didn’t particularly want to be running errands for doctors (as he incorrectly imagined nurses did).

It was close to three in the afternoon when Merlin got a text from Gwaine asking if he wanted to go for a late lunch with him and Lance. Merlin bit his lip, trying to think of a good excuse. While he knew Arthur would probably tease him for going to a museum on his own, Gwaine would be merciless and jokingly tell everyone that Merlin was a bootlicker. It would all be in fun but Merlin didn’t want everyone to know how weird he was or how much he actually liked to learn new things. He already got teased and ostracised at school for being at the top of his class…and for other things, he reminded himself but resolved not to think about _that_.

Taking a deep breath Merlin texted,  _I ate already._

It wasn’t true. He hadn’t actually eaten anything for lunch but he was so excited to have the day to himself in the museum that he didn’t feel hungry. Currently, he was staring at the Rosetta Stone and enjoying the rush of adrenaline as he thought about the excitement it had caused when people realised what it was. A few years ago, he had been fascinated by archaeology but had since decided that it wasn’t for him. As much as he was fascinated by learning about the past, he was more interested in talking to, and learning from, the living.

His mobile buzzed in his pocket and he almost groaned when he read Gwaine’s text.  _You can eat again, Skeletor. Meet us at PC in 20._

_See you_ , Merlin wrote back and sighed. He wanted to stay to look around the museum but he reminded himself that he had come to London to see his friends. The British Museum would be here tomorrow but Gwaine and Lance probably wouldn’t be his friends when they started uni so he ought to enjoy the feeling of having friends now.

The thought was a depressing one but Merlin tried not to dwell. Thinking about it made him wonder about Arthur and he didn’t want to think too much about what the future held for himself and Arthur. 

_Nothing, probably,_  he thought miserably as he walked out of the museum. Suddenly he wished it was Will he was going to meet and not Gwaine and Lance. Will could be abrasive but at least he could talk to Will without worrying what he thought. Merlin knew where he stood with Will and while it was clear that Gwaine and Lance enjoyed his company, Merlin also knew they came from very different worlds.

Merlin hurried to the Tube station. He assumed PC stood for Piccadilly Circus and quickly looked over the underground map to make sure he knew how to get there. He would be late but Gwaine and Lance would wait him. Grinning, Merlin could already hear Gwaine scolding him for taking his sweet time and could see Lance’s smile, letting Merlin know it was all right that he was late.

He was nearly fifteen minutes late and as he had expected, Gwaine just laughed at him, told him he was almost as much of a princess as Arthur, and steered him out of the Tube station to find a kebab stand.

“You know Skeletor isn’t a good comparison, right?” Merlin said as he paid the vendor. “He was actually pretty muscly.”

Gwaine snorted. “I think you just insulted yourself.”

Merlin and Lance both laughed.

“I’ll have you know I’m very attractive even without all those muscles and blue skin.” Merlin grinned sidelong at Gwaine who was shaking his head.

“Mate, that’s what I like about you,” Gwaine said, throwing an arm around Merlin’s shoulder as they walked away with their kebabs. “You’re weird as anything but you’re still cool.”

Merlin looked at Lance. “Is he drunk or something?”

Lance laughed. “No, he’s just talking rubbish as usual.”

Gwaine grinned and released Merlin. “I’m serious, I like you. You’re a good mate, Merlin.”

Merlin felt a blush rising but he knew Gwaine wasn’t talking about the same kind of like as Arthur had the night before. Warmth blossomed in his stomach and he briefly wondered if maybe they would stay friends once Gwaine went to uni after all. “Thanks.”

Gwaine nodded and unwrapped his kebab. “So, what did you do all day that’s better than being around me? I know wanking’s fun but really, Merlin, you should spend some time with us.”

Merlin nearly choked on his kebab from laughing.

“You’re a sick, sick man,” Lance told Gwaine with amusement as he patted Merlin on the back. “C’mon, let’s find somewhere to sit.”

****

At seven that evening, Merlin and Gwaine walked from the Knightsbridge station towards the Pendragon house. Arthur had texted both of them when he’d gotten out of the office and asked if they were back.

“My uncle’s coming tomorrow,” Merlin told Gwaine who asked what Merlin’s plans were for the rest of the week.

“Going to play tourist with him?” 

Merlin shrugged. “Probably a bit, yeah. What are you doing?”

“I’m going back to Dublin on Thursday,” Gwaine answered with a smile. “It’s my mum’s birthday on Saturday.”

“Do you have a reservation already?” Merlin asked. 

Gwaine shrugged. “Yeah, made it before I came to London.” He looked at Merlin curiously. “When’s the last time you went back?”

“Two years ago,” Merlin answered. “Mum and I went for her friend’s wedding.”

“Ever been to Dublin?”

Merlin shook his head. “Unless you count ferry or train stations, I’ve never actually been outside of Northern Ireland or England.”

“Deprived,” Gwaine teased. “I’m always moving.”

“Aren’t you special?” Merlin grinned. He knew that Gwaine had rotated between schools in Ireland and England for most of his life and had travelled the European continent quite extensively with his grandmother during the summer holidays.

“I’ll say hello to the island for you,” Gwaine replied, laughing when Merlin shoved him.

They walked up the path to the house and knocked on the door. After a few minutes, Arthur opened it looking exhausted.

“Took your time about it,” Gwaine grumbled good-naturedly as he walked inside.

Arthur rolled his eyes. “You don’t have to come in. You can always go stay with your sister.”

Gwaine looked at Arthur with mock horror. “You’d throw me out?”

“You should be grateful I let you stay here,” Arthur replied dryly, trying not to smile when Gwaine snorted.

“You’d be bored without me,” Gwaine pointed out.

“I’ve got Merlin.” Arthur shrugged. “He’d entertain me.”

“Oh, I bet he would,” Gwaine said suggestively, raising his eyebrows at Arthur who just smacked him on the shoulder.

“Get your mind out of the gutter,” Arthur admonished. He shrugged an apology at Merlin who only grinned in amusement as he walked towards the stairs and disappeared up into Arthur’s room, saying he needed to ring his uncle.

“Why?” Gwaine demanded when Merlin was out of earshot. “It’s not like you’re making any moves, might as well let my mind wander.”

“That’s…really disturbing,” Arthur muttered, staring at Gwaine.

“What?” Gwaine shrugged. “Oh, come on. I know you want to get him in bed.”

“Shut up,” Arthur hissed. “It’s more than that and…well, we’re not talking about this.”

Gwaine looked pleased with himself. “You told him?”

Arthur shrugged. “I had to spell it out for him.”

Gwaine laughed. “What did you say? Did you ask if you could suck his cock?”

“Gwaine!” Arthur yelped, looking horrified. “Don’t be vulgar. Morgana and Gwen are home.”

“So? They know you like it up…”

Arthur stepped forward threateningly, a steely glint in his eye. “I will kill you if you finish that sentence.”

Gwaine’s eyes danced as he laughed, pushing Arthur away. “Relax. He knows you go to a boy’s school. A  _public_ boy’s school, at that.”

Arthur raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me? I don’t think that has anything to do with…You have some twisted fantasies about what we do in our rooms at night, don’t you?” When Gwaine only cackled, Arthur added, “We have private rooms at Eton.”

“You posh git. I don’t think you’re making the case you think you are.” Gwaine grinned evilly. “Go up there and pretend like Merlin’s the roommate you don’t have at Eton.”

“One, you’re a sick sod,” Arthur informed Gwaine though he couldn't help snickering at the look Gwaine was giving him. “Two, Merlin doesn’t want me to.”

Gwaine frowned. “What do you mean?”

Arthur sighed and looked up the stairs to make sure Merlin was still up in Arthur’s room. “I’m not sure but I think he’s scared.”

“That doesn’t sound like Merlin,” Gwaine replied. “He likes you. What’s he afraid of?”

Arthur shrugged. “I don’t know. I just have a feeling...” He shook his head, not wanting to go into details about how Merlin had cried the night before or how he had shaken when Arthur took his hand before leading him to bed. Arthur hadn’t attempted to kiss Merlin again and had let go of Merlin’s hand. His friend's fear had to be motivated by something in his past and Arthur wanted to know what it was. Merlin seemed almost ashamed of his reactions, almost as though he thought Arthur would be angry with him but it concerned Arthur more than anything.

Gwaine nodded and didn’t ask any more questions about Merlin. “Is there anything to eat? I’m starving.”

****

Merlin went downstairs to find Arthur, Gwaine, Morgana, and Gwen eating the remainder of the Cottage Pie.

“I saved you the last bit,” Gwen said and passed over a steaming plate when Merlin slid into the seat next to her.

“Thanks,” Merlin told her gratefully. The kebab seemed as though it had been a long time ago.

“Hurry up,” Morgana urged, surveying the boys. “I want to have a battle.”

“Morgana,” Arthur groaned. “I have to go to work tomorrow and Agravaine is already threatening to send Father a…”

“Stop complaining, Arthur,” Morgana interrupted coolly. “You sound like Uther and it’s pitiful.”

Arthur glowered at her but said nothing. Instead he angrily tossed his fork on his plate and got up, stamping into the kitchen with his plate.

“Grow up, Arthur,” Morgana snapped as sound of Arthur slamming the dishwasher door closed reached them. “You’re not a child.”

“Morgana,” Arthur began, returning to the dining room, his eyes dark with anger.

“Don’t.” Morgana held up her hand. “Just go to bed or something. We can play without you.”

Arthur cast a furious look around the dining room and stormed out without a word.

Merlin wasn’t sure what to do and couldn’t understand what had made Arthur so angry. He’d never seen Arthur lose his cool like that and was concerned but unsure of whether he should follow.

“Let him be,” Gwen advised, a sympathetic smile on her face as she glanced at Merlin.

Merlin sighed but stayed where he was, hoping he was making the right decision to leave Arthur alone.

“Right,” Morgana said with false cheerfulness. “Let’s start that battle.”

The battle turned out to be a dance off on the Wii. Morgana was apparently obsessed with the  _Just Dance_  games and forced all of them to play. Gwaine seemed to enjoy it the most but he refused to follow the dancing avatar on the television and instead kept trying to dance with Morgana or Gwen when it was their turn.

After an hour of laughing at the absurdity of the situation, as well as dancing a few times himself, Merlin excused himself by saying he was tired and went to find Arthur. He hadn’t said anything but he had felt nervous ever since Arthur had stormed off after fighting with Morgana. He couldn’t understand what had set Arthur off and it scared him to see how quick Arthur was to temper. It couldn’t be a good sign.

“Arthur?” Merlin called, not bothering to knock as he entered Arthur’s room.

“What?” Arthur was lying on his bed, his arms under his head as he stared at the ceiling.

Merlin fidgeted. Arthur still seemed to be upset and Merlin had no idea how to calm him down. He decided not to ask what was bothering him – he’d seen him fight with Morgana after all. “I’m a pretty fantastic dancer.”

Arthur snorted. “I doubt it.”

“I think you’re jealous,” Merlin taunted. He walked over to Arthur’s bed and looked down at him with a grin. “Definitely jealous.”

“I don’t think so,” Arthur retorted, cocking an eyebrow. “You’re too clumsy and last time I checked, tripping didn’t count as dancing.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “I’ll prove it to you.”

“Go on, then,” Arthur dared, lips twitching. “Show me what you learned.”

Merlin grinned and started going through some of the motions he remembered from the  _Just Dance_ avatar. He smiled to himself when Arthur roared with laughter. “Told you; I’m pretty amazing.”

Arthur laughed and got up, reaching for Merlin. “C’mere.”

Merlin bit his lip nervously but he went over and let Arthur pull him into a hug. “Want to dance?” he asked and was pleased when he felt the rumble of Arthur’s laugh against his chest.

“You idiot,” Arthur muttered fondly, kissing Merlin’s cheek.

Merlin smiled and pulled back to look into Arthur’s eyes. “You alright?”

Arthur nodded. “Yeah.”

“You missed a good game,” Merlin said, pulling out of Arthur’s embrace. He could sense that Arthur didn’t want to talk about what happened. “Gwaine danced on Morgana.”

Arthur grinned. “Did she hit him?”

“No,” Merlin replied, “I think she knew it would encourage him.”

Arthur chuckled. “Are you tired?”

“Not really,” Merlin answered with a shrug.

Arthur nodded, looking disappointed. “I’m…I know I’m not much fun to be around.”

“It’s okay, it’s still better than the flower shop.” Merlin didn’t really mind that Arthur was busy. He’d had fun exploring the museum and thought that he might return before Gaius arrived the next day. When he’d rung Gaius back, he’d learned that his great-uncle wasn’t arriving until late afternoon.

“Thanks,” Arthur said dryly.

“Stop fishing for compliments,” Merlin scolded lightly. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be.”

“Yeah,” Arthur said though he didn't look convinced. He went over to his dresser and pulled out a pair of pyjama bottoms. “I need to sleep.”

“I’ll lie down with you,” Merlin offered, retrieving his own pyjamas. He pulled off his clothes without thinking about it, jumping when he felt Arthur touch his back.

“It’s okay,” Arthur said gently, dropping his hand from the bare skin of Merlin’s back.

Merlin elbowed Arthur playfully before pulling his pyjama shirt on and shooing Arthur away to change. “Give me some warning next time.”

Arthur smiled self-consciously as Merlin watched him change into his pyjamas. He almost asked Merlin to turn around as he changed but he had noticed that Merlin averted his eyes when Arthur pulled his boxers off.

“I’m going to brush my teeth,” Merlin said awkwardly, excusing himself to Arthur’s bathroom.

Arthur sighed as Merlin left. It had only been a few days ago that Merlin teased him about Arthur not having anything Merlin hadn’t seen before. What had changed? Merlin was skittish now that Arthur had admitted to having feelings for him. Did he think Arthur was going to take advantage of him? The thought made Arthur feel sick. He might be a bit of a sex keen teenager, as his father so charmingly put it, but he would never pressure anyone into doing anything with him.

When Merlin came back, Arthur went to brush his own teeth and continued to think about the best way to broach the topic. It seemed as though Merlin was scared of intimacy. Arthur doubted he’d been Merlin’s first kiss but he knew Merlin was a virgin. He’d thought before that Merlin might have slept with Will but he knew now that Will was straight and from what Merlin said, they viewed each other as the brothers they’d never had.

“Hey,” Arthur said, walking back into his room and seeing Merlin curled up on his bed. “Suddenly tired?”

Merlin stuck his tongue out, making Arthur roll his eyes. “Might as well try and sleep.”

Arthur shrugged and turned off the light before sliding into his bed next to Merlin. “When does Gaius get here?”

“Tomorrow afternoon,” Merlin answered, snuggling down in the blankets and turning his back to Arthur, though he scooted closer.

“You’re staying here though, right?” Arthur asked in what he hoped was a casual manner but he knew his voice waivered slightly. He really didn’t want Merlin to leave before they could sort this out. It would probably be their only chance to talk in person until Arthur returned to Eton for his final year and Arthur really didn’t want to wait until he had a free day during the school year. He refused to talk about how he felt about Merlin over the phone or through emails or IMs without first doing so in person.

“Yeah,” Merlin answered, yawning. It seemed he was more tired than he’d originally thought. “My stuff’s here.”

Arthur smiled and hesitated for a moment, his mouth dry, before he reached out and touched Merlin’s side. When Merlin didn’t pull away, or make any indication to encourage Arthur further, Arthur slid a little closer so that his breath ghosted against Merlin’s neck.

Merlin swallowed, his stomach tying itself in knots. He wanted so badly to turn around and kiss Arthur on the mouth but he was scared. In his mind he knew that Arthur was interested in him but logic wasn’t winning this battle and he still feared he would lose Arthur’s friendship if he tried anything. Instead he contented himself with shifting slightly backwards and letting Arthur’s hand slide from his side down across his stomach.

“Good night,” Merlin whispered, shifting his arm so that his hand touched Arthur’s wrist.

Arthur smiled and moved so that he could hold Merlin’s hand while falling asleep.

Merlin squeezed his eyes tightly shut, willing himself to sleep so that he could stop obsessing over what all of this meant for his and Arthur’s friendship. It didn’t work, however, and he was left staring into the darkness of the room for the better part of the night. Too afraid to move lest he wake Arthur and have to have the awkward conversation he knew they were both skirting around. 


	8. Chapter 8

After spending all of the morning and the majority of his afternoon wandering around the British Museum, Merlin went to meet his great-uncle at Gaius’s friend Geoffrey’s flat. It was close to six in the evening when Merlin finally arrived and he felt a pang of guilt for not being able to spend the evening with Arthur. Gaius had promised that he would take Merlin back to Arthur’s family's house after dinner but Merlin worried that Arthur would be asleep or in another one of those bad moods that he seemed to have every day after working with Agravaine. Arthur refused to talk about what Agravaine was having him do that was making Arthur so upset but Merlin assumed that it had something to do with Arthur not being included or taught more about how the current cases were being handled. For all that Arthur was expected to go to Oxford and read law, Merlin knew that Arthur actually wanted to; it wasn’t something he was doing solely to please his father. 

Merlin pressed the button to what he hoped was the correct flat. When an unfamiliar male voice asked, “Yes?” Merlin said, “Hi, er…this is Gaius’s nephew.”

“Come up,” said the voice Merlin assumed belonged to Geoffrey and he was buzzed in.

Merlin hurried inside and up to the flat number Gaius had given him. He hoped that he wouldn’t have to stay and visit for too long because he did want to get back and see Arthur. Arthur had told him to have fun but Merlin thought Arthur was slightly miffed that he was spending time with his uncle in London when he lived with Gaius in Ealdor and would see him again in less than a week.

“Come in, my boy,” said a white bearded man dressed in a dark blue shirt when Merlin knocked on the door. 

“Are you hungry, Merlin?” Gaius asked, pulling his great-nephew into a hug when he walked in the door.

Merlin grinned. “I’ve only been gone a few days.”

“The hug is from your mother,” Gaius replied, a smile tugging at his lips. “She wanted me to make sure you’re all in one piece.”

“Are you hungry?” Geoffrey asked, repeating Gaius’s question. “We were thinking of going to the Italian restaurant just around the corner.” He looked at Gaius who was raising an eyebrow at Merlin’s clothes as though asking if they were appropriate and added, “It’s very casual.”

“Sure,” Merlin answered, grinning cheekily at his uncle. He knew he didn’t own the nicest things, most of his jeans were old and his shirts were rather faded but Merlin didn’t want his mother spending money on new clothes. It would be expensive enough for him to attend uni and live away from home. 

Realising that he hadn’t introduced them properly Gaius quickly performed the introductions and then he and Geoffrey disappeared into two different rooms to get ready for dinner. 

As they changed, Merlin looked around Geoffrey’s living room, curious about all of the strange artefacts that were hung on walls or sat on shelves. He was inspecting a rectangular piece of bright yellow fabric with a blue and green leaf design on it, trying to figure out which language was written at the bottom. Merlin thought it was slightly out of place hung on the wall of an elderly man’s flat where the majority of the colour scheme was black and brown, but he liked the somewhat organised chaos and the fact that nothing matched. He wondered how Geoffrey had accumulated all of these things.  

“That’s a kanga,” Geoffrey informed him, coming to stand next to Merlin. “I used to work in the archives at Cambridge University’s library and when I retired, one of the students, a young woman named Zawadi, gave it to me as a gift.”

“Do you know what it says?” Merlin asked, pointing to the words in a language he didn’t recognise.  

“If I remember correctly, it means something like, ‘Gossipers will never stop, don’t pay them any attention’. I could be wrong,” Geoffrey added. “Swahili was never a language I studied. My specialty was British history but I dabbled in other social sciences.”

“I like it,” Merlin said, reaching out to touch the kanga and the Swahili words before remembering that it was art, it wasn’t something he was supposed to put his fingers all over.

“You can touch it,” Geoffrey offered, sounding amused. “It’s fabric. Zawadi used to wear it as a skirt.” 

Merlin looked back at the kanga curiously. “It’s clothing?”

“Well, it serves many purposes from what I understand.” Geoffrey shrugged. “Zawadi gave it to me because I was retiring. She knew my wife had admired it and she said she didn’t need the reminder anymore. She wanted to give it to someone else who may like the meaning.” 

“What do you mean?” Merlin asked, confused. He knew Geoffrey’s wife had died a few years before, Merlin remembered Gaius going to the funeral, but he didn’t understand what he meant about the fabric.

“Zawadi was from Tanzania,” Geoffrey clarified. “I think unkind words were occasionally directed at her because she was an immigrant. She said the kanga reminded her to ignore them, that people will always spread rumours.” 

“That’s terrible,” Merlin said angrily, his heart going out to a girl he had never met.  

“There are lots of prejudices in the world,” Gaius informed him from behind, making Merlin jump and wonder how much of the conversation his great-uncle had heard. “The trick is to do what that fabric says; don’t pay the gossips or bigots any attention. Just live your life.”

Merlin swallowed and nodded, trying not to think about how much his uncle knew or guessed about what had happened with Ian. Will had said that Hunith knew Merlin was gay, which made Merlin think his uncle might know as well, but he didn’t want to think that his uncle and mother knew just how cruel some of his classmates were. He desperately hoped they were ignorant of those facts. 

As though realising Merlin was suddenly uncomfortable, Gaius suggested they leave for the restaurant and didn’t say another word about the kanga or prejudices.  

****

 When their meals arrived, Geoffrey asked Merlin what it was he was hoping to study at university. 

“He’s to be a doctor,” Gaius said proudly, smiling at Merlin who ducked his head to hide a blush. Gaius rarely showed how much he loved his great-nephew and it pleased Merlin to see the pride in his eyes. 

“Do you like medicine?” Geoffrey asked, cutting his lasagne into small pieces before taking a bite. 

“I don’t know, really,” Merlin admitted. “I like science and I want to help people. I think I’ll like medicine.”

“What’s your favourite subject?” Geoffrey was looking at Merlin curiously, as if he couldn’t figure something out and wanted to know why.

“History,” Merlin said automatically and then added quickly, “but I really like biology as well.”

“Oh, Geoffrey,” Gaius admonished, looking amused, “stop trying to turn the boy into an anthropologist.”

“I don’t know what an anthropologist is,” Merlin informed his uncle with a shrug. “I don’t want to do archaeology. They’re similar, yeah?”

Geoffrey looked conflicted. “Sort of. In America they’re in the same department but they’re separate here.”

Gaius shook his head. “Geoffrey, give the boy a break. He hasn’t finished college yet but he wants to be a doctor. Let him be.” To Merlin Gaius said, “Geoffrey worked mainly for the anthropology department when he was in the archives at Cambridge. He loves the subject but never studied it himself.” 

“I like the idea of being a doctor but I’ll look anthropology up online,” Merlin said, wanting to please both men. “Maybe I can take a course when I go to uni.”

Geoffrey looked delighted but Gaius turned pensive and Merlin couldn’t understand why.  

“You’ll make the switch, I promise you,” Geoffrey informed him, flashing a grin at Gaius. “It’s a fascinating discipline.” 

Gaius smiled at his old friend. “Merlin will find what he likes at uni. I think right now he should focus on college.”

Merlin took that as the hint it was and changed the subject, asking Geoffrey instead for stories about how he’d met Gaius nearly forty years before.  

After dinner, the three of them returned to Geoffrey’s flat where Gaius collected his car keys and told Merlin he would take him back to Arthur’s. Merlin had texted Arthur to tell him he was coming back but hadn’t received a response. 

“Do you want to ring him before we leave?” Gaius asked, frowning. “I don’t want you to wake up the whole house if everyone’s gone to bed.” 

“It’s only nine-thirty,” Merlin protested. “Someone will still be awake.” At Gaius’s stern look Merlin sighed his defeat and said, “Fine.” before pulling out his mobile and phoning Gwen. 

Gwen answered and told Merlin that both she and Morgana were at the house and would let him in when he got back. She said Arthur was currently in the shower and that Gwaine had gone to his sister’s for the night because he was leaving for Dublin the following morning. However, she and Morgana were going to stay up late to watch a film so he could take his time and then join them if he wanted.  

“Let’s go,” Merlin said, putting his mobile in his pocket after ending the call. “Gwen and Morgana are home.” He was itching to get back to the Pendragon’s, hoping that he would be able to catch Arthur before he went to sleep. He wanted to know if Arthur knew anything about anthropology and if Merlin could use his laptop to look it up. When Gaius had gone to the toilet, Geoffrey had told Merlin a little more about the subject and Merlin thought it might be something he would like. Especially after Geoffrey mentioned something called ‘medical anthropology’. Merlin wasn’t completely sold on studying medicine; he was mainly doing the required A-Levels to please Gaius and his mother, so he was open to advice on other courses of study. 

“Be polite,” Gaius muttered, nodding towards where Geoffrey was sitting on the couch with that day’s newspaper. 

Merlin smiled apologetically at his uncle and went to thank Geoffrey for dinner. 

“Any time,” Geoffrey said, waving off Merlin’s thanks. “It was nice meeting you.”

“You too,” Merlin answered. 

“Tomorrow, Gaius and I are visiting a friend who works at the London Library. Would you like to join us?”

Merlin looked at Gaius who was nodding encouragingly, letting Merlin know that it was his choice either way. Merlin turned back to Geoffrey and smiled. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Splendid. See you tomorrow.” Geoffrey nodded once to Merlin and turned back to his newspaper. 

Gaius led Merlin out of the building and towards where he’d parked his car. “You do know how to get back to Arthur’s?” 

Merlin nodded. “I think so.” He dug his mobile out and scrolled for a minute. “I have the address, too!” 

Gaius chuckled and started the car. “Hopefully we won’t be too lost. I don’t know London very well.”

“I can always ring Gwen if we need help,” Merlin replied, smiling at his uncle as they turned down the street.

“You seem happy here,” Gaius commented. “You’ve made friends.”

“They’re Arthur’s friends,” Merlin argued. “I like them, though.”

He didn’t want to admit how much he would miss everyone when he returned to Ealdor on Monday. Will would still be in America and there was no one else his age that he could spend time with. After everything had happened with Ian, Merlin stopped trying to talk to his classmates and they tended to be friendly enough in classes but otherwise ignored him. He knew it was partly his fault, he hadn’t made the effort and now it was too late, but he had Will and that had been enough for him for a while. Now that Will was moving to Brighton to attend the University of Sussex, Merlin would be on his own at Ealdor College. Arthur, Lance, and Leon would be at Eton but Merlin only saw them about once a month, sometimes less depending on when Arthur was free.  

“It’s good for you to be with people your own age,” Gaius said, oblivious to Merlin’s silent thoughts.  

“I have Will,” Merlin protested. 

“He’ll be gone in a few weeks,” Gaius replied, looking at Merlin out of the corner of his eye.  

Merlin nodded. “I know.” He shrugged. “Maybe I can visit him. I’ve never been to Brighton.” 

Gaius sighed. “Maybe.”

Merlin looked out the window, pleased that he vaguely knew where they were and that they were only fifteen minutes from Arthur’s house.  

“I saw Ian and his mum the other day,” Gaius said, interrupting the silence. 

Merlin started. “Oh.”

“He asked where you were,” Gaius continued. “Why don’t you see him anymore? You used to be close.”

“That was a few years ago,” Merlin muttered. 

“I know,” Gaius replied, raising his eyebrow in the way that made Merlin suspect Gaius knew more than he was letting on. “I still don’t understand what happened. His mum said to tell you hello.”  

“We just don’t get on anymore.” Merlin fidgeted nervously. He’d like Ian’s parents. Both his mum and dad had always been nice to Merlin when he’d spent time with Ian and his group at Ian’s house. 

“Don’t you think it might be time to let that go?” Gaius pressed. “It wouldn’t hurt for you to have friends in Ealdor.” 

“He doesn’t want to be my friend anymore,” Merlin said thickly, willing himself not to get too upset as the memories came back to him. 

Gaius sighed. “I know you had a falling out over the teasing but honestly, my boy, it’s time to get over it. Your accent isn’t as pronounced and you’re both nearly adults. You should apologise.”

Merlin hated himself for the lie. When he’d been sent home from school with a split lip and a few other bruises, he’d told his mother and Gaius that he’d gotten in a fight with Ian over Ian teasing him about being Irish. It was nowhere close to the truth but as no one other than Ian had been there, and Ian wasn’t about to tell the headmaster the real reason he and Merlin had gotten into a fight behind the science block, he’d gone along with Merlin’s lie. Ian had then proceeded to spread rumours through the school that resulted in quite a few of the other boys avoiding Merlin. 

Merlin hadn’t cared, he just didn’t want his mother and Gaius to know what had really happened. Merlin had told Will after Will confronted him and told him to cut the crap and tell him the truth about the fight with Ian, but he’d sworn Will to secrecy. He didn’t want his mother and Gaius to know what happened at school and while he knew they guessed that things weren’t always easy for him, he continued to bring home top marks and they didn’t ask any questions.  

“Merlin,” Gaius said reprovingly. “Think about it. I know Arthur’s your friend but he’s at Eton and you’re both going in to your final years. You’re not likely to see him very often.”

Merlin knew Gaius wasn’t adding that he doubted Merlin and Arthur would be able to continue this friendship for much longer. It hurt more than Merlin wanted to admit that Gaius and his mother both thought Arthur would abandon Merlin when he left for uni and found the kind of friends that were more ‘appropriate to Arthur’s status’ as Will had once snidely remarked. Merlin wanted to argue that Arthur was his friend while he was at poncy Eton, so why couldn’t they remain friends when Arthur was at Oxford? He couldn’t help it, his family’s doubt that they could stay friends  _hurt_. 

“I’m not apologising for being Irish,” Merlin said sulkily, going back to the original conversation about Ian. 

“Nor should you,” Gaius replied in a way that made Merlin wonder just how much his great-uncle guessed about what had truly occurred. “I just think it’s time to put your differences behind you.”

Merlin nodded and said nothing more. He couldn’t admit to Gaius that it was highly unlikely that he would be able to rekindle a friendship with Ian even if he wanted to. Merlin had no desire to ever spend time with Ian again. However, explaining that to Gaius would mean he’d have to admit to a lot of things he wasn’t ready to tell his family.  

After a few minutes, Merlin motioned for Gaius to stop. “That’s Arthur’s, up on the left.”  

Gaius pulled over on the road to let Merlin walk the rest of the way. “We’ll pick you up tomorrow after lunch.” 

“Thanks, Gaius,” Merlin said, getting out of the car. “See you tomorrow.” 

“Phone your mother,” Gaius called to him out of the window. “She misses you.”

Merlin laughed. “I’ll ring her in the morning. It’s only been a few days!”

Gaius waved once and drove off as Merlin walked up the drive to the Pendragon home where he was let in by Morgana. He shook his head at her invitation to watch a French film he’d never heard of and went upstairs to Arthur’s room, hoping Arthur would still be awake. 

When he pushed open the door, Merlin found that the lights were off and Arthur was fast asleep in the middle of his bed. Merlin snorted and grabbed a change of clothes, heading to the bathroom to shower. When he’d finished getting ready for bed, he tried shoving Arthur over so that he would have a place to sleep. However, Arthur just stretched out so that he was starfished across the whole bed and Merlin decided to steal a pillow and sleep on the floor. Arthur’s rug was soft enough and it was a warm enough night that he didn’t bother trying to steal the duvet. He knew he could have woken Arthur or curled up so that their bodies were pressed against each other but he was worried at Arthur’s reaction and willed himself to fall asleep, without a blanket, on Arthur’s floor. 

**** 

The next morning, Merlin woke to Arthur nudging him with a bare foot and ordering him to wake up and get in the bed.  

“You idiot,” Arthur grumbled, pulling Merlin to his feet when he saw Merlin’s eyes were open. “Lie down and sleep where it’s comfortable.” 

“I was comfortable,” Merlin argued sleepily, trying unsuccessfully to shrug Arthur off.  

“Shut up,” Arthur scolded gently, pushing Merlin onto the bed and throwing a blanket over him. “Go to sleep. I’ve got to get ready.”

Merlin nestled into Arthur’s blankets, smiling as he found the patch of warmth Arthur had just vacated. He could smell Arthur’s shampoo on the pillows and was just drifting off to sleep when he felt a kiss pressed to his forehead and heard Arthur murmur, “I’ll see you later” before the door to the bedroom closed and Arthur was gone. 

**** 

Merlin spent both Thursday and Friday with Gaius and Geoffrey at the London Library browsing the shelves and reading books on travel, philosophy, and anything else that looked interesting. Gaius had teased him when he found Merlin reading Sartre’s “No Exit” but Merlin had quoted seriously, “Hell is other people” and Gaius had left him to it, telling Merlin to avoid Nietzsche and not to fall into nihilism before the day was over as they had tickets to a comedy show. 

On Saturday morning, Merlin woke at ten in the morning to find Arthur looking through the stack of books he had checked out from the London Library or borrowed from Geoffrey. 

“‘The Anthropology of Franz Boas’?” Arthur asked, raising an eyebrow at Merlin who was now blushing. “What’s all this, then?” He sorted through a few other books and either nodded or frowned when he recognised one of them. “Becoming a scholar now, are you?”

“Gaius’s friend Geoffrey told me I should look in to anthropology,” Merlin muttered. “I was just reading through some of those to see if I like it.”

Arthur shrugged and opened one of the books. “I didn’t know you were interested in humanities or social sciences,” Arthur said, more to himself than to Merlin. “I thought you wanted to do medicine.” He got up and went over to his bookshelf and pulled down a few thin volumes. “You may like those.”

“These are philosophy,” Merlin accused, reading the blurbs on the backs of the books. “Why do you have them?”

Arthur looked amused. “I’m going to Oxford for law.” When Merlin still looked confused Arthur snickered. “I have to read those. What kind of person hoping to read law hasn’t read Moore, Aristotle or Plato?” 

“I’m not going to read law, Arthur; especially not at Oxford!”

Arthur shrugged. “It’ll improve your mind.”

“You’re such a prat,” Merlin grumbled, rolling his eyes before looking through the books. They seemed to be well worn and Merlin wondered how many times they had been read. He and Arthur never discussed school but Merlin was curious and asked, “Did you read these at Eton?”

“Yes,” Arthur answered quietly, “but I’d read them before. My father gave them to me when I was thirteen.”

“They must have been quite a lot to take in,” Merlin said, surprised. When he was thirteen he'd been reading ‘Harry Potter’ and ‘Discworld’, not books about ethics or the perfect society. 

“My mind works that way,” Arthur answered, shrugging again.

Merlin hit him with a pillow. “Could you head be any farther up your arse?”

Arthur grinned evilly and launched himself at Merlin, pinning the slender, dark-haired youth to the bed. As Merlin writhed beneath him, trying to shove Arthur off, Arthur said conversationally, “You know, I don’t think being well educated makes me conceited.”

“Get off, you clotpole!” Merlin yelped, though he was laughing at the smirk on Arthur’s face.

“What’ll you do if I don’t?” Arthur asked sweetly. “I don’t think you’re in a position to be making demands.”

Merlin snorted and stopped fighting, half-smiling at Arthur. “Feel good bullying someone smaller than you?”

“Who’s bullying?” Arthur asked, grinning crookedly down at Merlin. “I seem to remember someone else starting this whole thing.”

Merlin rolled his eyes and tried half-heartedly to shake Arthur off again. “Fine, you win.”

Arthur grinned delightedly. “Do I get a prize?”

“Like what?” Merlin asked, raising an eyebrow sceptically. 

Arthur’s eyes flicked to Merlin’s mouth and then back up to Merlin’s eyes, his expression wanting but soft. “Can I kiss you?”

Merlin licked his lips and found that he couldn’t look away from Arthur’s face. He knew he could say no and Arthur wouldn’t be upset with him, wouldn’t ask him again or be angry. It surprised him how much he wanted Arthur to kiss him again and he nodded. “Yeah.”

Arthur smiled at Merlin in a way Merlin had never seen and he knew it was a very private, almost shy smile that was reserved specifically for Merlin. “Good,” he whispered, and leaned forward.

Arthur’s lips were soft and his mouth was warm as it slid over Merlin’s. Merlin felt his eyes shut as if of their own accord and he opened his mouth slightly under Arthur’s gentle probing. Arthur’s hands let go of Merlin’s wrists and one came up to cup Merlin’s jaw as the other slid itself under Merlin’s neck and pulled him gently up on the bed so that he and Arthur were in more of a sitting position. Merlin braced himself on the bed so that he could lean forward and meet Arthur at a better angle. He kissed Arthur hard and felt himself pulled almost into Arthur’s lap when he realised– 

Merlin gasped and pulled away when he felt the hardness in Arthur’s jeans press against his thigh. “I’m not…”

“Shh,” Arthur said, brushing his thumb against Merlin’s cheek before drawing back. “You alright?”

Merlin barely registered that Arthur was panting slightly because he was embarrassed to find that he had grown hard as well and that the front of his pyjama shorts had a very obvious tent. He looked up at Arthur and Arthur smiled at him before kissing Merlin softly on the cheek. 

“I’m sorry,” Merlin whispered, not meeting Arthur’s eyes.

Arthur pulled back and raised his eyebrows. “For what?” He sighed when Merlin looked away. “Hey, I like you; I’m not just trying to get in your pants.” He looked down at his jeans and tried to will his erection away by thinking about his father on the couple's cruise. “C’mon, I told Lance we’d meet him for lunch and you still need to change and do whatever it is you do that takes you forever to get ready.”

“I’m not a girl!” Merlin protested. “I don’t need to put on makeup or shave my legs.”

Arthur snorted. “I should hope not.” He looked Merlin up and down and commented, “Though you might not look bad with eyeliner.”

Merlin stared at him. “What?”

“Well, you already wear those dark colours and that leather cuff, eyeliner’s the next logical step,” Arthur replied with a shrug. 

“I’m not emo,” Merlin snapped, trying not to laugh as he got up and started to change into jeans and a Radiohead t-shirt. 

“I just said it wouldn’t look bad,” Arthur argued, grinning at the disbelieving look on Merlin’s face. 

“You’re delusional if you think I’m giving you one more reason to call me a girl or some kind of nancy boy,” Merlin retorted.

Arthur stared for a moment before bursting into laughter. “Merlin, you’re truly strange.” He grinned. “I’ve not called you a nancy boy before and I don't plan to. It’s not very nice, is it?”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “I’m hungry; can I have breakfast before we meet Lance?”

****

That evening, Merlin and Arthur were alone in the house watching  _The Avengers_  on the telly in comfortable silence. They’d spent the majority of the day at Lance’s playing video games before returning to Arthur’s house for dinner and then playing the Wii with Morgana and Gwen. Merlin had been surprised at how much Arthur seemed to enjoy the _Just Dance_  game. At first Merlin had thought Arthur was just taking the piss but had then realised that Arthur simply couldn’t stand to be bad at anything and was intent on getting the highest score. 

After an hour of playing, Morgana had told them that she was going to meet up with Cenred and Gwen had gone home to spend time with her brother.  
  
The film was drawing to a close when Morgana stormed into the house, a furious look on her face as she walked towards her room. 

“Bloody hell,” Arthur muttered, jumping to his feet in seconds, his arms around Morgana before she could go into her room and start throwing things. He knew that look on her face better than anyone and he didn’t want her to do anything she would later regret.

“Let go of me, Arthur!” Morgana spat, trying to push her foster brother away. 

“No,” Arthur said firmly, trying to make Morgana meet his eyes. He could tell that she was livid and tears were threatening to spill down her cheeks. “What happened? Did Cenred hurt you?”

Morgana stopped fighting him but turned her face to give him a withering look. “He broke it off.” She wrenched out of his grip and let out a harsh laugh, crossing her arms protectively over her chest. “So, no, he didn’t hurt me, he’s just a selfish prick and I wasted my time on him. Go on; tell me you told me so.”

Arthur winced and took a step forward to pull her into an awkward but gentle hug. “I’m sorry,” he said into her hair, forgetting that Merlin was there until he crept quietly from the room and returned a few minutes later with a cup of tea for Morgana.

“Thanks, Merlin,” Morgana mumbled, offering Merlin a watery smile as she took the tea. She nodded once to Arthur and turned to head into her room.

“Don’t break anything, he’s not worth it!” Arthur called after her, laughing when she gave him a two-finger salute and shut her door. To Merlin he said, “She’ll be fine eventually." He sighed. "Shall we go upstairs? We can watch something on my laptop; I don’t want to keep her up with the telly.”

Merlin shrugged but followed Arthur upstairs after he’d shut the television off and turned off the lights. They were just settling on Arthur’s bed to find something to watch on the internet when Merlin asked, “Do you think it’s a good thing that Morgana and Cenred are done?”

Arthur nodded. “He wasn’t good for her. They’re not going to the same uni, either so it would have ended eventually.”

Merlin felt his stomach drop and shifted away from Arthur. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

Arthur frowned at Merlin’s tone. “What’s wrong?” He put his hand on Merlin’s shoulder and tried to pull him close. When Merlin pulled away from him, Arthur’s frown deepened. “Merlin?”

“What are we doing, Arthur?” Merlin asked quietly, looking over his shoulder at Arthur, his eyes tired. “I mean, what is this?”

Arthur didn’t pretend not to understand. “I like you.”

“But it’s not going to work, is it?” Merlin asked quietly. “How can we even stay friends while you’re at Oxford and I’m…well, who knows where I’ll be! It won’t be Oxford and that’s what matters.”

“I don’t care if you’re at Oxford,” Arthur said fiercely. “I’ll visit you, you can come visit me. We’ll still be friends. Good friends, like we are now.”

“But nothing else?” Merlin sighed. “I can’t be your boyfriend, Arthur.”

“Well, it’s a bit unfair of me to ask that of you,” Arthur told him quietly, sounding slightly wistful. “You’re not out to your family and I can’t be as out as I’d like at Eton. It wouldn’t be what either one of us deserves.” He sighed and fell back against his pillows, his arm covering his face as he said softly, “You don’t want me like that anyway.”

Merlin could hear the insecurities in Arthur’s voice and realised that he’d never seen Arthur so uncertain and close to breaking. Merlin didn’t know what to do to offer comfort. The truth was that he was terrified of what Arthur was saying, of the implications of Arthur’s words. Arthur thinking that Merlin didn’t want him let Merlin know that Arthur wanted Merlin as his boyfriend. It was a terrible idea, Merlin knew. It would never work. He bit his lip and swallowed tightly before reaching out to take Arthur’s hand and offer what comfort he could. 

“I’m sorry.”

Arthur looked at Merlin sadly. “I know.”

“It’s not that I don’t want you,” Merlin said quickly, realising that Arthur thought that Merlin didn’t return his feelings. “I just – I just can’t. Not yet. I don’t want to ruin this.”

“It’s fine,” Arthur said, pulling his hand out of Merlin’s. After a few excruciatingly long minutes of silence Arthur mumbled, “I wouldn’t stop being your friend, you know. Even if we didn’t work, I’d still be there for you.”

Merlin shook his head, tears that he refused to let fall burning at the back of his eyes. “You don’t know that.”

“You’re right.” Arthur looked away. “I wish you’d trust me.”

“I do!” Merlin replied and the conviction in his voice surprised even him.

Arthur cocked his head to the side and examined Merlin for a minute before shaking his head. “No, you don’t.”

“Arthur, I trust you,” Merlin argued. 

“Not enough,” Arthur said, chuckling mirthlessly. “Not enough to take that risk.”

It was Merlin’s turn to look away. He hunched his shoulders, trying not to cry or yell or do any other embarrassing action. Arthur seemed to be holding himself together well enough.  

When Merlin didn’t protest again, Arthur said softly, “I thought so.”

Merlin sighed and repeated, “I’m sorry.”

“No,” Arthur replied, his voice sad, “I am. I’m sorry you don’t trust me enough.” He squeezed Merlin’s shoulder and got off the bed. “I’ll make up the guest room. You should sleep there anyway now that Leon and Gwaine are both gone. Let’s go, I’ll help you move your things.”

Merlin nodded jerkily and followed Arthur out of the room with his bag. When they reached the guest room, however, Merlin told Arthur to go away and he closed the door, collapsing onto the unmade bed and wondering if this was the beginning of the end of his friendship with Arthur. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The kanga (sometimes spelled khanga) described here looks very much like one of mine. I couldn't resist adding it in, especially since I find the meaning so important.


	9. Chapter 9

Having gotten in the habit of rising early due to spending time working at his father’s legal firm, Arthur found himself sitting at the dining room table drinking orange juice and eating cereal at six in the morning. He didn’t like waking early, he really preferred sleeping in, but his sleep had been restless and he knew that if he tried to force his body to go back to sleep, he would only dwell on the previous night’s conversation with Merlin. He had no idea how to convince Merlin to give him a chance and he wasn’t even sure if he should. It was obvious there was something lurking behind Merlin’s easy, crinkly smile and wicked grin. Arthur wanted to ask but he hated the idea that Merlin may not answer him. Trust was important to him and Merlin didn’t appear to trust him.

Merlin’s friend Will had hinted that something had happened but Will had been so hostile that Arthur hadn’t been interested in asking for more information. He sighed and pushed his cornflakes around in the bowl. If he couldn’t ask Merlin and Merlin wouldn’t tell him, how was Arthur supposed to believe Merlin when he said he trusted Arthur? Arthur considered Merlin to be among his closest friends and though he had difficulties expressing his feelings aloud, he thought Merlin was aware of this information. Merlin was the first person Arthur rang when he had good news and the first person he wanted to talk to when something was wrong. Merlin listened, offered his opinions, and told Arthur to get over himself. As much as he could get on Arthur’s nerves, Merlin was an important part of Arthur’s life and he didn’t want that to end.

Sighing, he snatched up the bowl of his half-eaten cereal, chugged the rest of the orange juice, and walked into the kitchen to deposit the dirty dishes in the kitchen sink. Margaret looked at him in surprise when he brought his bowl in but she said nothing and simply nodded to him.

Arthur offered her a small smile before leaving he room and texting Lance, asking him to go to the park whenever he woke up so that they could practise shooting goals before the pick-up game at ten. He figured Lance probably wouldn’t meet him there until eight or nine but Arthur didn’t care, he didn’t want to wait in the house until Merlin woke up and tried to talk to him. He didn’t want to see Morgana watching them as they danced awkwardly around each other. He especially didn’t want to find out if Merlin was planning on going home a day early due to everything that had happened the night before.

Arthur changed, grabbed his football, and scribbled a quick note to Morgana, telling her that he would be at the park and could use a cheerleader for their game later. He was about to walk out the door when he hesitated. After a moment of indecision, he went back to the notepad and wrote a note to Merlin, pushing it under the door to the guestroom before he left. He felt his stomach clench as he walked out the door, hoping that Merlin would read the note in private or at least notice it before he ran into Morgana. Arthur didn’t think he could handle it if Merlin left without reading the note and Morgana or Margaret found it instead.

****

It was hard for Arthur to rein his temper in as he and Lance took practise shots against Lionel. When Lionel yelled at Arthur for the third time to stop being so aggressive, Arthur finally snapped and told Lionel to stop being such a girl. 

“You can’t kick the keeper just because you missed your first shot, Arthur,” Lionel snapped, the ball tucked under his arm as he glowered at the blond youth.

“I didn’t mean to kick you!” Arthur exploded, ignoring Lance who was trying to calm him down. “You dove for the ball right when I was about to score, it’s not my fault your shoulder got in the way.” 

Lionel sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look, mate, maybe you should go for a quick jog or something and get your anger out before everyone else gets here. At this rate, you’re going to earn yourself a red card in the first few minutes and we can’t afford that.” He looked at Arthur seriously. “I don’t know what’s wrong but I won’t let you play if you can’t control yourself. It’s not fair to us or the other team if you hurt someone.” 

“I’m not going to hurt anyone,” Arthur grumbled. “I’m not angry!” 

“Come on, Arthur,” Lance said quietly, plucking Arthur’s shirt sleeve and nodding his head to the left. “Let’s just run to those trees and back, it’s not even a half mile.” 

Arthur growled his frustration at the brothers and took off for the trees, ignoring Lance who was yelling at him to slow down. 

Lance caught up to him quickly and said nothing as they sprinted for the trees. Arthur stopped once they got there and slumped against one of the tree trunks, saying nothing for long minutes as Lance panted next to him, trying to catch his breath. They both looked back at Lionel who was now waving at a few of the others boys and two of the girls who played in the pick-up games with them sometimes. Arthur wondered if Morgana would come to watch and if she would bring Gwen. He wanted to know if Merlin would come with her or if he would ring Gaius and ask to leave early. 

The look on Merlin’s face the previous night when he’d told Arthur to go back to his room and not help him make up the bed had left Arthur feeling as though Merlin had gutted him. Merlin had always been so welcoming, had always let Arthur participate in things. It hurt to know that Merlin was starting to shut him out due to the unfounded belief that Arthur would forget him when he went off to university.

Lance cleared his throat and nudged Arthur’s shoulder, silently asking Arthur if he wanted to talk or head back to where the rest of their pick-up team had assembled. 

Arthur shrugged and waved towards the team, indicating that they could return but that he didn’t want to talk. He appreciated Lance’s silent acceptance and ability not to pry. Lance was a good friend, Arthur thought, and he would be a good person to talk to if Arthur could figure out where to start. 

They jogged back to where the others had gathered. Arthur’s anger had dwindled from raging fury to just general frustration. He sighed and nodded when Lionel told him that he would pull Arthur immediately if he thought Arthur was being too aggressive. 

“Just let it go for the next two hours,” Lance suggested quietly, half-smiling when Arthur glared at him. “Whatever it is, you’re not going to sort it out on the pitch. Better to have fun for a bit and then fix it later.” 

“I guess,” Arthur replied, looking in the direction Morgana would likely come from if she chose to watch. He hoped she was feeling a bit better about Cenred. He knew she wouldn’t bounce back immediately but her temper the night before had been frightening.  _‘A bit like my own,’_  he thought miserably. Lionel was right; he needed to get himself under control. Reacting like a child who hadn’t gotten their way wasn’t going to help him.

“What are we doing later?” Lance asked, trying to draw Arthur out of his mood.

“Huh?” Arthur asked, pulling himself out of his thoughts. He’d forgotten that they’d made plans for Sunday afternoon. “Oh, I’m not sure. What did you want to do?” 

Lance shrugged. “It’s Merlin’s last day in town, right?” 

Arthur didn’t answer. Instead he turned away and crossed his arms, not looking at Lance. 

“Arthur?” Lance asked, a frown on his face. “What’s wrong?” When Arthur still didn’t answer him, Lance sighed. “We’ll figure it out later. Let’s take some more practise shots. Just try not to kick me or my brother or anyone else this time.” 

Arthur snorted and followed Lance, relieved, and somewhat sorry, that Lance hadn’t pushed him to talk. Merlin would have pushed him to talk, Arthur thought grouchily, or he would have just kept talking until Arthur broke down and told him so that Merlin would shut up. Sighing, Arthur chased after Lance to get the ball, trying to put all thoughts of Merlin out of his head, at least until the game was over. 

**** 

It wasn’t until half-time that Arthur noticed Morgana, Gwen, and a blonde girl Arthur didn’t know standing on the side-lines chatting to one another. He scanned the small crowd of onlookers and wasn’t sure if he was disappointed or relieved not to see Merlin among them.

“Good goal,” Gwen told him when he jogged over, a warm and friendly smile on her face.

Arthur shrugged. “We’re still behind.”

Morgana rolled her eyes. “It’s only two to one at the half, you can still win.”

Arthur shrugged again and Morgana snorted. “How long have you been here?” 

“Fifteen minutes,” Morgana answered. She turned to the blonde girl standing next to her. “Arthur, this is Vivian. She went to school with Gwen and me.” 

Arthur nodded to her. He’d heard of Vivian before and very few of those things had been positive. “Nice to meet you.”

“Of course it is,” she said haughtily, looking at him as if he were something unpleasant on the bottom of her shoe. 

Arthur raised an eyebrow at Gwen who ducked her head to hide a grin. “Is Merlin with you?” he asked quickly, trying not to sound eager or nervous. 

“He  _was_ ,” Vivian said, disgust seeping in to her voice. “He’s quite rude, isn’t he? I suppose you can’t expect much from people like that but it still comes as a shock.” Her eyes flicked to Gwen and her lip curled up in a sneer. “Some can pass better than others, but a pig with lipstick is still a pig.”

“Right.” Arthur stared at her in shock before turning to Morgana who looked as though she was rethinking her decision to bring Vivian along. “So where is Merlin now?” 

“He’s talking to Lance,” Gwen answered, motioning to where Merlin and Lance were chatting on the other side of the field. “I’d actually like to say hello to Lance, I’ll go with you.”

Arthur, assuming Gwen wanted to escape from Vivian, didn’t protest. He shot Morgana an almost apologetic look when she made what sounded like a strangled cry at the realisation that she was to be left alone with Vivian.

“Why did she bring her along?” Arthur demanded quietly when they were a few metres away. 

“She’s a piece of work, isn’t she?” Gwen replied almost sadly. 

“You had to go to school with her,” Arthur said, realisation dawning on him. Gwen had probably had to deal with that sort of behaviour from Vivian and other students for years. He wondered if Merlin went through similar things at college and if that was why he was so reluctant to trust Arthur when he'd said he wouldn’t stop caring for him. Merlin had always known Arthur was wealthy but this summer had shown Merlin just how much. Arthur suddenly felt embarrassed and angry for reasons he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

“It wasn’t so bad,” Gwen replied. “Most of the girls aren’t like that and Vivian was in Morgana’s year so she won’t be going back with me.” 

As they drew closer to where Lance and Merlin were chatting, Arthur heard Merlin saying, “I’m not sure, it’s going to be a busy year!”

“Well, maybe I’ll come see you,” Lance replied. 

“I’d like that,” Merlin said enthusiastically and Arthur could see his grin. “I miss my friends when I’m in Ealdor.” 

Lance looked like he was about to ask a question when he noticed Arthur and Gwen and waved at them. Merlin glanced at Arthur and then immediately back at Lance, muttering something Arthur didn’t quite catch before walking away. Lance frowned at Merlin and then at Arthur when Arthur paused, trying to decide if he should follow. 

“Something’s not right with him,” Gwen whispered, watching as Merlin walked over to talk to Lionel and Bhanu. “Do you think he’s upset that he has to leave tomorrow? I mean, I know it’s not easy for him in Ealdor, he doesn’t have to say much but you can tell it’s hard for him there.” 

“What do you mean?” Arthur looked at Gwen in confusion. “He’s got Will and his mum is really nice.”

Gwen shrugged. “He didn’t really tell me anything. You can just tell it’s not easy when he talks about it.”

“Does he talk about it a lot?” Arthur asked, feeling hurt that Merlin had never talked to him about the problems he had back in Ealdor. Maybe Gwen was reading too much into things, Merlin hardly knew her.

Gwen shook her head. “No, but you can just tell.” She turned to say hello to Lance who was now standing a short distance away as though he was politely waiting for them to invite him into their conversation. 

“We’re trying to figure out what we should do later,” Lance said to Gwen, trying to include Arthur, who was still watching Merlin, in the conversation as well. 

“Vivian wants to go to Harrods,” Gwen replied, looking quickly at Arthur who made a disgusted noise.

“No,” he said quickly and Gwen smiled. He ignored the conversation between Gwen and Lance and watched Merlin, who nodded to Lionel and started walking towards Morgana and Vivian. 

“Team!” Lionel called out, interrupting everyone’s conversations. “Back to the pitch!” 

Arthur and Lance smiled apologetically to Gwen and jogged back onto the field. Arthur felt a pang of guilt for not having said anything to Merlin but then again, Merlin hadn’t approached him either. The thought wasn’t a comforting one. 

****

Merlin sat on the grass with Gwen as the game continued. Morgana had left with Vivian to go shopping at Harrods, promising to meet up with everyone later once she had gotten rid of Vivian. Merlin had taken a dislike to the girl after she’d told him he needed to walk a short distance behind them so that people wouldn’t think they were together. He had been shocked and more than a little offended at her words and had spent the majority of their walk making faces at Vivian's back, much to Gwen's amusement when she had noticed. 

“Merlin,” Gwen said gently, interrupting Merlin’s thoughts. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he lied, a falsely bright smile on his lips as he turned to look at her. “I don’t really fancy football, is all.” 

She shrugged. “I don’t particularly like football either but you’re not even watching. Did you want to leave? I could ask Bhanu to tell Lance and Arthur that we’ll meet up with them later. We could go get that ice cream we talked about the other day.”

Merlin smiled at her for real this time. “That’s okay.”

“What is it?” she asked again, obviously concerned. “Is it Arthur? Did he do something?” 

“It’s not Arthur,” Merlin replied, turning to watch as Arthur ran forward to help Lionel protect their goal. 

“He likes you,” Gwen said simply. She giggled when he whipped his head around to stare at her. “It’s obvious to anyone who knows him.” She paused and then said a little nervously, “You don’t have to tell me but do you like him back? He can be difficult but he’s really not so bad and I told you before, I liked him once…you could…well, you’re more his type and I just…”

Merlin shook his head and squeezed her hand to get her to stop her rambling. “It’s not that.” When Gwen didn’t press him he added softly, “I do like him.” 

Gwen squealed and clamped her hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry,” she said sheepishly. 

Merlin smiled. “It’s fine.” He sighed. “It’s just not that easy.”

“What do you mean? You like him and he likes you back. Merlin, he likes you a lot!” Gwen looked pleased but hesitant as well. She could tell there was more that Merlin wasn’t saying but didn’t want to push him too hard if he was unwilling to talk about it.

“Yeah,” Merlin said angrily, “but for how long? We’re both going to uni in a year. He’s not going to keep me around when he’s at uni. It’ll be easy while he’s at Eton. No one will see us together; no one will be able to say anything. But when he’s at Oxford? He’s not going to want anyone to know he’s a poof or dating a weird looking twink whose family can barely pay the bills.” 

“Merlin!” Gwen exclaimed loudly, clearly shocked. 

“What?” he asked dejectedly. “It’s true, Gwen.”

“For one, you’re not weird looking,” Gwen told him gently, making Merlin scoff and turn away. “No, listen to me.” When Merlin looked back at her raising an eyebrow, she continued, “I don’t think you’re giving him enough credit. He likes you and it takes a lot for Arthur to like someone like that, let alone do anything about it.” 

Merlin shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. He’ll figure himself out when he’s at Oxford and he’ll forget me.”

“You know Arthur’s pretty sure he’s gay, yeah?” Gwen asked, more amused than anything. “He knows it’s not a phase. I was there when he told Mr Pendragon. Morgana told me to stay in her room but she and Arthur went out there and she yelled at Arthur's father until he finally told Arthur that as long as he didn’t get HIV or start wearing rainbow flags to dinner, then it was fine.”

Merlin laughed despite himself at the image of Arthur in a rainbow t-shirt at one of the posh restaurants his family obviously frequented. He had a feeling Arthur wouldn’t be caught dead in one. “His father doesn’t care?” 

“Oh, he cares,” Gwen replied. “Maybe not for the reasons you think he does but he cares. He worries about Arthur and Morgana. Morgana thinks that Uther’s an old bigot but I don’t think it’s all homophobia. I think he’s worried what'll happen to Arthur and doesn’t know how to handle it.”

“What do you mean?” 

“Have you told your family yet?” Gwen asked, getting the answer when Merlin looked away. She reached out and took Merlin’s hand, squeezing once before just holding on to it. “You won’t be in trouble, will you?”

Merlin shook his head. “My mate Will reckons my mum and uncle already know.” He sighed. “I’m not really worried about them. I just…I don’t want to have to say anything.” 

“It’s everyone else?” Gwen asked knowingly. When Merlin didn’t respond she said, “You shouldn’t think about them. They don’t matter. People are always going to talk nonsense; they aren’t worth it.” 

“I know,” he replied quietly, thinking back to the Tanzanian girl Geoffrey had told him about and the kanga hanging on Geoffrey’s wall.

“You give them power over you by worrying about what they think,” Gwen said sternly. “You don’t have to tell everyone but you should tell your family when you're ready.” She looked up at the game to see Arthur and the rest of the team tackling Lance in a hug for scoring. She smiled briefly and yelled encouragement before turning back to Merlin. “No one who cares about you is going to hurt you or hate you.”

“There’s no one left who can hurt me,” Merlin muttered. 

Gwen frowned. “What do you mean?” When Merlin didn’t answer her, she nudged him with her shoulder. “Merlin.” She squeezed his hand again. “What happened?”

He looked at Gwen, taking in the worried and concerned expression in her brown eyes. She was a good friend, he thought. She would keep his secret if he told her and never tell anyone else. He couldn’t tell her though, it didn’t feel right, and he shook his head. 

Gwen nodded. “Whatever it was, you should tell someone. Maybe tell Arthur?”

“He’ll get angry,” Merlin replied. “I’ve already seen him lose his temper with Morgana; I don’t particularly want to be on the other end of it.”

Gwen snickered. “Well, at least think about it. I doubt you could tell him anything that would make him get too angry with you.” She shrugged. “Just remember what I told you before: if someone really cares, they won’t hurt you or hate you for who you are.” 

Merlin sighed and turned back to watch Arthur play. “I hope so.” 

When the game ended, Gwen gave both Arthur and Lance a kiss on the cheek before saying that she was going to meet up with Morgana outside of Harrods. She gave Merlin a pointed look as she left and told them to let her know what their plans were once they showered.

“I’m going to go back and shower at Lionel’s,” Lance said to Arthur and Merlin. “I forgot to bring a change of clothes.”

Arthur nodded. “I’ll text you when we’re leaving and we can go find Morgana and Gwen.” 

“Sounds good, mate,” Lance replied, waving to them before jogging after his brother and his girlfriend. 

“Ready?” Arthur asked, not bothering to look at Merlin and see if he was following as he walked away.

The walk back to the Pendragon house was extremely quiet and uncomfortable. Arthur was waiting for Merlin to say something and Merlin was working up the courage to tell Arthur everything he needed to say. Merlin had almost gotten out the words when Arthur said, “I’ll be down soon” and hurried up the stairs and into his room while Merlin was left in the foyer. Sighing, Merlin went to the guestroom and flopped down onto the bed.

Merlin wished Will was back from America. He really wanted someone to talk to about everything that was going on. When Ian had first started spreading rumours about him, Will had told Merlin not to lie about it to his mother and Gaius. Merlin had known it was wrong to lie to them but he hadn’t wanted to see the disappointment or anger in their faces. It had been hard enough when Will had confronted him and it had taken a lot to make Will keep his secret. Will had been furious for weeks and had nearly retaliated.

“Hey,” Arthur said from the doorway, looking hesitantly at Merlin and making Merlin wonder how long Arthur had been standing there.

Merlin shot up into a sitting position and he offered Arthur a tentative smile before looking at the floor. 

“Did you see my note?” Arthur asked, not moving into the guestroom. 

“Yeah,” Merlin replied, digging into his pocket and producing the piece of paper. “I wasn’t going to leave.”

Arthur nodded. “Good.”

Merlin wasn’t sure what to say so he simply smiled again. 

“I meant it,” Arthur insisted, motioning to the paper Merlin had in his hand. “That I want you to stay.” 

“I’m not leaving,” Merlin repeated. “Well, not until tomorrow.”

“What are you scared of?” Arthur asked suddenly, taking a step into the room. “What have I done that scared you so bloody much?”

“It’s not you,” Merlin replied, eyes widening at the sudden change of topic.

“Then what is it?” Arthur demanded, looking at Merlin coolly and Merlin knew Arthur was behaving arrogantly in an attempt to cover his own insecurities. He hated that he knew that. It made him feel worse, and rather frustrated, for keeping the truth from Arthur. 

“We should talk,” Merlin said finally, feeling resigned.

“Yeah,” Arthur said, “we should.” He stalked into the room and plopped himself down on the bed, looking at Merlin intently. “Talk.” 

Merlin snorted. “Yes, your highness.” When Arthur rolled his eyes, Merlin grinned. “I know this is going to be hard for you but you need to shut up for a bit.” 

“Should I tell Lance we’re not coming?” Arthur asked, sensing that there was more to this talk than Merlin was letting on. 

“Tell him we’ll be late,” Merlin said quietly. “Well, if you still want me to come when I’m done telling you.”

Arthur said nothing to reassure Merlin but he pulled his mobile out and sent Lance a quick text. “Okay, tell me.”

“Do you remember Ian?” Merlin asked. When Arthur shook his head Merlin clarified, “He was playing football the first time you came to Ealdor. You talked to Daniel?” 

Arthur nodded and his face darkened. “He was the boy who told me not to talk to you.”

“Yeah.” Merlin swallowed around the lump in his throat and nodded. “Ian’s his best mate.”

“What about him?” Arthur asked, looking confused. 

“He doesn’t like me,” Merlin said. “At all. He said some nasty things about me at school.” 

“Who cares?” Arthur said, shrugging. He wasn’t sure what this had to do with anything and was about to ask Merlin for clarification when Merlin started talking.

“When I first moved to Ealdor, the only person I knew was Will. My mum’s friends with his mum and whenever we visited Gaius, Will came over. When my dad died and we moved, Gaius told me to get friends my own age.” Merlin smiled at the memory and at Arthur’s confused look. “Will’s had some trouble and got caught shoplifting a few times when he was thirteen. Gaius didn’t want me doing the same thing.” 

“And he’s a year older than us,” Arthur pointed out, doing his best not to say anything about how Merlin could definitely do better than to pick friends who stole. Of course, Will cared about Merlin and seemed to have shaped up, he knew he shouldn’t judge.

“And he’s a year older,” Merlin agreed, grinning at Arthur as if knowing what he was thinking. “Anyway, I tried to do what Gaius told me and I started talking to Ian and Daniel. I liked them.” Merlin shrugged. “Ian and I got on especially well. They teased me at first but they weren’t too bad.” At Arthur’s confused expression Merlin said, “For being Irish. Believe me, I’ve heard every Irish joke there is.”

Arthur snorted. “So have I, Gwaine’s full of them.”

Merlin laughed. “Anyway, for about a year I spent most of my time with them. I saw Will, too, but mostly I was with Ian or Ian and everyone else. Ian was my best mate. I liked him.” He looked at Arthur and then away when he felt his cheeks colouring. “I liked him a lot.”

“You mean…?” Arthur asked, catching on to what Merlin was telling him. 

“Yeah.” Merlin nodded once, trying to get himself under control. “Well, I thought he liked me too. When we were alone he’d…” Merlin blushed crimson. “It doesn’t matter, you don’t need those details.” He shook himself to try and reorganise his thoughts. “After lunch one day I told him that Will knew about me and asked if I could tell Will about us.”

“You were dating,” Arthur supplied. 

“No!” Merlin snapped and Arthur was surprised by the venom in his voice. “No, we never  _dated_. We did other stuff and we were  _friends_.” 

“I thought you hadn’t…” Arthur began and Merlin cut him off.

“I haven’t. I’ve done just about everything else.” Merlin shrugged and Arthur realised that Merlin was putting up a wall so that he could tell this story, that there was a lot of hurt and a lot of pain buried under everything. 

“All right,” Arthur said slowly, thinking that perhaps he should ask Merlin what he considered sex and what he considered ‘everything else’. “What happened?” 

Merlin looked at Arthur sadly before gathering himself up and looking somewhere over Arthur’s shoulder to tell the rest of his story. “He lost his temper. Called me something terrible, said I was disgusting and that there was no us, that it was just easy to use me since I was so soft and girly.” Merlin went pink with resentment and embarrassment at the memory and rubbed his forehead. “He told me he wasn’t gay and that I should leave him alone and never come near him again.” 

“But he…” Arthur interrupted angrily. His skin was prickling with rage and he tried to calm himself down when he saw that Merlin looked fearful. 

Merlin shook his head. “Let me finish.” He took a deep breath. “I said it was fine and that I wouldn’t tell anyone. I told him I was sorry but he didn’t care. He was so upset, Arthur.” He looked at Arthur who was watching Merlin with something akin to horror and fury but that Merlin couldn’t quite name. “He shoved me against the science block wall and I lost my temper. I told him he was a prick and that it wasn’t my fault that he was gay. I think that’s what really did it, you know? Me telling him he’s gay. He hit me, broke my lip, pushed me down and probably would have kicked me in the face or something if I hadn’t screamed at him to leave me alone.” 

Arthur opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. He had wondered what it was that had happened to Merlin but he hadn’t imagined this. 

“I’m not done,” Merlin said quietly. “Mrs Hall heard me and she and Mr Padget were outside so fast to break us apart. Mrs Hall called my mum and Mr Padget asked what had happened. I was scared, you know? I told him that Ian was teasing me for being Irish and he figured that’s what it was all about and that Ian was just defending himself.” 

“That’s ridiculous!” Arthur burst out. “He couldn’t possibly have believed you would start a fight.” 

“Doesn’t matter,” Merlin replied. “Ian didn’t correct him and I got sent home for fighting.”

Arthur looked livid and muttered something about how he couldn’t imagine Merlin killing an insect let alone starting a fight.  

Merlin snorted. “My mum was pretty upset with me and she made me go apologise. I didn’t want to; I thought Ian might punch me again.” He shook his head. “She went with me, though, to make sure I did it, I guess. Ian wasn’t there but his dad was and I told his dad I was sorry. I think his dad thought it was a joke. He didn’t look upset or anything but he said he’d tell Ian I’d come over and said he hoped he’d see me again.”

“He probably thought it was just something stupid,” Arthur commented, trying to keep his tone neutral. “Besides, you were the one with the broken lip.” 

“Yeah.” Merlin nodded. “That’s what Will said.”

“You do know that Ian’s a right tosser, yeah?” Arthur said seriously.

“It got worse,” Merlin replied. “Will came over later and told me that Ian was telling everyone I got sent home for trying to make him do  _things_  with me behind the science block.” Merlin blushed. “He told everyone that I was some kind of militant fag…” 

“Do  _not_  use that word,” Arthur interrupted furiously, reaching for Merlin’s chin and forcing him to meet Arthur’s gaze. Merlin swallowed and nodded and Arthur let go. “What happened?” 

“They believed him,” Merlin said quietly. “Ian’s friends were my friends and really, they were more his friends than mine. They told people all kinds of things about me. Don’t ask what they all were, I stopped listening.” He shrugged. “Will took up for me and I just started spending a lot of time with him. Ian and Daniel tried saying that we were together but the rumour didn’t stick, Will’s had too many girlfriends and no one in his year really cared what Ian or Daniel had to say.”

Arthur nodded. He had no idea how to reply. He was outraged that such a thing had happened to Merlin and that no one had bothered to find out the truth. “Why didn’t you try to correct them?” 

“What was I supposed to say?” Merlin demanded. “I am gay, I did like Ian. I couldn’t tell people I wasn’t or that I didn’t.” He swiped at his face to prevent the tears that were welling in his eyes from falling. “I’d told enough lies, I couldn’t tell more.” 

Arthur sighed and was about to argue that there was plenty that Merlin could have said. That he could have told everyone that being gay wasn’t something disgusting or criminal but the words died on his lips at the look on Merlin’s face. He was clearly hurting; this wound was still so raw even after two years. “That’s why you don’t trust me.” 

“I do trust you,” Merlin argued, frowning at Arthur. “Some people told me that they didn’t care what Ian said and that he was an arse. I couldn’t face it so I ignored them. Mostly I got left alone. Will told me to grow up and stop sulking and he was right. I missed out on some good friendships and that was my fault.” 

Arthur nodded. At least not everyone had shunned Merlin. “You idiot.”

Merlin snorted. “Thanks.”

“I’m serious, you’re a complete idiot.” Arthur shook his head. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“When?” Merlin glared at Arthur. “When would have been the best time to tell you? Besides, this isn’t about you!” When Arthur glared at him Merlin sighed. “Arthur, I didn’t know you were gay until a few days ago. I wasn’t about to tell you when I was up with you and your mates at Eton. What if one of them had overheard?”

"They wouldn't care,” Arthur snapped though he moved closer and pulled Merlin into quick hug.

“I didn’t know that,” Merlin insisted, stepping out of Arthur's embrace and looking at the floor. “I couldn’t tell you. I didn’t want you to leave or hurt me.” 

“Glad to know what you think of me,” Arthur said dryly. “Thanks.”

“Arthur,” Merlin began, reaching for Arthur’s hand and squeezing. “Stop it. I’m sorry.” 

Arthur turned his hand over and held on to Merlin’s. “I’m angry with you.” He looked at Merlin with such intense hurt in his eyes that Merlin wanted to cry or even kiss him to make the look go away. “You didn’t trust me.” 

“I do now,” Merlin whispered, looking down at their joined hands. “Please, Arthur…” 

“I know,” Arthur said quietly and he leaned forward to brush his lips against Merlin’s in a chaste kiss. “I need time, though. I need to think.” 

“About what?” Merlin asked nervously.

“About what we do next,” Arthur said simply. 

“We’re still friends,” Merlin replied, sounding relieved. 

Arthur looked surprised. “Of course. You might be an idiot but you’re my idiot.”

Merlin snorted. “You prat.” He brought his other hand up to stroke Arthur’s cheek. “I’m going to kiss you now and if you don’t want me to, you have about three seconds to say no.” 

Arthur laughed and tugged Merlin forward, letting Merlin take control of the kiss and opening his mouth to Merlin’s gentle, curious tongue. Arthur smiled into the kiss and then gasped when Merlin broke away to trail gentle nips and kisses down his neck. 

“I like you,” Merlin mumbled into Arthur’s neck. “’M sorry I wasn’t brave.” 

Arthur tilted Merlin’s head back so that they were looking into each other’s eyes. “You were. You handled it, you lived through it, and you’re going to make it right. You told me.” He kissed Merlin deeply, knowing it didn’t cover even a quarter of what he wanted to say. There was so much left to be talked about, so much that needed to be discussed. It could wait. Merlin had bared enough of his soul in the last hour and Arthur wasn’t sure he could handle much more at that emotional level right now.

Merlin broke the kiss and rested his head against Arthur’s. “Thank you.” 

Arthur frowned. “For what?” 

“Listening,” Merlin answered. “For listening and not being a completely judgmental arse.” 

Arthur snorted. The truth was that he was still furious and if he saw Ian or Daniel or any of those other people he would probably have a few things to say to them. “I like you.” 

“We’re friends,” Merlin said, grinning.

“Maybe more than friends,” Arthur admitted but it sounded more like a question to Merlin.

“Maybe.” Merlin chuckled. “But not yet. I’m not ready for that.” 

Arthur nodded and felt his mobile buzz. He looked down and read the text. “Lance is with the girls. Should we go meet them?”

“Yeah,” Merlin said. “It’s my last day. I don’t want to spend it inside.” 

Arthur thought privately that he wouldn’t mind spending the day alone with Merlin but he wasn’t about to say that out loud. He’d see how the day went and if Merlin seemed interested, he thought he might try and convince Merlin to sleep in his room that night and maybe kiss him for longer than thirty seconds. 

“Don’t forget your wallet,” Arthur said before he could voice any of the dirtier thoughts that were running through his mind. Merlin had just admitted to some incredibly serious and horrifying experiences, after all. It wouldn’t be appropriate for Arthur to try and take advantage of him. Merlin had told him before that he wasn’t ready and Arthur more than respected that.

“It’s in my pocket, Mum,” Merlin teased. “Let’s go.”

Arthur pulled Merlin in for one last kiss, grabbed his hand, and tugged him towards the front door. He wouldn’t push for anything more, it was all up to Merlin, but at least they’d gotten over one of the major hurdles. They had time. They could discuss both of their other insecurities later. Now, he was going to enjoy his last day with Merlin until he had free time at Eton. 


	10. Chapter 10

When Merlin woke the next morning, it was to Arthur gently shaking him and saying his name.

“Wha…?” he asked groggily, blinking a few times to bring Arthur’s lopsided grin into focus.

“I have to go soon,” Arthur replied and Merlin realised that Arthur was dressed in the suit he wore to his father’s office. “I wanted to say goodbye.”

Merlin’s stomach did a little anxious flip and he looked at Arthur warily. “What do you mean?”

Arthur rolled his eyes and plopped down on the bed so that he was sitting next to Merlin. “I mean, I have to go meet my uncle or he’ll try and take over my father’s legal practice and then I won’t be able to go back to Eton because we won’t be able to pay the fees.” He grinned. “It would all be very complex; I don’t think you should worry about it.”

Merlin snorted and rolled over so that his back was to Arthur. “Bye, then.”

“Merlin!” Arthur cried, both scandalised and amused. “Wake up, you lazy bugger.”

Merlin chuckled and nestled deeper into the blankets. “Why can’t you stay until I leave? Gaius is coming at ten.”

“I can’t.” Arthur sighed. “If I’m late, Agravaine will email my father to tell him I’m skiving off and that won’t work out well for anyone.”

“When are you going back to Eton?” Merlin turned so that he could look at Arthur and smiled when he saw the conflicted emotions on Arthur’s face. He knew Arthur would rather spend time with him than go file papers and make coffee; it was just fun to tease him.

“First week of September,” Arthur replied, reaching out and brushing Merlin’s hair out of his eyes. “It’s not that long, less than a month.”

Merlin nodded. “You’ll come see me?”

“If your mum and uncle will give me a lift,” Arthur answered. “I’ll come whenever I can.” He raised an eyebrow. “You’re still going to come to Eton, yeah? I don’t think Lance or Leon would forgive you if you refused to come.”

Merlin laughed. “Well, I’ll definitely come to visit them and if you’re there, I guess that’s fine too.”

Arthur shook his head in amusement. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“See that you do.”

Arthur looked at his watch and let out a groan. “I need to go in about five minutes.”

Merlin wormed his arm out from under the blankets and took Arthur’s hand. When Arthur looked down at him, he smiled and squeezed Arthur’s fingers gently. “It’ll work out. We’ll figure it out.”

Arthur frowned. “I told you last night, you don’t have to promise me anything. We can just be friends.”

“I know.”

Merlin remembered the conversation they’d had the night before when they were getting ready for bed. Arthur had told him that after everything he had been through with Ian, it wasn’t fair to ask Merlin for anything more than friendship. Arthur had also told Merlin that he should focus on school, apply to university, and maybe even try and date some people. Merlin had been slightly hurt by Arthur’s suggestion until he’d realised that it was one of Arthur stupid ‘noble’ ideas that was hurting Arthur more than himself. Merlin had told Arthur to stop being an idiot and unless he was telling Merlin that there was someone else he wanted to date, then Merlin wasn’t going to go looking for a boyfriend any time soon.

“You know what Morgana told me?” Arthur asked, startling Merlin out of his thoughts.

“Hmm?” Merlin watching Arthur expectantly. He had a very strong suspicion that Morgana knew how he and Arthur felt about each other.

“She said you’re too good for me,” Arthur replied, a small smirk on his face. “I think I have to prove her wrong.”

Merlin laughed. “Does this mean you’re going to be extra nice to me?”

“I’m always nice to you,” Arthur protested, blue eyes dancing at the challenge.

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Keep telling yourself that.”

Arthur grinned and suddenly his face was only inches from Merlin’s, making Merlin inhale sharply at the want in Arthur’s eyes.

“I will,” Arthur muttered and pressed his lips to Merlin’s, relishing the little gasp Merlin made before opening his mouth to Arthur’s kiss. Arthur pulled Merlin up gently so that he was in a sitting position, his hands going around Merlin’s waist to hold him in place.

“Arthur, I’m gross, stop,” Merlin said suddenly, pulling away when he remembered that he hadn’t brushed his teeth yet. Arthur had tasted vaguely like mint toothpaste and black tea and Merlin didn’t want to consider what his morning breath really tasted like.

Arthur shrugged and pulled Merlin back. “I don’t care.”

“Your suit’s rumpled,” Merlin pointed out, tugging on Arthur’s tie and laughing when Arthur swore. “It’s not that bad.”

Arthur looked down at his clothes and sighed. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m going to be late.”

“Then stay until Gaius comes!” Merlin grinned, swinging his legs off of the bed and getting to his feet.

“I can’t. If I hurry, Agravaine probably won’t notice.” Arthur got to his feet and grabbed Merlin’s hand, pulling him into a tight hug. “I’m glad you came to visit,” he whispered into Merlin’s neck.

“Me too,” Merlin replied, smiling to himself. He’d never seen Arthur express this much emotion and he wanted to savor it. He doubted it would be a common occurrence regardless of how Arthur felt about him.

Arthur pressed a kiss just under Merlin’s ear. “Walk downstairs with me.”

Merlin snorted. “Yes, Your Highness.”

Arthur shot Merlin a grin over his shoulder and walked out of the room. When he reached the first floor, he quickly grabbed his wallet and house keys before pulling Merlin in to one last hug. “Ring me later.”

“I’ll be online when I get back, we can IM,” Merlin replied, squeezing Arthur once before letting go.

Arthur nodded. “I’ll see you in a few weeks.”

“Aren’t you going to kiss him goodbye, Arthur?” Morgana’s voice teased from behind. “Not a very good boyfriend.”

“Morgana!” Arthur glared at his foster sister. His gaze flicked to Merlin and saw that he had gone red and taken a step away. Raising an eyebrow at Morgana, Arthur accused, “You just want to watch.”

“I’ll close my eyes.” Morgana laughed and put her hands over her face. “Go on, then. Say a proper goodbye, Arthur.”

Arthur smiled and shrugged at Merlin who was looking torn between wanting to run and hide and wanting to throw himself at Arthur.

“C’mere,” Arthur muttered, “she’ll never let me live it down if I don’t.”

“Good reason,” Merlin replied tartly, crossing his arms.

“You’re both daft,” Morgana snapped, uncovering her face to reveal a small smirk on her lips. “I’ll be in the kitchen. See you later, Arthur.”

Arthur and Merlin watched her go, grinning at each other when they heard the door that led from the dining room to the kitchen click shut.

Arthur raised an eyebrow at Merlin. “So, are you going to give me a kiss goodbye?”

“Needy,” Merlin teased but he took a step forward and pressed a chaste kiss to the corner of Arthur’s mouth. “Go on, I’ll see you in a few weeks and we’ll figure everything out.”

Arthur snorted and pulled Merlin back by the front of his pyjama shirt before kissing him firmly on the mouth. When he pulled away, he had a smug grin on his face. “Don’t kiss me like you’d kiss your mother, Merlin.”

Merlin waved him off but he was chuckling. “Go on, you’re going to be late. I’ll see you in a few weeks.”

Arthur smiled at Merlin one last time before turning and hurrying out the door with a quick, “See you!”

Merlin turned away from the door with a wide smile on his face and went upstairs to start packing.

****

“Thanks for having me,” Merlin said to Morgana when Gaius arrived to take him home.

“I’m glad you came,” Morgana replied, nodding to Gaius who had also expressed his thanks and was now putting Merlin’s bag in the boot.

“Say bye to Gwen for me?” Merlin asked. Gwen had stayed at her father’s house the night before and Merlin hadn’t been able to say a proper goodbye that morning.

“Of course,” Morgana said, stepping forward to give Merlin a hug. “Arthur’s lucky,” she said quietly in his ear before pulling away. “You’re good for him but I don’t know why you put up with him.”

Merlin shrugged. “I like him.”

“Good.” Morgana looked as though she’d like to say more but stopped when Gaius came back to ask if Merlin was ready to leave.

“Yeah,” Merlin said to Gaius. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Hurry up, I’d like to be home in time for tea,” Gaius grumbled, walking around to the driver’s side and getting in.

“You better go,” Morgana told him. “I’ll see you soon. Maybe I’ll go down to Eton and visit Arthur for his birthday.”

Merlin grinned, his eyes crinkling up in excitement. “That would be brilliant.” He turned to go. “See you, Morgana. Thank you!”

“Bye, Merlin,” she called, waving as the car pulled away from the kerb.

Merlin waved to Morgana and then turned to his great-uncle with a grin. “Thanks for letting me stay and giving me a lift home.”

Gaius shook his head. “You deserve to have fun. You’re a good boy.”

Merlin beamed at Gaius and looked out the window, saying a silent goodbye to London and thanking the city for all of the good that had come out of the past week. He was looking forward to the upcoming school year and visiting Arthur when he returned to Eton. Will would be gone, Merlin reminded himself, but at least he had Arthur and Lance and Leon.

****

The rest of the summer passed pleasantly enough for Merlin. Will came back from America and kept using American slang and speaking with a terrible American accent just to make Merlin laugh.

“C’mon, dude, cheer up,” Will said with a grin as he and Merlin finished putting his things in to boxes.

“Will, I don’t know who told you that you’re good at accents and I hate to hurt your feelings…” Merlin began, laughing when Will shoved him.

“William!” called a female voice from the other room. “You and Merlin had better be packing! Your dad and I want to leave in an hour.”

“Don’t worry, Mum!” Will yelled back, grinning at Merlin sheepishly. “We’d better hurry.”

Merlin snorted. “I’m just here to help; it’s not my problem if you don’t have your things together in time to leave for uni.”

Laughing, Will chucked a pillow at Merlin’s head. “We just need to fill this last box and take it to the garage. Mum and Dad are turning my room into an office or something after I leave.”

“Nice.” Merlin laughed. “They must have faith that you’re not going to get yourself kicked out.”

“Oh, you,” Will began threateningly, tossing another pillow at Merlin and hitting him in the face. “Grab the blue case, will you? I’ll get the box.” He hefted the large box onto his shoulder and motioned for Merlin to follow him out.

“Are you excited?” Merlin asked when they reached the garage and put the last of Will’s things that weren’t going to Brighton with him in the corner.

“Yeah,” Will replied, though Merlin thought he looked concerned. “Are you…I could stay, you know. Lots of people take a gap year.”

“No!” Merlin snapped, glaring at Will. “I told you, I don’t need you looking out for me. Don’t be stupid.”

“You could start at Uni Sussex with me next year,” Will continued, ignoring Merlin’s protests. “I could work at the flower shop with your mum.”

“Will, no,” Merlin said, feeling both insulted and touched by the offer. “You can’t follow me ’round forever. I’ll be fine. Ian will leave me alone.” He shrugged. “Besides, I’ve got Arthur now.”

“Oh right,” Will sneered. “I forgot.”

“Stop it,” Merlin ordered, crossing his arms. “You barely know him. Not liking him just because he goes to Eton isn’t fair.”

“Whatever,” Will muttered, pushing past Merlin to go back into the house. “You’ll forget me now that you’ve got him. He’ll leave, you know, and when he does, I’ll probably be gone too. I’m not waiting around to see how he ruins things.”

“Will!” Merlin called furiously. “What’s the matter with you?”

Will turned around and glared at Merlin. “Go home; I’ll see you during break.”

Merlin shook his head. “No, this isn’t fair.” He pulled Will into a tight hug and whispered angrily, “Stop being a wanker. I’m going to miss you.”

Will finally relaxed and gave Merlin a quick hug in return. “Fine, but you better text me or ring me when he finally fucks you.”

“Jesus!” Merlin yelped, looking around to see if Will’s parents had overheard before punching Will in the arm. “You tosser!”

“Merlin Emrys!” cried Will’s mother from the doorway. “Does your mother know you use that language?”

Will snickered as Merlin blushed furiously and elbowed him in the side. “Sorry.”

Will’s mother nodded and turned to her son. “Your dad’s in the car. Are you ready?”

“Yeah,” Will said, following her out. He turned to Merlin before getting into the car. “I’ll see you in a few months. Don’t forget to text me!”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Have fun. Try not to turn into an alcoholic.”

Will laughed and Merlin waved as they drove off, sighing when the car pulled out of sight. Pulling out his mobile he sent a quick text to Arthur.

_Just said bye to Will. Ready for you to get back to Eton and visit me. Miss you._

He tucked his mobile back in his pocket and started walking towards his house. He knew the school year was going to be different. Sixth Form was not like the rest of college and he would be in classes targeted specifically at what he wanted to study at university. Applications were due in a few months and then it would be Christmas. Merlin sighed, his life was unfolding before him, and he would be leaving Ealdor in a little less than a year to hopefully pursue something he loved.

Maybe he and Arthur would be a couple or maybe…he shied away from that thought. They still needed to talk and decide where they were going to go. Merlin still had no idea which universities he was going to apply to and Arthur was practically guaranteed a spot at Oxford.

There was time, he reminded himself. There was no reason to rush.

His mobile buzzed and he pulled it out to read the message from Arthur.

_I’ll be there in a week. X_

Merlin grinned stupidly at the little kiss at the end of the text message and decided that maybe he could do this boyfriend thing. Smiling, he walked home, vowing to have a long conversation with his mother and Gaius before the end of the summer.

  


_Epilogue – five months later_

“Merlin!” Hunith called from downstairs, her voice shaking slightly. “Something’s come in the post for you.”

“What’s wrong?” Merlin asked, hurrying down the stairs to see his mother’s wide eyes and his great-uncle’s curious expression. “What is it?”

Hunith handed Merlin a large, thick envelope stamped with the University of Cambridge’s coat of arms. “It’s your decision letter.”

Merlin took the envelope from his mother and stared down at it, blinking. He’d already been offered places at Imperial and Durham but Cambridge had been his dream university ever since he was a child. He knew that if they turned him down, it wasn’t the end of the world but unlike Imperial and Durham, he had applied to Cambridge for something other than medicine. He had hoped that after the interview he’d had with them in October that they would admit him.

“Go on, Merlin,” Gaius urged gently. “Waiting isn’t going to change what it says inside.”

Merlin swallowed around the lump in his throat. Arthur had phoned him a few days before to say that he’d been offered a place at Oxford and had Merlin heard anything yet. Arthur was the only person who knew that Merlin had applied to Cambridge for anthropology and that it was the university Merlin most hoped and dreaded accepting him.

“You can open it alone if you would prefer,” Hunith offered, motioning for Gaius to follow her into the kitchen.

Merlin shook his head and tore open the envelope, pulling the documents out with trembling hands. He licked his lips and felt his stomach drop in shock. “I’m in,” he whispered. “They offered me a place at Cambridge.”

Hunith grabbed her son tightly and hugged him, tears running down her cheeks. “Oh, Merlin, I’m so proud of you, sweetie!”

Merlin looked up at his uncle who was beaming at him and handed over the letter. “I er…didn’t apply there for medicine.”

“What do you mean?” Hunith asked, pulling away and eyeing her son in confusion. “But you want to be a doctor!”

Merlin shook his head. “After going to visit Will and sitting in on two of his lectures, I changed my mind. When I finished my application for Cambridge, I’d switched my intent and during the interview, they liked it. They said I could do well there.” He looked at Gaius, begging him to understand. “Geoffrey is the one who got me thinking about it. I read all those books…”

Gaius looked over the letter and then started to chuckle. “Oh, my boy, as long as you’re happy, I don’t care what you study.” He hugged Merlin quickly before passing the letter to Hunith to read. “Geoffrey will be pleased. You’ll have to let him know you changed your mind.”

“Mum,” Merlin said uncertainly, “they’re top for anthropology and they do medical anthropology. It will be fine, I promise. I like it. I’ve been reading about it and I think I could really help people.”

Hunith smiled. “I’m proud of you no matter what.” She grinned when Merlin started squirming. “Go ring Arthur; I know that’s who you really want to talk to.”

A few months ago, Merlin might have protested but after telling his mother and Gaius that he was gay, that he liked Arthur, and that they were sort of a couple, it had gotten easier to admit to his feelings. “He said he might be free this weekend. Can he stay on Friday?”

Hunith and Gaius exchanged looks before Hunith nodded. “Tell him I’ll give him a lift. You can practise your driving.”

Merlin groaned. He had just gotten his Learners and knew Arthur would tease him mercilessly when he saw how terrible Merlin was.  

“Go finish your biology homework,” Hunith said, her lips twitching. “I’ll have something sweet for tea.”

Merlin nodded and took his Cambridge offer letter from his mother before hurrying up the stairs. When he reached his room, he first sent a text to Gwen asking if she had heard anything yet. He might not have many close friends in Ealdor, he told himself, but the friends he had outside were more than enough.

After sending the message to Gwen, he quickly dialed Arthur, not wanting Gwen to send anything to any of their friends before Merlin had a chance to tell Arthur the news for himself.

“Merlin, I’m in…” Arthur began in a whisper when he answered but Merlin cut him off with, “I have a spot at Cambridge!”

“What?” Arthur yelled over the phone and Merlin could hear someone on the other side admonishing him for being loud and using his phone during quiet hours in the library.

“Sorry,” Merlin mumbled though he was grinning.

“I’ll ring you…” Arthur began and Merlin heard someone shout, “Pendragon, I mean now!”

Merlin laughed when the line went dead and he tossed his mobile onto the desk, pulling his biology homework over to him. It was only the first week of classes after the Christmas holiday and there wasn’t a lot for him to do.

After thirty minutes his phone rang and Merlin picked up to hear Arthur’s slightly harassed voice grumbling about grouchy librarians.

“He told me that since I’m Head Boy I should know better,” Arthur complained, making Merlin snort.

“Well, you shouldn’t have answered,” Merlin argued. “It’s not like you couldn’t have rung me back.”

“Oh, thank you, Merlin, take his side,” Arthur muttered. “Remind me again why I keep you around?”

“Because you love me,” Merlin answered pertly, not thinking about what he’d said until after the words left his mouth. “Er…I mean…”

“Maybe I do,” Arthur replied quietly and Merlin thought he sounded slightly defensive.

“Right,” Merlin said slowly. “Maybe I do too.”

“I’m glad you love yourself,” Arthur said dryly. “It’s good to know you have such high self-esteem.”

“Shut up, you prat,” Merlin retorted, though he was grinning. “I meant…you know. Maybe I…for you.”

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Arthur replied, snickering in a way Merlin thought he should definitely  _not_  find endearing.  “I’m happy for you, you know, about Cambridge.”

Merlin was grateful for the change of topic. Huge declarations were not something that should be done over the phone. “Me too.”

“I’m going to visit you,” Arthur said seriously. “We’ll see each other at half-term and on breaks. It’s really not that far.”

“We'll work it out,” Merlin agreed, smiling to himself. “I asked Mum about this weekend. She said she’ll come get you.”

“Brilliant!” Arthur replied and Merlin knew he was grinning. “Now go log on to the computer. We can IM while I work on this paper for History.”

“Isn’t that what the library was for?” Merlin asked wickedly. “Oh, right, you’re too noisy.”

“Shut up, you idiot,” Arthur said happily. “I’m hanging up now. I’ll talk to you on IM.”

“Bye,” Merlin said, and rang off. He couldn’t help the grin that broke out over his face as he powered up the new laptop he’d received for Christmas. Not everything had been worked out between him and Arthur but they were moving forwards. Both of them still had things to sort through in their lives and uni would offer a whole new challenge but Merlin thought they would be all right. Only time would tell but he was hopeful, they both wanted this so much.

It might not be everything, but they could figure this out and maybe even be happy. Merlin smiled, he liked that idea very much. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who read this story (both in 2012 and now), left kudos and comments, and who encouraged me to post it here on Ao3! It was fun to revisit a fic I wrote six years ago and I really appreciate all of the kind words from folks here and over on LJ. Feel free to drop a line any time to chat about Merlin. I <3 this show and fandom so much. 
> 
> Btw, I know that I promised a sequel a while ago and it's currently half-written in a Google doc. I'll do my best to finish it up and post it on here sometime this year. Thank you again, everyone! :)


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